Recently, ah' wuz eyeballin' de local University Newssheet, when I noticed an article so's stdownid and devoid uh common sense dat ah' had to respond. Here be my response followed by de o'iginal article. What it is, Mama! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- De State News -- Dursday, Dec. 10, 1998 Email, dig dis: opinion@statenews.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Johnson Drug Column Offensive t'Users" by [Matt Harrison] As some drug user, ah' wuz sucka'ally offended by Kendra Johnson's attack on drug users. It be plum anoda' symptom uh de continuin' puh'petuashun uh procrastinashun and/o' calcitrashun uh de man's conspir-a-cee. What it is, Mama! Afta' all, how many drug fiends are on de Fo'bes top 400? So I'll tell ya' whut ah' am goin' t'do. I'm gonna snatch de sucka's's blotter, I'm gonna put it on de sucka's's tongue, I'm gonna snatch de sucka's's trip and lay de smack waaay down. ah' gots foe wo'ds fo' Kendra, dig dis: Flush out yo' 'haid. Dat D.A.R.E. propaganda ya' regurgitated gots'ta no basis in fact. I'll snatch Dr. Timody Leary's advice ova' dat of weak-minded, uneducated honkyfools. You's sit dere and scribble about sump'n ya' admit ya' know nodin' about. How be dat different fum de stereotypin' ya' seem to be against? Sheeit, ah' know fum sucka'al 'espuh'ience whut drugs are likes. Back in high farm, ah' smoked marijuana daily fo' an entire farm year. Ah be baaad... Den one day ah' decided ah' dun didn't likes it anymo'e and quit. Just likes dat, widout even dinkin' about it, widout havin' t'"get help." About some year later, ah' stumbled across some mushrooms. ah' wuz neva' really into high farm and spent mah' studyin' time learnin' about clunkers and oda' topics uh interest. ah' rarely dun did plantationwo'k and mah' grade point average wuz in de range 1.5-2.0. Sho'tly afta' dat fust trip, mah' GPA skyrocketed t'de 3.0-4.0 range. What it is, Mama! It made me realize dat ah' would need some college degree t'get a decent job and gots' some future. What it is, Mama! Lata' trips convinced me t'start wo'kin' out and now ah' am in puh'fect shape. What it is, Mama! Despite whut ya' may gots' seen in dose grade farm drug propaganda films, ah' gots' neva' had da damn urge t'jump out some window, find some rape victim, stare at da damn sun o' knife mah' family t'dead. As far as addicshun goes, it be a joke. What it is, Mama! Nicotine be far mo'e addictive dan any illegal drug. ah' know 'es-smack'haids who kin't stop smokin'. Addicshun be only an 'suse fo' not wants'in' t'quit. As fo' comin' waaay down, dis happens on real few drugs and be no big-ass deal. It is far mo'e pleasant dan any alcohol hangova' I gots' had. ah' gots' not done any drugs in awhile and feel no urge t' snatch dem. 'S coo', bro. ah' gots' gone drough dese puh'iods several times in mah' life widout any problems. My use uh psychedelic drugs gots'ta been an entirely positive 'espuh'ience. What it is, Mama! If it wuzn't fo' dem, ah' would not gots' been able t'get into college. What it is, Mama! Instead, ah' would be wo'kin' at some nasty, minimum-wage job fo' de rest uh my life. What it is, Mama! Mrs. Johnson, ah' suggest dat until ya' gots' some clue whut it is dat ya' are rapin' about, dig dis: Know yo' role, and shut yo' damn moud. Right On! De State News -- Tuesday, Dec. 8, 1998 Email, dig dis: opinion@statenews.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Doin' Drugs Can Cost Students Deir Futures" by Kenya Johnson Dere be a wastedly war goin' on, dig dis: de war on drugs. Drugs destroy families, deta' dreams, scar innocent childhoods and systematically trap sucka's. If ya' turn t'drugs dere be de possibility dat ya' may neva' recover. Ah be baaad... Whateva' happened in yo' life dat made ya' turn t'drugs, de use uh drugs always makes de situashun wo'se. What it is, Mama! No matta' whut it may be, dig dis: alcohol, cocaine, heroin, ecstasy o' cribhold cleanin' products -- dey kin be wastedly when dey are abused. A lot uh us use drugs t'impress oders o' t'feel accepted. Even dough sometimes homeys say dat dey duzn't wanna influence ya' by deir drug use, dey ain't satisfied until ya' use drugs, too. If ya' feel dat de only way ya' kin be accepted be by abusin' yo' body, den ya' duzn't know whut acceptance is. Wheda' it be da damn initiashun t'join some fraternity o' so'o'ity o' maybe yo' idea uh havin' some baaaad time, youse playin' wid sump'n dat ya' only gots' one chance at, dig dis: life. What it is, Mama! Some use drugs and decide dat dey gots'ta neva' use dem again. 'S coo', bro. Den dere are oders. Dey may gots' been told dey would neva' amount t'anydin' ever since dey wuz bo'n. 'S coo', bro. Prove dose dat ridiculed ya' wrong. Not by gittin' high, but by choosin' t' snatch de high road in life. What it is, Mama! Choose de high road by settin' an 'esample t'de yunga' generashun dat watches everydin' dat ya' do, wheda' ya' know it o' not. ah' can't speak fum 'espuh'ience cuz' I gots' neva' tried drugs. ah' had some no'mal childhood and represented da damn letta' 's' in spoiled, which makes me da damn most vulnerable. What it is, Mama! We tend t'stereotype sucka's fum urban areas o' poo'a' households, but drug use be prevalent fum de suburbs t'de ghettos. No one knows whut gots'ta happen t'dem in deir lives. Wheder it be da damn tragic loss uh a dear one, some devastatin' boogiedown o' simply de road uh life seems t'be at some wasted end, duzn't turn t'drugs. Drugs are used as some type uh release fum reality. Slap mah fro! When ya' are high ya' feel likes all uh yo' troubles are benead ya'. De hardest part about gittin' high be de comin' waaay down process. Den ya' realize dat ya' are in de same predicament dat ya' wuz in befo'e ya' chose t'get high. Only now youse feelin' wo'se cuz' ya' realize dat ya' may be hooked on sump'n dat only lasts some moment but kin change yo' life fo'ever. Ah be baaad... If ya' become addicted t'drugs ya' risk losin' everydin': yo' job, family and most impo'tantly yo' dignity. Slap mah fro! Dere be always de possibility uh recovery. Slap mah fro! And dat's all it be -- some possibility. Slap mah fro! Dere are no guarantees when ya' decide t'let drugs determine yo' fate. What it is, Mama! As ya' look at da damn wo'ld around ya', it be factual dat sucka's who are unda' de influence uh drugs commit da damn most violent crimes. People are rashunal but become irrashunal when dey are unda' de influence uh drugs. You's gots'ta do anydin' t'get high, and gots'ta hurt anyone dat tries t'get in yo' way. Slap mah fro! Dere are some dat argue dat dey kin handle gittin' high and dat dey won't git hooked. ah' hope dat dey neva' do. Usually dese are de sucka's dat ya' would least suspect. Dey git high on weekends and on special occasions such as birddays and holidays. But it's also impo'tant t'rememba' dat no one starts out bein' some drug addict. Ova' time yo' body becomes accustomed and gots'ta crave drugs. I'm not an 'espuh't, but ah' duzn't gots'ta be t'know dat takin' drugs simply isn't da damn answer. Ah be baaad... If ya' feel likes ya' gots'ta git high to make it drough de day, ax' yo'self if it's really wo'd it. Wheneva' I gots' second doubts ah' always tell mah'self dat it's not wo'd it if ah' can't look at mah'self in de mirro'. You's kin't blame it on de guv'ment o' drug dealers. Drugs wouldn't be sold if dere wuzn't some demand. Usually de sucka's dat sell de drugs are in it fo' de bre'd and nodin' else. What it is, Mama! Dey may even consida' it deir own business. Until we chose t'put dem out uh business dey gots'ta continue to make economic profits dat may cost ya' yo' future. What it is, Mama! -- Johnson, some political science junio', kin be reached at, dig dis: johns934@pilot.msu. Man!edu. Man! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Previous columns by Kenya Johnson, dig dis: * An A t'Z uh tips fo' some successful college carea' (Dec. 1, 1998) * Danksgivin' some time t'fo'give and fo'get (Nov. Man! 24, 1998) * White males reign on list uh Fo'bes' richest (Nov. Man! 17, 1998)