[00:27.670 --> 00:29.410]  I will, no, no, I will be, I will be.
[00:31.250 --> 00:33.170]  You know, all you wallflowers in the back.
[00:33.170 --> 00:34.910]  There's plenty of seats up here.
[00:35.110 --> 00:36.870]  Come right up and get to the splash zone.
[00:37.670 --> 00:39.650]  Except for the guy who walks immediately out.
[00:39.810 --> 00:40.890]  I'll remember you.
[00:44.440 --> 00:47.860]  How many people here... who here doesn't know who the f*ck I am?
[00:48.620 --> 00:49.060]  Awesome.
[00:49.440 --> 00:51.080]  Who the f*ck is this guy?
[00:55.580 --> 00:56.820]  Rolling, rolling, rolling.
[00:58.460 --> 00:58.900]  What?
[00:59.080 --> 00:59.660]  Is that important?
[00:59.880 --> 01:00.720]  Was that important to something?
[01:01.740 --> 01:03.360]  One... one... one... one... one...
[01:03.360 --> 01:04.260]  All right, everyone.
[01:04.440 --> 01:05.620]  My name is Jason Scott.
[01:05.760 --> 01:06.880]  You ride the cock horse!
[01:07.100 --> 01:08.640]  I ride the cock horse.
[01:09.680 --> 01:12.260]  Is a phrase sometimes ascribed to me.
[01:12.360 --> 01:13.440]  I don't know where it comes from.
[01:13.540 --> 01:15.480]  It comes from some sort of ether high.
[01:15.860 --> 01:17.420]  Some sort of ether frolic.
[01:17.420 --> 01:24.160]  Anyway, well, thank you everyone for coming here after midnight to 2600 after dark.
[01:24.420 --> 01:27.040]  And this is Hackers Got Talent.
[01:27.480 --> 01:32.620]  A show which we must point out has been sanctioned by nobody.
[01:35.220 --> 01:37.060]  Is barely running in beta.
[01:38.140 --> 01:39.820]  Has many sharp edges.
[01:41.180 --> 01:43.100]  But... but, but, but...
[01:43.840 --> 01:48.160]  Is a bunch of people standing up in front of their community to do something.
[01:48.600 --> 01:49.620]  So please remember...
[01:50.600 --> 01:52.520]  Even if you... however you respond...
[01:52.520 --> 01:53.960]  Please respond with love.
[01:54.360 --> 01:58.860]  This is a bit of bravery on their parts to come out in front of a show with no guidelines.
[01:59.640 --> 02:01.580]  We have no line producers.
[02:01.880 --> 02:04.540]  They were given no consent form to sign.
[02:04.780 --> 02:07.040]  I don't want to get sued for what I say.
[02:07.440 --> 02:09.600]  Also, I have no idea what they're going to do.
[02:09.760 --> 02:11.660]  We're making this up as we go along.
[02:13.120 --> 02:13.600]  So...
[02:15.000 --> 02:16.440]  So this is the very first time.
[02:17.000 --> 02:22.720]  And we currently have six lovely contestants who are going to show us a talent.
[02:23.980 --> 02:26.940]  And the rules will be explained to you by our judges.
[02:26.940 --> 02:29.100]  We have three wonderful judges here.
[02:29.240 --> 02:30.840]  The first is Rob Vincent.
[02:31.800 --> 02:32.420]  Come on up.
[02:33.500 --> 02:34.120]  Anything to say?
[02:34.180 --> 02:34.900]  Anything to say, Judge?
[02:36.240 --> 02:36.400]  Hello.
[02:37.360 --> 02:39.240]  Thank you all for... thank you all for coming.
[02:39.420 --> 02:42.540]  And thank those of you who are going to show us what you got.
[02:44.800 --> 02:45.200]  Exactly.
[02:46.600 --> 02:48.440]  We have some very special stuff planned.
[02:48.640 --> 02:50.720]  We've also got some prizes to give out.
[02:51.220 --> 02:56.140]  We've got a small prize, which I'll maybe describe once we're all up here, that every contestant will get.
[02:56.300 --> 02:57.640]  But we've also got some more special things.
[02:58.400 --> 03:02.840]  But before that, I will introduce one more of our judges, one of my distinguished colleagues.
[03:03.500 --> 03:04.700]  Let's all hear it for aesthetics.
[03:10.980 --> 03:11.480]  All right.
[03:12.140 --> 03:12.320]  Hello.
[03:12.510 --> 03:12.960]  Test one, two.
[03:13.060 --> 03:13.920]  Donald Trump, Donald Trump.
[03:14.600 --> 03:15.240]  Okay, good.
[03:15.450 --> 03:16.420]  It sounds like it's working.
[03:16.580 --> 03:16.670]  Yeah.
[03:16.820 --> 03:18.120]  So there's just two things I have to say.
[03:18.240 --> 03:22.010]  The first is that I'm allergic to Trump steak, and I won't tell you the story behind that.
[03:22.420 --> 03:23.960]  And I've already forgotten the second.
[03:24.420 --> 03:25.010]  Oh, right.
[03:25.080 --> 03:30.130]  The second one is if you're on drugs, please don't tell me, because so many people have told me that, and I don't...
[03:30.520 --> 03:31.620]  Well, I might f*ck with you.
[03:32.960 --> 03:33.320]  What?
[03:33.760 --> 03:34.300]  No, no.
[03:34.560 --> 03:40.320]  If you tell me that you are on drugs, I might tell you to have a good time, and I might have a lot of fun with you.
[03:41.450 --> 03:41.800]  What?
[03:41.960 --> 03:43.390]  I am not answering that question.
[03:47.200 --> 03:50.800]  If someone asks you if you're on drugs, don't tell either of their heads if you are.
[03:52.640 --> 03:58.020]  And finally, our third judge, the founder of 2600, of course, Emmanuel Goldstein.
[04:04.320 --> 04:10.300]  You can tell we never did this before, because one judge introduced the other, and Jason introduced the first judge and the third judge.
[04:10.460 --> 04:11.520]  It made perfect sense to me.
[04:11.520 --> 04:14.980]  But it's that kind of non-tradition that we embrace.
[04:15.280 --> 04:17.360]  So this is going to be awesome.
[04:18.100 --> 04:21.200]  We've never done it before, and hopefully we'll do it again.
[04:21.360 --> 04:27.380]  New tradition of Hackers Got Talent, because Hackers got a hell of a lot of talent, and I want to see some of it displayed and appreciated.
[04:27.780 --> 04:35.880]  So I hope all you guys, no matter how bad something might seem, maybe it's really something good that's disguised, and let's give it a chance.
[04:41.130 --> 04:43.190]  How many people from here are out of town?
[04:43.350 --> 04:44.250]  How many of you are out of town?
[04:44.370 --> 04:44.890]  Never been to New York?
[04:45.250 --> 04:46.550]  Okay, of that group...
[04:46.550 --> 04:47.290]  What the...
[04:47.290 --> 04:48.510]  Never been to New York?
[04:48.550 --> 04:49.050]  Don't be ashamed.
[04:49.190 --> 04:50.850]  How many of you it's your first time in New York?
[04:51.630 --> 04:52.770]  Okay, nothing closes.
[04:53.150 --> 04:55.190]  Like, you just walk in one direction and have a great time.
[04:55.190 --> 04:56.490]  So if this...
[04:56.490 --> 04:58.890]  If you're like, man, that wasn't very good, and now everything's closed.
[04:58.890 --> 04:59.490]  It's not.
[05:00.550 --> 05:04.010]  You're going to go outside and say, Jesus Christ, there's a baby stroller at 2 a.m.
[05:04.550 --> 05:04.910]  Why?
[05:05.110 --> 05:05.330]  Why?
[05:05.930 --> 05:06.870]  What's going on here?
[05:07.050 --> 05:08.290]  It's not a baby in that stroller.
[05:08.310 --> 05:09.730]  And it's not a baby in the stroller either.
[05:10.990 --> 05:11.710]  It's Ken's.
[05:12.310 --> 05:13.730]  And they've done stuff...
[05:13.730 --> 05:18.070]  They've done something terrible to Brooklyn, but right now, parts of New York are still unbelievable.
[05:18.690 --> 05:19.050]  Man.
[05:19.250 --> 05:19.550]  Oh, man.
[05:20.490 --> 05:27.770]  My best hope memory after dark was actually one where there was a cockroach, and it was on the corner over here, like over by the...
[05:27.770 --> 05:28.490]  Just across the corner.
[05:28.870 --> 05:29.070]  Sam.
[05:29.070 --> 05:34.790]  And it was there, and it was like three inches long, and it just did not give a shit.
[05:34.970 --> 05:38.910]  I mean, seriously, people are walking all around it, and it's like, hey, jefe.
[05:40.270 --> 05:40.710]  Hey.
[05:41.090 --> 05:43.130]  That sounds like one of the many Hotel Pen amenities.
[05:43.290 --> 05:43.770]  No, that was Sam.
[05:43.910 --> 05:44.630]  We know that one.
[05:44.890 --> 05:45.190]  Yeah.
[05:47.610 --> 05:49.770]  It might have been a bed bug if you took it home.
[05:51.370 --> 05:52.090]  Anyway, so...
[05:53.190 --> 05:54.310]  I'll be your bed bug.
[05:54.930 --> 05:55.610]  All right, all right, all right.
[05:55.750 --> 05:56.890]  So we're just kind of making this stuff up.
[05:57.090 --> 05:58.690]  And anyway, so...
[05:58.690 --> 06:00.790]  You know, guys, we're literally just going to...
[06:00.790 --> 06:02.790]  We're going to barrel forward with this.
[06:03.050 --> 06:11.370]  I believe in a straw poll, Rob got the short straw and now has to explain the rules of Hackers Got Talent.
[06:11.590 --> 06:12.390]  There are rules?
[06:12.570 --> 06:13.270]  There are rules.
[06:13.450 --> 06:15.010]  There are some rules.
[06:15.670 --> 06:22.450]  Each of the distinguished judges on this distinguished panel has scorecards that go up from one to 11.
[06:22.710 --> 06:23.990]  Our scores go up to 11.
[06:25.690 --> 06:35.630]  Those who have signed up for this particular trial will come up front, will present what they've got to you, and they will be dredged by each of us in turn.
[06:36.530 --> 06:39.330]  Everyone who participates, I'd like to show this off.
[06:39.570 --> 06:42.110]  These are patches of the U.S. Department of HOPEland security.
[06:45.450 --> 06:46.330]  You might have seen these...
[06:46.330 --> 06:47.210]  Not the person I watch it, though.
[06:47.370 --> 06:47.470]  Yeah.
[06:47.630 --> 06:54.110]  You might have seen the logo of the shady organization displayed around the con for the past few hopes.
[06:54.550 --> 06:56.130]  These are actually cool ones.
[06:56.290 --> 07:06.750]  They come with a Velcro backing that you can sew onto things, so if you actually go through DHS with these things or TSA with these things, you can tear the patch off and maybe actually get to your destination.
[07:07.150 --> 07:07.650]  Holy shit.
[07:08.090 --> 07:08.950]  Isn't that awesome?
[07:09.050 --> 07:09.730]  I didn't know that.
[07:10.570 --> 07:11.510]  These were made for us...
[07:11.510 --> 07:22.050]  These were given to us by DarkSim905 from TOOOL, who had these made up because the graphic is online, and he gave us a stack, so we're passing the savings on to you.
[07:22.350 --> 07:28.970]  So this is the cookie for participation, and there are some other things that people will be getting, I think.
[07:29.510 --> 07:30.510]  Oh, can I add something?
[07:30.510 --> 07:31.370]  You certainly can.
[07:31.510 --> 07:32.630]  There's two things that I want to add.
[07:32.770 --> 07:37.110]  The first is that all of us are incredibly sleep-deprived on fumes, and I'm guessing some of you can relate.
[07:37.770 --> 07:41.490]  And the second, how many of you have seen the show America's Got Talent?
[07:43.090 --> 07:43.450]  So few.
[07:43.450 --> 07:44.350]  Because none of us have.
[07:44.490 --> 07:44.850]  Yeah, we...
[07:44.850 --> 07:46.390]  We've never actually seen the show.
[07:46.390 --> 07:48.070]  Yeah, that actually came out in the email thread.
[07:48.190 --> 07:51.190]  That was one of those, like, who actually put fuel in the machine?
[07:51.290 --> 07:52.950]  Well, how hard can a talent... it's a talent show.
[07:53.030 --> 07:53.890]  How hard can it be?
[07:53.890 --> 07:56.730]  Yeah, so anyway, we're doing our own craziness.
[07:56.990 --> 07:59.310]  So why don't we get started with... why don't we start it?
[07:59.470 --> 08:03.450]  We should show off the grand prize, and we have... it's been locked up.
[08:04.050 --> 08:07.270]  Kyle of 2600 Financial Services is now showing.
[08:07.450 --> 08:10.470]  From our friends at USA, we're going to have a... no?
[08:10.890 --> 08:19.250]  Oh, sorry, the USA that's entertaining is showing off a Mr. Robot swag pack.
[08:19.290 --> 08:22.650]  It's a Mr. Robot shopping bag, but there's more inside there.
[08:22.650 --> 08:23.710]  There's stuff in it, too.
[08:23.910 --> 08:25.090]  Yeah, it's such a awesome bag, isn't it?
[08:25.150 --> 08:26.310]  Look at the colors on that bag.
[08:26.470 --> 08:26.790]  It's... yeah.
[08:28.270 --> 08:28.970]  Oh, wait, there's something.
[08:29.130 --> 08:29.230]  I don't know.
[08:29.310 --> 08:30.330]  It's Gwyneth Paltrow's head.
[08:30.770 --> 08:32.410]  Are there Mr. Robot fans here?
[08:32.750 --> 08:33.930]  Are there any Mr. Robot fans?
[08:34.110 --> 08:34.310]  There's a few.
[08:34.410 --> 08:34.790]  There's a few.
[08:34.890 --> 08:35.190]  There's a lot.
[08:35.190 --> 08:35.990]  Okay, I'm scared.
[08:36.630 --> 08:43.850]  You know, I dressed up as Mr. Robot and went to one at the Derby Con, and nobody recognized me except for one guy who came up and hugged me and said it's gonna be okay.
[08:43.850 --> 08:47.750]  He was walking through the conference all day yesterday, and nobody said a word with that mask on.
[08:47.770 --> 08:48.610]  Which is fine, fine.
[08:48.610 --> 08:51.010]  You'll figure out it's pretty fun in about five years.
[08:51.170 --> 08:52.570]  Yeah, show us the whole thing.
[08:52.750 --> 08:53.450]  No, don't dump it out.
[08:53.570 --> 08:54.090]  That's disrespectful.
[08:54.630 --> 08:56.170]  That's rude to a prize.
[08:56.350 --> 08:57.410]  I can hold this.
[08:57.410 --> 08:57.890]  You should wear it.
[08:57.930 --> 08:58.370]  Put it on.
[08:58.690 --> 09:00.930]  So this is a sweatshirt.
[09:01.530 --> 09:04.430]  And it says Mr. Robot.
[09:04.570 --> 09:05.790]  This is a sweatshirt that says Mr. Robot.
[09:05.790 --> 09:07.990]  Oh, we call those Mr. Robot sweatshirts.
[09:08.670 --> 09:09.310]  Wait, wait, wait.
[09:09.610 --> 09:13.290]  Show them what's hanging off the collar there, because that's part of it.
[09:13.290 --> 09:15.450]  Oh, yeah, it's a hood.
[09:17.810 --> 09:19.770]  Now you know where the word hoodie comes from.
[09:19.930 --> 09:20.990]  Now, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[09:21.030 --> 09:23.030]  No, those hooded sweatshirts are very famous.
[09:24.050 --> 09:24.910]  Diplomatic flag.
[09:25.170 --> 09:25.650]  Use the microphone.
[09:28.860 --> 09:29.740]  Yeah, okay.
[09:30.100 --> 09:31.440]  F Society, diplomatic flag.
[09:31.560 --> 09:32.340]  Diplomatic flag.
[09:32.580 --> 09:33.300]  Okay, very important.
[09:34.060 --> 09:34.820]  Donald Trump, Donald Trump.
[09:34.820 --> 09:35.420]  I thought it was up.
[09:35.820 --> 09:36.700]  I'm trying to get through this.
[09:36.980 --> 09:40.720]  We have, we have, this, this is amazing.
[09:41.220 --> 09:41.600]  Okay.
[09:42.100 --> 09:42.580]  Eat the mic.
[09:43.140 --> 09:44.320]  That mic doesn't work.
[09:44.480 --> 09:44.620]  What?
[09:44.900 --> 09:45.200]  Why does it work?
[09:45.220 --> 09:46.000]  Can we turn up that mic?
[09:46.260 --> 09:46.680]  We'll turn that mic on.
[09:47.140 --> 09:47.600]  Put up the mic.
[09:48.000 --> 09:48.980]  Put up the talent mic.
[09:49.240 --> 09:49.640]  Okay.
[09:49.820 --> 09:51.200]  Or as I call it, the bullhorn of talent.
[09:52.840 --> 09:58.340]  They're noise cancelling, and dare I say, they might cancel the voices.
[09:58.920 --> 09:59.080]  Right?
[10:00.380 --> 10:00.780]  So...
[10:00.780 --> 10:01.240]  Okay.
[10:01.880 --> 10:05.360]  I don't know if they're in the show, but they're in the gift bag.
[10:06.000 --> 10:06.400]  So...
[10:06.400 --> 10:07.200]  Elliot wears earbuds.
[10:07.200 --> 10:08.020]  These could be yours.
[10:08.040 --> 10:09.980]  Once again, if you're on drugs, do not talk to me.
[10:10.060 --> 10:10.820]  They're amazing.
[10:11.260 --> 10:11.660]  Asterisk.
[10:11.660 --> 10:13.000]  There's some stickers.
[10:13.440 --> 10:14.060]  And some stickers.
[10:14.140 --> 10:14.400]  And some stickers.
[10:14.400 --> 10:15.560]  Everybody gets stickers.
[10:15.740 --> 10:17.060]  And everybody on the thing is stickers.
[10:17.080 --> 10:18.960]  Everybody who participates gets stickers.
[10:19.640 --> 10:19.900]  One pat.
[10:20.160 --> 10:20.360]  Pat!
[10:20.900 --> 10:21.340]  Precious.
[10:21.980 --> 10:25.560]  I'm gonna improvise a little, also whoever ends up with this bag will get some extra patches.
[10:25.900 --> 10:25.980]  Wow.
[10:26.120 --> 10:26.480]  Awesome.
[10:26.780 --> 10:26.980]  Awesome.
[10:27.940 --> 10:28.380]  Wow.
[10:31.060 --> 10:32.160]  Wait, somebody has Adderall.
[10:32.440 --> 10:34.740]  There's no Adderall in the swag bag, I'm sorry to say.
[10:37.940 --> 10:40.920]  The audience has settled into a sort of slight amusement.
[10:41.200 --> 10:42.720]  That's my favorite... No spoilers for season two.
[10:42.720 --> 10:46.920]  Kind of a wave of indifference and sadness here in the beautiful Hotel Pen.
[10:47.140 --> 10:49.920]  Thanks again to the Hotel Pen for hosting us yet another year, by the way.
[10:50.320 --> 10:54.160]  We do it many times a year, but yeah, thanks to those guys for existing.
[10:55.100 --> 10:59.660]  As Emmanuel always likes to say, you know, every friggin' year this thing lives is a miracle.
[11:00.520 --> 11:02.720]  This is, you know, you're just like... I say that about everything, though.
[11:02.720 --> 11:03.340]  Yeah, no.
[11:03.800 --> 11:05.980]  Is it true that we're installing a pool on the roof next time?
[11:06.080 --> 11:08.720]  They might, but, you know, next year we might use more space.
[11:08.820 --> 11:09.840]  In fact, we will use more space.
[11:09.920 --> 11:11.900]  If a building smokes crack, this is that building.
[11:14.180 --> 11:19.300]  Anybody here ever walk down a hallway and be like, oh, this is sure... I'm surely not on the corporal dimension again.
[11:20.400 --> 11:22.420]  A couple of those, you walk in, you're like, no.
[11:24.260 --> 11:25.520]  Wow, they have an announcement system.
[11:25.640 --> 11:26.380]  No, it doesn't.
[11:28.220 --> 11:28.860]  It's amazing.
[11:29.080 --> 11:33.740]  Anyway, so, um, thanks again to the Hotel Pen for sticking around and, uh, being, being our friend.
[11:34.040 --> 11:35.880]  Um, all right, let's go through, let's go through this thing.
[11:36.060 --> 11:36.680]  Is that potted up?
[11:36.680 --> 11:37.780]  Stay off the damn roof, please.
[11:37.960 --> 11:38.400]  Are we doing that?
[11:38.500 --> 11:38.960]  Is that working?
[11:39.040 --> 11:39.640]  Is that working now?
[11:39.780 --> 11:40.100]  Yes.
[11:40.560 --> 11:44.200]  So, uh, all right, everybody.
[11:44.620 --> 11:49.280]  Can we get one more round of applause for the people who actually are brave enough to beta test this bullshit?
[11:50.100 --> 11:51.480]  Yeah, here at Hackers Got Talent!
[11:53.660 --> 11:55.460]  All right, is this actually traveling?
[11:55.560 --> 11:56.020]  Is this going?
[11:56.140 --> 11:56.560]  This is going?
[11:56.720 --> 11:58.380]  I guess there's no, uh, is the camera aiming at me?
[11:58.440 --> 11:58.760]  Oh, there it is.
[11:58.800 --> 11:59.700]  The camera's like, oh, why not?
[12:00.060 --> 12:00.380]  Awesome.
[12:00.800 --> 12:03.980]  Thanks again to the live streaming, and I'm so sorry to everyone out there.
[12:04.120 --> 12:07.360]  I think it's people in Europe waking up going, like, why did I get up for this shit?
[12:08.700 --> 12:11.400]  It's five o'clock in the morning in Germany, like, why am I here?
[12:11.920 --> 12:14.320]  This is what, uh, they deserve Donald Trump.
[12:14.420 --> 12:15.420]  What the f*ck's wrong with those people?
[12:15.420 --> 12:16.100]  So, all right.
[12:18.220 --> 12:19.800]  Let's, you want, should we just start?
[12:19.920 --> 12:20.340]  Should we just start?
[12:20.440 --> 12:20.980]  I think we should start.
[12:21.020 --> 12:21.720]  I think we should, yeah.
[12:21.800 --> 12:22.020]  All right, let's just start.
[12:22.260 --> 12:22.600]  Okay.
[12:22.760 --> 12:23.320]  All right.
[12:23.440 --> 12:28.180]  Well, our first contestant here on Hackers Got Talent is Jeff Patti.
[12:28.800 --> 12:29.260]  Am I getting it right?
[12:29.460 --> 12:29.900]  Jeff Patti?
[12:30.160 --> 12:31.100]  Jeff Patti, are you here?
[12:32.120 --> 12:32.840]  Come on down.
[12:32.940 --> 12:33.660]  The price is right.
[12:33.860 --> 12:34.180]  Oh, wait.
[12:34.260 --> 12:34.700]  Wrong show.
[12:36.880 --> 12:45.220]  So, um, I think I'll, I think I should say what Jeff has claimed that he will do, as opposed to having him describe it.
[12:45.420 --> 12:46.180]  Are there two Jeffs?
[12:46.860 --> 12:47.060]  Right.
[12:47.580 --> 12:48.140]  You're allowed.
[12:48.360 --> 12:48.920]  You're allowed.
[12:49.100 --> 12:49.640]  This is New York.
[12:50.040 --> 12:50.400]  Yeah.
[12:50.600 --> 12:50.600]  Yeah.
[12:50.600 --> 12:51.400]  You pair everybody up.
[12:52.240 --> 12:52.740]  Everything's cool.
[12:52.880 --> 12:53.160]  It's legal.
[12:53.420 --> 12:53.560]  It's good.
[12:54.020 --> 12:54.480]  We'll count you.
[12:54.600 --> 12:55.560]  Jeff Patti and?
[12:55.800 --> 12:56.400]  Robert Smee.
[12:56.620 --> 12:57.580]  Robert Smee.
[12:57.820 --> 12:58.580]  That's your hacker name?
[12:58.740 --> 12:59.080]  Smee.
[12:59.220 --> 12:59.580]  Smee.
[12:59.720 --> 12:59.720]  Smee.
[12:59.760 --> 13:00.000]  Yeah.
[13:00.180 --> 13:00.400]  Okay.
[13:00.800 --> 13:01.160]  Okay.
[13:01.800 --> 13:02.200]  The Smee.
[13:02.520 --> 13:03.080]  The Smee.
[13:03.220 --> 13:03.340]  The Smee.
[13:03.340 --> 13:03.460]  Smee.
[13:03.800 --> 13:04.080]  Okay.
[13:04.260 --> 13:08.400]  One of my services, okay, so one of my services for people is that if you need it, I can give you a hacker name.
[13:08.640 --> 13:11.300]  So, if you have a problem, you know, you need a hacker name.
[13:11.640 --> 13:12.180]  I'll, I'll give it to you.
[13:13.240 --> 13:13.680]  Huh?
[13:15.020 --> 13:15.760]  No, no, no.
[13:15.860 --> 13:16.420]  Your name, okay.
[13:16.840 --> 13:17.040]  Your name.
[13:19.870 --> 13:20.610]  Cock horse.
[13:20.950 --> 13:21.270]  Cock horse.
[13:22.730 --> 13:24.650]  When did you lose control of the crowd, Jason?
[13:26.810 --> 13:32.430]  And it says here that your talent is speed Rubik's Cube solving.
[13:32.850 --> 13:33.090]  Ooh.
[13:33.310 --> 13:36.650]  Quote, unquote, less than 45 seconds, it says on the tin.
[13:37.670 --> 13:38.110]  Mmm.
[13:39.130 --> 13:39.570]  Okay.
[13:39.570 --> 13:39.630]  Okay.
[13:39.830 --> 13:43.370]  So, we're going to get out of the way for this blindingly fast.
[13:43.890 --> 13:45.310]  Anyone here not know what Rubik's Cube is?
[13:45.350 --> 13:45.830]  Ask your dad.
[13:46.850 --> 13:47.030]  Okay.
[13:47.450 --> 13:49.230]  So, let's get this show on the road.
[13:49.470 --> 13:52.490]  I think that's... Oh, that's a good idea.
[13:52.990 --> 13:53.350]  Yeah.
[13:54.610 --> 13:55.410]  Oh, that's right.
[13:55.530 --> 13:58.550]  Jason, can we pass it down and we all like... Oh, yeah.
[13:58.750 --> 13:59.110]  Yeah, okay.
[13:59.610 --> 13:59.910]  Yeah.
[14:02.030 --> 14:02.910]  I broke it.
[14:03.050 --> 14:03.830]  You broke it.
[14:05.630 --> 14:07.570]  Oh, is that where you score the SDH card?
[14:08.670 --> 14:09.350]  How'd you know?
[14:10.270 --> 14:11.270]  Hack the cube!
[14:12.910 --> 14:14.150]  Hack the power cube.
[14:15.550 --> 14:16.150]  Hang on.
[14:16.290 --> 14:17.430]  This cube is full of heroin.
[14:20.150 --> 14:21.630]  Oh, heroin cube.
[14:21.910 --> 14:22.610]  Why did I bring you?
[14:24.030 --> 14:26.370]  So, this is what we call pseudo-random number generator.
[14:26.550 --> 14:27.070]  Pseudo-random, yeah.
[14:29.170 --> 14:29.530]  Okay.
[14:31.610 --> 14:33.450]  It's taking us longer to randomize me.
[14:34.890 --> 14:36.470]  I had to make sure it was a high enough key.
[14:36.950 --> 14:37.230]  What?
[14:39.370 --> 14:40.570]  So, you're each going to do one?
[14:41.330 --> 14:42.470]  I guess...
[14:42.470 --> 14:43.910]  I guess... Is that fine judges?
[14:44.350 --> 14:46.930]  They each want to do it once as their show.
[14:47.190 --> 14:47.550]  Okay.
[14:47.710 --> 14:49.990]  We might not be as excited the second time, but we'll try.
[14:49.990 --> 14:52.210]  The second time is kind of a little slower.
[14:52.570 --> 14:53.790]  You need a little time between the two.
[14:53.890 --> 14:57.150]  So, are we going to judge the first one, the second one, are both of them combined?
[14:57.290 --> 14:58.050]  They get a combined score?
[14:58.230 --> 14:59.630]  They get one score, because they're one act.
[15:00.010 --> 15:00.010]  God.
[15:00.490 --> 15:02.530]  They're going to do it... Oh, oh, oh.
[15:02.570 --> 15:03.450]  We're going to average it?
[15:04.510 --> 15:06.830]  I think they're both collaborating on this.
[15:06.910 --> 15:08.190]  They'll have to share any prizes.
[15:08.370 --> 15:08.490]  Okay.
[15:08.850 --> 15:09.230]  All right.
[15:09.850 --> 15:11.050]  We're grading this one on the curve.
[15:11.190 --> 15:11.370]  Okay.
[15:11.550 --> 15:12.010]  All right.
[15:12.090 --> 15:12.330]  All right.
[15:12.410 --> 15:12.610]  All right.
[15:12.750 --> 15:12.890]  Yeah.
[15:13.010 --> 15:16.930]  So, I think... Well, I guess we've got to have you this way, right?
[15:17.010 --> 15:17.510]  Because you all...
[15:17.510 --> 15:19.610]  I mean, you don't want them to turn around and go there.
[15:19.710 --> 15:20.250]  F*ck those guys.
[15:20.390 --> 15:22.070]  You guys want to see this done in front of you, right?
[15:22.190 --> 15:22.350]  Yeah.
[15:22.530 --> 15:23.730]  Yeah, we need... All right.
[15:23.950 --> 15:26.570]  Let the judges know your opinion.
[15:26.970 --> 15:27.790]  So, go ahead.
[15:27.930 --> 15:28.450]  Get over there.
[15:29.250 --> 15:32.310]  And the important thing, Emmanuel, is that you ask for this.
[15:32.690 --> 15:33.210]  Who's got a timer?
[15:33.390 --> 15:34.610]  Oh, you got a timer.
[15:34.930 --> 15:35.030]  Okay.
[15:35.190 --> 15:35.350]  Wait.
[15:35.470 --> 15:36.350]  Are we using your timer?
[15:36.450 --> 15:36.990]  Did you read your timer?
[15:37.070 --> 15:37.530]  They brought their own timer.
[15:37.670 --> 15:38.790]  I got a timer.
[15:38.910 --> 15:40.950]  This timer is really suspiciously slow.
[15:41.270 --> 15:41.410]  Yeah.
[15:41.730 --> 15:41.730]  All right.
[15:41.770 --> 15:43.230]  I don't know how you guys got time to start.
[15:43.450 --> 15:44.430]  Oh, that's what's better.
[15:45.090 --> 15:45.930]  Oh, that's right.
[15:45.990 --> 15:48.270]  You don't need a mic to solve a Rubik's Cube.
[15:48.470 --> 15:48.630]  Who knew?
[15:51.050 --> 15:52.370]  We need to assign a timekeeper, and I think Rob T. Firefly is... Yeah, let's do a countdown.
[15:52.890 --> 15:53.090]  All right.
[15:53.270 --> 15:54.310]  Audience, help me out with this.
[15:54.510 --> 15:58.710]  Five, four, three, two, one...
[15:58.710 --> 16:00.270]  HACK THE CUBE!
[16:03.360 --> 16:04.620]  SOLVE THE CUBE!
[16:04.920 --> 16:06.180]  SOLVE THE CUBE!
[16:06.460 --> 16:07.700]  SOLVE THE CUBE!
[16:07.820 --> 16:08.160]  SOLVE THE CUBE!
[16:08.160 --> 16:08.600]  SOLVE THE CUBE!
[16:08.600 --> 16:09.200]  SOLVE THE CUBE!
[16:09.460 --> 16:10.640]  CUBE IS WINNING!
[16:10.980 --> 16:12.060]  CUBE'S AHEAD!
[16:12.420 --> 16:13.560]  CUBE IN THE LEAD!
[16:13.780 --> 16:14.960]  CUBE AROUND THE BEND!
[16:14.960 --> 16:16.460]  HERE COMES THE CUBE!
[16:16.680 --> 16:17.960]  CUBE IS OWNING YOU!
[16:19.620 --> 16:22.160]  Did we say we were going to make this really hard on you?
[16:22.400 --> 16:22.860]  How are we doing?
[16:22.860 --> 16:22.860]  How are we doing?
[16:22.880 --> 16:22.880]  Where are we at?
[16:22.880 --> 16:24.640]  So far, the CUBE is displaying an amazing bunch of talent.
[16:25.060 --> 16:25.500]  Oh!
[16:25.700 --> 16:25.920]  F*ck!
[16:28.080 --> 16:28.520]  Oh!
[16:28.840 --> 16:28.980]  Oh!
[16:29.060 --> 16:29.100]  Oh!
[16:29.100 --> 16:29.220]  Oh!
[16:29.860 --> 16:30.220]  Wait, wait, wait.
[16:32.480 --> 16:32.920]  Okay.
[16:33.400 --> 16:34.440]  I've seen that on YouTube.
[16:34.660 --> 16:35.160]  What the f*ck?
[16:35.420 --> 16:44.660]  You guys, you guys, the timing on this is very nearly perfect because this was solved in 25.98 seconds.
[16:44.980 --> 16:45.940]  Not quite 26.
[16:46.220 --> 16:46.420]  Not quite.
[16:46.420 --> 16:48.980]  Two more hundredths of a second and I could have really had something, but...
[16:48.980 --> 16:49.580]  Yeah, I don't know.
[16:49.720 --> 16:51.020]  26 might have been a little...
[16:51.020 --> 16:51.240]  Yeah.
[16:55.000 --> 16:58.500]  And now the next set of pseudo-random number generation.
[16:58.920 --> 16:59.280]  What?
[16:59.460 --> 17:00.140]  That is on.
[17:01.100 --> 17:02.840]  Full disclosure, mine might be a little bit slower.
[17:02.840 --> 17:03.560]  Okay, I've lost the timer on this.
[17:03.580 --> 17:04.480]  You need to bring back the timer.
[17:05.220 --> 17:12.960]  My thing is, I solve it upside down, which to anybody that cubes out there, is a hallmark of doing the first two layers at one time.
[17:13.080 --> 17:14.180]  And that's just the way I solve it.
[17:14.220 --> 17:15.480]  And so that's my little gimmick, I guess.
[17:20.080 --> 17:21.860]  He said he's gonna do it a different way.
[17:22.620 --> 17:23.900]  We're all buying in.
[17:24.520 --> 17:25.700]  All right, all right.
[17:25.800 --> 17:27.300]  I mean, they've already got us in right here.
[17:27.440 --> 17:29.300]  It's the gambler's fallacy, right?
[17:29.320 --> 17:30.960]  We're already invested in one round.
[17:31.100 --> 17:32.080]  Why not get two rounds?
[17:32.160 --> 17:33.760]  And he's gonna do a trick for us.
[17:33.920 --> 17:37.180]  And his friend, their package deal, and we're happy with it.
[17:37.180 --> 17:37.620]  Body English?
[17:38.140 --> 17:39.120]  Stand in your head.
[17:39.180 --> 17:40.180]  That would be interesting.
[17:40.720 --> 17:41.840]  When you say you're gonna...
[17:41.840 --> 17:46.220]  Okay, so just so I understand this, you just used the phrase, I'm going to solve this upside down.
[17:46.340 --> 17:47.740]  I just mean, hold the cube upside down.
[17:47.800 --> 17:50.560]  I start with the bottom layer and work up instead of the other way around.
[17:50.980 --> 17:55.260]  That is a distinction nobody in this room will understand.
[17:55.420 --> 17:55.560]  Yeah.
[17:56.560 --> 17:59.060]  It has been explained that he's going to solve it upside down.
[17:59.200 --> 18:04.540]  And as we say in cube parlance, I guess, that means he's gonna solve the bottom layer up and come up, and he's gonna do that.
[18:07.300 --> 18:09.380]  Okay, get up on stage, get up on stage.
[18:09.500 --> 18:10.260]  We all have to see this.
[18:11.120 --> 18:11.460]  Okay.
[18:12.000 --> 18:12.940]  Oh, yeah, okay.
[18:13.560 --> 18:13.880]  All right.
[18:14.000 --> 18:15.460]  Once again, we need to...
[18:15.460 --> 18:18.080]  The best magic tricks are the ones where you have to explain it.
[18:18.860 --> 18:19.680]  That was the best.
[18:20.020 --> 18:20.340]  Okay.
[18:21.320 --> 18:23.300]  If you're ready, we'll count you down again.
[18:23.560 --> 18:25.340]  He's the strong but solving type.
[18:25.600 --> 18:26.700]  Audience, help me out again.
[18:26.700 --> 18:27.540]  One.
[18:27.740 --> 18:27.840]  One.
[18:27.840 --> 18:28.040]  Five.
[18:28.540 --> 18:29.020]  Four.
[18:29.340 --> 18:29.940]  Three.
[18:30.380 --> 18:30.820]  Two.
[18:31.420 --> 18:31.800]  One.
[18:32.320 --> 18:32.720]  Go.
[18:33.380 --> 18:34.600]  Solve the cube.
[18:34.920 --> 18:36.340]  Solve the cube.
[18:36.680 --> 18:38.100]  Using whatever method.
[18:38.280 --> 18:39.460]  Don't understand.
[18:39.860 --> 18:41.280]  It's meaningful to you.
[18:41.500 --> 18:42.940]  It's your personal religion.
[18:43.240 --> 18:45.740]  You are the pope of solving the cube.
[18:46.080 --> 18:47.180]  Look at you go.
[18:47.400 --> 18:48.260]  I think he's using the middle arrow, brother.
[18:48.260 --> 18:48.680]  I don't know what you're doing.
[18:48.840 --> 18:51.600]  It's really impressive to some sort of idea.
[18:51.600 --> 18:53.560]  Not sure what's happening.
[18:53.860 --> 18:54.920]  Why am I shouting alone?
[18:55.260 --> 18:56.380]  I feel sort of alone.
[18:56.620 --> 18:57.800]  Doesn't really matter.
[18:58.100 --> 18:59.960]  Embarrassment's not in my personality.
[19:01.360 --> 19:02.680]  Character doesn't do it.
[19:03.040 --> 19:04.180]  Useless guy in the crowd.
[19:04.420 --> 19:05.760]  Lots of things going on.
[19:06.380 --> 19:06.740]  Hooray.
[19:06.860 --> 19:07.080]  Hooray.
[19:07.260 --> 19:07.540]  Hooray.
[19:07.780 --> 19:08.900]  Hecklers are dumb.
[19:09.420 --> 19:10.080]  Da da da da.
[19:10.440 --> 19:11.540]  I am a heckler.
[19:12.400 --> 19:12.960]  And...
[19:13.380 --> 19:13.660]  Oh.
[19:13.880 --> 19:14.660]  Oh my God.
[19:14.920 --> 19:15.360]  Yeah.
[19:18.400 --> 19:19.600]  Our final ruling.
[19:19.820 --> 19:20.380]  Our final ruling.
[19:20.380 --> 19:22.560]  42.63 seconds.
[19:23.240 --> 19:23.560]  Yeah.
[19:24.180 --> 19:24.500]  So...
[19:24.500 --> 19:25.340]  Also, you have a Snapchat.
[19:26.140 --> 19:27.120]  Oh, I got Snapchat.
[19:27.220 --> 19:27.460]  Yeah.
[19:27.580 --> 19:27.760]  Thanks.
[19:28.240 --> 19:29.240]  You can have this back.
[19:29.440 --> 19:30.560]  Each of you get one of these.
[19:30.680 --> 19:31.160]  No matter what.
[19:31.200 --> 19:32.120]  No matter how it ends up.
[19:33.180 --> 19:33.820]  Okay, so...
[19:33.820 --> 19:34.600]  So, what happened?
[19:34.620 --> 19:34.900]  So, that's absolutely real.
[19:34.900 --> 19:36.340]  We increased our key shows that time.
[19:36.400 --> 19:37.780]  Do we have any idea if...
[19:37.780 --> 19:38.700]  I mean, I guess...
[19:38.700 --> 19:39.760]  I think we just can't...
[19:39.760 --> 19:40.780]  Like, there's no metric.
[19:41.880 --> 19:42.440]  Like, it's not...
[19:42.440 --> 19:46.080]  The next person coming up who's gonna sing is gonna be like, well, I can sing in 45 seconds.
[19:46.200 --> 19:47.300]  I mean, it's not gonna be like that.
[19:47.480 --> 19:48.360]  I think...
[19:48.360 --> 19:52.820]  So, I would say that their claim was, we can solve it in less than 45 seconds.
[19:52.980 --> 19:53.680]  We watched the thing.
[19:53.780 --> 19:54.280]  They were successful.
[19:54.300 --> 19:54.820]  You have all seen it.
[19:55.020 --> 19:55.900]  Keep it in your minds.
[19:56.120 --> 19:57.500]  Think Rubik's Cube and arbitrary.
[19:57.980 --> 20:00.500]  And thank you so much for your contribution.
[20:01.260 --> 20:02.500]  Please, a round of applause.
[20:06.160 --> 20:07.260]  So, now we vote.
[20:07.560 --> 20:07.860]  What?
[20:08.060 --> 20:08.820]  We vote now.
[20:09.280 --> 20:10.040]  With our cards.
[20:10.220 --> 20:10.600]  You vote now?
[20:10.720 --> 20:11.260]  Is that when it happens?
[20:11.320 --> 20:12.080]  Well, we have the cards.
[20:12.760 --> 20:13.160]  Okay.
[20:14.320 --> 20:14.720]  Okay.
[20:17.220 --> 20:19.140]  As, you know, Rob T. Firefly of radio is Off The Hook, I think that's the rule.
[20:19.320 --> 20:20.160]  I think we get to vote now.
[20:20.400 --> 20:20.700]  Okay.
[20:20.720 --> 20:23.600]  I guess we vote now in the now made up rules that we're following.
[20:23.760 --> 20:24.720]  Soon to become a tradition.
[20:24.960 --> 20:25.760]  And people saying, of course.
[20:25.920 --> 20:26.920]  It made sense the first time.
[20:27.380 --> 20:27.720]  It's a hope.
[20:27.800 --> 20:28.960]  It's a hackers got talent tradition.
[20:29.560 --> 20:30.640]  Best rule set ever.
[20:30.640 --> 20:31.360]  Go ahead.
[20:31.620 --> 20:31.760]  All right.
[20:31.920 --> 20:32.040]  All right.
[20:32.080 --> 20:32.340]  Fine.
[20:32.820 --> 20:35.100]  We all hold up our cards at the same moment.
[20:35.260 --> 20:35.960]  Is that really what we do?
[20:36.100 --> 20:36.340]  Okay.
[20:36.480 --> 20:38.460]  And then, if we want to, we explain...
[20:38.460 --> 20:39.260]  I wanted to cheat off Rob.
[20:39.540 --> 20:40.440]  ...justify our votes.
[20:41.020 --> 20:41.500]  Okay.
[20:41.980 --> 20:42.940]  Let's see it.
[20:43.120 --> 20:43.780]  Bring up...
[20:43.780 --> 20:45.040]  What do the judges say?
[20:46.040 --> 20:46.520]  Uh...
[20:46.520 --> 20:48.060]  I think we need another countdown for that.
[20:48.460 --> 20:48.900]  Three!
[20:49.440 --> 20:49.920]  Two!
[20:50.600 --> 20:51.060]  One!
[20:51.780 --> 20:52.260]  Score!
[20:55.340 --> 20:56.760]  I think that means we win.
[20:56.880 --> 20:57.760]  And aesthetics loses.
[20:58.580 --> 20:59.340]  Yeah, I lost.
[20:59.480 --> 21:00.040]  What did...
[21:00.580 --> 21:01.060]  Okay.
[21:01.440 --> 21:02.660]  Okay, so I already...
[21:02.660 --> 21:02.840]  I voted nine.
[21:03.080 --> 21:04.240]  Can I just say why I voted nine?
[21:04.440 --> 21:11.740]  I was less impressed with solving the Rubik's Cube as solving it in less than 45 seconds and he got all the way to 42.
[21:12.080 --> 21:13.220]  He got it really precisely.
[21:13.500 --> 21:13.740]  Okay.
[21:13.880 --> 21:14.340]  Very close.
[21:14.540 --> 21:14.640]  Yeah.
[21:14.640 --> 21:15.480]  I was impressed by that.
[21:15.520 --> 21:15.740]  Okay.
[21:16.480 --> 21:17.640]  We should write that down...
[21:17.640 --> 21:17.900]  Wait, wait, wait.
[21:17.940 --> 21:19.120]  We should write this down somewhere.
[21:19.360 --> 21:19.940]  We have a scorekeeper.
[21:20.420 --> 21:20.480]  Okay.
[21:21.640 --> 21:22.200]  Kyle's on it.
[21:22.600 --> 21:23.320]  That's the slogan.
[21:23.480 --> 21:24.000]  Kyle's on it.
[21:24.980 --> 21:25.920]  All right, number two.
[21:26.180 --> 21:27.220]  Let's go for contestant number two.
[21:27.380 --> 21:28.320]  Are you ready for contestant number two?
[21:28.380 --> 21:29.480]  We call him the golden voice of Florida.
[21:30.300 --> 21:32.560]  This, of course, is Cheshire Catalyst.
[21:33.180 --> 21:34.240]  The Cheshire Catalyst!
[21:34.340 --> 21:35.420]  The Cheshire Catalyst!
[21:38.860 --> 21:40.100]  Cheshire is not missing tonight.
[21:40.300 --> 21:43.060]  You're a legend and I do love you, man.
[21:43.220 --> 21:44.440]  You are friggin' awesome.
[21:44.640 --> 21:44.980]  Thank you.
[21:45.280 --> 21:45.480]  Okay.
[21:46.580 --> 21:47.040]  I'm really...
[21:47.040 --> 21:49.640]  Cheshire ran registration for the first HOPE conference.
[21:50.060 --> 21:54.220]  I really have taken this opportunity to reveal to the world an aspect of my area code.
[21:54.480 --> 22:01.600]  Now, for those who don't know, back in 1999, I went to the Florida Public Service Commission hearing that was splitting the 407 area code.
[22:02.080 --> 22:10.260]  I explained to them that Cape Canaveral, the countdown cap of the world, should, in my humble opinion, get area code 3-2-1.
[22:11.160 --> 22:12.540]  They liked the idea.
[22:13.920 --> 22:19.120]  The thing is that I had an inspiration, which I didn't realize at the time.
[22:19.120 --> 22:22.740]  And that was my true hero, Tom Lehrer.
[22:23.340 --> 22:26.120]  Now, Tom Lehrer used to write funny songs.
[22:26.500 --> 22:31.240]  And he got to thinking about the nostalgic songs of World War I, World War II.
[22:31.580 --> 22:37.060]  And, you know, if we're going to have nostalgic songs about World War III, we ought to start writing them now.
[22:38.940 --> 22:40.120]  Well, he did so.
[22:40.440 --> 22:41.980]  I'm about to sing it for you.
[22:42.560 --> 22:47.560]  But he left this three-beat pause in the middle of the bridge.
[22:48.020 --> 22:55.980]  But I have always filled in that bridge myself with my own lyrics, which I seemed appropriate to the song as I would sing it in the shower nearly every day.
[22:56.200 --> 22:58.540]  So there I am going down the list of area codes.
[22:58.680 --> 22:59.340]  You know the list.
[22:59.480 --> 23:02.080]  201 New Jersey, 202 DC, blah, blah, blah.
[23:02.560 --> 23:04.820]  Gaps marked available for geographic relief.
[23:04.820 --> 23:06.580]  Then I say, 3, 2, 1.
[23:06.820 --> 23:08.360]  Why does that sound familiar?
[23:08.560 --> 23:11.300]  Oh, I live near Cape Canaveral, the countdown capital.
[23:11.500 --> 23:14.700]  And, of course, that's the area code I took to the Public Service Commission.
[23:17.140 --> 23:18.300]  Well, let me see now.
[23:19.600 --> 23:21.360]  Let's start it up and see how it goes.
[23:22.520 --> 23:28.220]  Okay, so officially it is Cheshire Catalyst sings Tom Lehrer's So Long Mom.
[23:31.890 --> 23:32.530]  Hang on.
[23:32.830 --> 23:33.470]  Sorry about that.
[23:33.630 --> 23:34.110]  It's in beta.
[23:34.110 --> 23:34.510]  Shut up.
[23:34.650 --> 23:35.490]  That was a short song.
[23:35.490 --> 23:35.570]  Hang on.
[23:38.270 --> 23:40.250]  When has streaming music ever worked for you?
[23:40.470 --> 23:41.910]  So long, Mom.
[23:42.250 --> 23:43.790]  I'm off to drop the bomb.
[23:43.930 --> 23:46.390]  So don't wait up for me.
[23:47.490 --> 23:53.990]  But while you swelter down there in your shelter, you can see me on your TV.
[23:54.410 --> 24:01.530]  While we're attacking frontally, watch Brinkly and Huntily, describing contrapuntally the cities we have lost.
[24:01.530 --> 24:07.050]  No need for you to miss a minute of the agonizing Holocaust.
[24:07.610 --> 24:08.330]  Oh, yeah!
[24:10.650 --> 24:13.350]  Little Johnny Jones, he was a U.S.
[24:13.490 --> 24:13.850]  pilot.
[24:14.110 --> 24:16.530]  And no shrinking violet was he.
[24:16.690 --> 24:17.810]  Three, two, one.
[24:17.810 --> 24:20.670]  He was mighty proud when World War III was declared.
[24:21.030 --> 24:22.390]  He wasn't scared.
[24:22.570 --> 24:23.650]  No siree!
[24:24.090 --> 24:30.810]  And this is what he said on his way to Armageddon.
[24:32.210 --> 24:33.610]  So long, Mom.
[24:34.010 --> 24:35.510]  I'm off to drop the bomb.
[24:35.570 --> 24:38.050]  So don't wait up for me.
[24:38.770 --> 24:42.010]  But though I may roam, I'll come back to my home.
[24:42.350 --> 24:45.390]  Although it may be a pile of debris.
[24:46.530 --> 24:47.710]  Remember, Mommy.
[24:48.010 --> 24:49.630]  I'm off to get a commie.
[24:49.710 --> 24:51.430]  So send me a salami.
[24:51.570 --> 24:53.070]  And try to smell some how.
[24:53.430 --> 24:56.710]  I'll look for you when the war is over.
[24:58.630 --> 25:01.050]  An hour and a half from now.
[25:07.720 --> 25:08.400]  Wait, wait, wait.
[25:08.400 --> 25:08.980]  Come back up here.
[25:09.080 --> 25:09.680]  Come back up here.
[25:09.780 --> 25:11.220]  Amazing, amazing, amazing.
[25:11.460 --> 25:13.460]  And now you see where the 321 came from.
[25:13.620 --> 25:15.560]  He waited 11 hopes to show this talent.
[25:15.680 --> 25:16.340]  Chesh, come back up here.
[25:16.420 --> 25:16.940]  We're not done with you.
[25:17.040 --> 25:17.080]  Wow.
[25:17.440 --> 25:18.480]  Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
[25:18.480 --> 25:19.660]  First of all, have a patch.
[25:19.940 --> 25:20.680]  Get your patch.
[25:20.680 --> 25:20.720]  Get your patch.
[25:22.020 --> 25:22.340]  Yep.
[25:22.720 --> 25:24.740]  HOPEland Security has the best freedom fondle in the business.
[25:25.180 --> 25:25.560]  Yes, indeed.
[25:26.680 --> 25:27.880]  And I believe...
[25:27.880 --> 25:35.340]  Have our judges assembled their scores for the Cheshire Catalyst performance of Tom Lehrer's So Long, Mom.
[25:35.340 --> 25:37.020]  I'm off to drop the bomb.
[25:37.520 --> 25:38.300]  Are we ready?
[25:39.020 --> 25:39.680]  All right.
[25:39.780 --> 25:42.300]  Let's see if this time all three of you can do it at once.
[25:43.680 --> 25:45.500]  Show us your scores, judges.
[25:45.700 --> 25:46.560]  Numbers are confusing.
[25:48.400 --> 25:49.200]  Give it...
[25:49.200 --> 25:49.800]  Give it...
[25:49.800 --> 25:50.180]  Three...
[25:50.740 --> 25:51.140]  Two...
[25:51.680 --> 25:52.080]  One...
[25:52.080 --> 25:52.280]  Go!
[25:56.100 --> 25:56.500]  El!
[25:58.620 --> 25:59.300]  What we got?
[25:59.960 --> 26:00.700]  What the hell?
[26:01.580 --> 26:02.760]  Anybody recording these?
[26:03.280 --> 26:05.560]  Yes, they're being recorded by our official scorekeeper.
[26:06.020 --> 26:06.420]  Yeah.
[26:06.720 --> 26:07.340]  I'm on it.
[26:07.900 --> 26:08.800]  Whose name is Kyle.
[26:08.840 --> 26:11.280]  After each one, we're writing over the numbers of the previous one.
[26:11.360 --> 26:11.980]  What the f*ck do you think?
[26:13.840 --> 26:15.800]  So far, we've gotten a full six numbers out.
[26:16.720 --> 26:19.180]  After a half an hour, we have produced six...
[26:20.200 --> 26:23.820]  I think we can actually ask somebody what all the numbers were up to this point, and they would know, wouldn't they?
[26:24.180 --> 26:25.020]  We're getting better at this.
[26:25.040 --> 26:25.580]  You're smart people.
[26:26.280 --> 26:26.460]  All right.
[26:26.860 --> 26:27.320]  All right.
[26:27.420 --> 26:27.640]  Thank you.
[26:27.880 --> 26:31.060]  Did any of the judges feel the need to explain their judging?
[26:32.240 --> 26:34.160]  You know, I've known Cheshire for a while.
[26:34.160 --> 26:36.340]  I think I always kind of knew he had it in him.
[26:36.620 --> 26:37.540]  But I was never quite sure.
[26:38.020 --> 26:38.480]  Now I'm sure.
[26:39.560 --> 26:39.860]  Okay.
[26:40.980 --> 26:41.780]  Anything else?
[26:42.160 --> 26:42.460]  Oh, okay.
[26:43.000 --> 26:44.060]  It was really funny.
[26:44.440 --> 26:45.140]  It was...
[26:45.980 --> 26:46.800]  It's a classic.
[26:46.980 --> 26:47.940]  It's a classic.
[26:48.080 --> 26:51.080]  If you've never heard Tom Lehrer, you know, go...
[26:51.080 --> 26:52.840]  There's some awesome crap out there.
[26:52.980 --> 26:53.300]  Do it.
[26:53.960 --> 26:55.340]  It was an upside down seven.
[26:55.460 --> 26:56.080]  That's what I thought.
[26:56.360 --> 26:59.680]  Okay, so I think we're gonna go to number three contestant out of six.
[26:59.680 --> 26:59.700]  Thanks.
[27:00.120 --> 27:11.820]  Once again, reminding you, each contestant is bravely plunging backwards into whatever the hell this is, into the abyss, has no idea what they're in for, so please show love and applause.
[27:12.400 --> 27:13.220]  This is...
[27:13.220 --> 27:15.640]  Oh, I see his hacker name is Dave.
[27:17.320 --> 27:18.680]  Is there a Dave in the room?
[27:18.740 --> 27:24.440]  You can change the world with one or two great rock songs is the name of your...
[27:24.440 --> 27:25.580]  Does anybody have a guitar?
[27:25.840 --> 27:26.220]  Talent.
[27:27.240 --> 27:28.500]  Does anybody have a guitar?
[27:28.500 --> 27:29.880]  What are you, instant brownie mix?
[27:29.980 --> 27:31.380]  You show up and you don't have any...
[27:31.380 --> 27:33.200]  Hold on, I got a backup plan.
[27:33.380 --> 27:34.940]  You're the stone soup of talent.
[27:34.940 --> 27:35.540]  I like that.
[27:36.800 --> 27:38.700]  What kind of pseudo-hacker do you think I am?
[27:40.220 --> 27:41.020]  Does anybody...
[27:41.840 --> 27:42.820]  Have a guitar?
[27:43.020 --> 27:43.500]  One more time.
[27:43.660 --> 27:44.900]  Anybody got a guitar in here?
[27:44.920 --> 27:45.700]  Does anybody on the live stream have a guitar?
[27:45.700 --> 27:47.120]  I've been looking for one for 24 hours.
[27:47.660 --> 27:48.460]  We should radio for one.
[27:49.680 --> 27:51.260]  Could we radio for a guitar?
[27:52.000 --> 27:53.640]  Why don't we call 911 for a guitar?
[27:53.760 --> 27:54.720]  I guess 3-1-1.
[27:55.040 --> 27:55.620]  There's a guitar.
[27:55.620 --> 27:59.120]  All right, I thought 24 hours is enough, especially with this creative group.
[27:59.360 --> 28:00.240]  He asked us this yesterday.
[28:00.240 --> 28:03.060]  But if nobody in here has a guitar, I'm prepared to go on with something else.
[28:03.280 --> 28:04.000]  There's an app for that.
[28:04.700 --> 28:05.780]  There's an app for that?
[28:05.800 --> 28:06.040]  There's an app?
[28:06.140 --> 28:06.880]  There's a guitar app?
[28:06.940 --> 28:07.120]  Okay.
[28:07.580 --> 28:08.480]  I've got a lot...
[28:08.480 --> 28:12.000]  Well, first of all, I'm Dave, of course, like you all know.
[28:12.600 --> 28:13.240]  Hi, Dave.
[28:13.760 --> 28:14.140]  Hello.
[28:14.140 --> 28:16.200]  It seems like an AA meeting.
[28:16.720 --> 28:18.180]  This is my fourth hope.
[28:18.460 --> 28:20.580]  And when I came here for...
[28:21.140 --> 28:21.660]  I'm sorry.
[28:21.820 --> 28:30.380]  When I came here six years ago, I guess, in 2010, I immediately found a lot of community and friends and...
[28:30.380 --> 28:31.100]  We love you, Dave.
[28:31.380 --> 28:31.920]  Thank you.
[28:32.040 --> 28:33.700]  And a lot of welcome and stuff.
[28:33.700 --> 28:36.880]  And I've greatly benefited from that coming back each year.
[28:36.880 --> 28:40.400]  So I appreciate everything that Emmanuel and everybody at the Staff 2600 does.
[28:40.560 --> 28:41.840]  You still can't have my bud, Lloyd.
[28:43.820 --> 28:48.960]  So I've got a lot of respect, too, for Lloyd Blankenship, or the mentor.
[28:50.380 --> 28:52.040]  And took a lot of...
[28:52.640 --> 28:58.060]  Took a lot of value in this thing that I found on the Internet many years ago.
[28:58.340 --> 29:05.540]  And it really encouraged me to not only work in technology, but eventually live out my dream by working in network security on a regular basis.
[29:05.540 --> 29:08.700]  And these days, I don't even have to work overnight shift anymore.
[29:11.300 --> 29:15.160]  So anyway, here's the Conscience of a Hacker by The Mentor.
[29:15.320 --> 29:17.560]  And this is actually directly from Phrack.
[29:17.680 --> 29:20.820]  And of course, 2600 has already reprinted this, too, I believe.
[29:21.800 --> 29:23.200]  Another one got caught today.
[29:23.520 --> 29:24.680]  It's all over the papers.
[29:25.100 --> 29:27.560]  Teenage arrested in computer crime scandal.
[29:27.840 --> 29:30.260]  Hacker arrested after bank tampering.
[29:30.460 --> 29:31.280]  Damn, kids.
[29:31.400 --> 29:32.280]  They're all alike.
[29:32.280 --> 29:39.560]  But did you, in your three-piece psychology and 1950s techno brain, ever take a look behind the eyes of a hacker?
[29:40.060 --> 29:42.140]  Did you ever wonder what made him tick?
[29:42.320 --> 29:44.520]  What forces shaped him or her?
[29:44.800 --> 29:46.320]  What may have molded him?
[29:46.700 --> 29:47.560]  I'm a hacker.
[29:47.840 --> 29:48.560]  Enter my world.
[29:48.860 --> 29:51.080]  Mine is a world that begins with school.
[29:51.080 --> 29:53.720]  I'm smarter than most, than the other kids.
[29:53.860 --> 29:55.800]  This crap they teach us bores me.
[29:56.260 --> 29:57.260]  Damn, underachiever.
[29:57.480 --> 29:58.380]  They're all alike.
[29:58.720 --> 30:00.840]  I'm in junior high or high school.
[30:01.040 --> 30:05.480]  I've listened to teachers explain for the 15th time how to reduce a fraction.
[30:05.680 --> 30:06.720]  I understand it.
[30:07.200 --> 30:08.620]  Nah, ma, Smith.
[30:08.920 --> 30:10.480]  I didn't show my work.
[30:10.620 --> 30:12.000]  I did it in my head.
[30:12.420 --> 30:13.080]  Damn, kid.
[30:13.300 --> 30:14.360]  Probably copied it.
[30:14.520 --> 30:15.420]  They're all alike.
[30:15.420 --> 30:17.180]  I made a discovery today.
[30:17.520 --> 30:18.360]  I found a computer.
[30:18.680 --> 30:19.560]  Wait a second.
[30:19.840 --> 30:20.460]  This is cool.
[30:20.700 --> 30:22.200]  It does what I want it to do.
[30:22.420 --> 30:25.600]  If it makes a mistake, it's because I screwed up.
[30:25.740 --> 30:27.400]  Not because it doesn't like me.
[30:27.560 --> 30:29.060]  Or feels threatened by me.
[30:29.220 --> 30:30.700]  Or thinks I'm a smartass.
[30:30.940 --> 30:34.420]  Or doesn't like teaching and showing, and shouldn't be here.
[30:34.840 --> 30:35.560]  Damn, kid.
[30:35.800 --> 30:37.260]  All he does is play games.
[30:37.400 --> 30:38.340]  They're all alike.
[30:39.100 --> 30:40.200]  And then it happened.
[30:40.440 --> 30:46.320]  A door opened to a world, rushing through the phone line, like heroin through an attic's veins.
[30:46.520 --> 30:48.460]  An electronic pulse is sent out.
[30:48.620 --> 30:51.700]  A refuge from the day-to-day incompetency's assault.
[30:51.880 --> 30:53.320]  A board is found.
[30:54.060 --> 30:55.000]  This is it.
[30:55.300 --> 30:56.400]  This is where I belong.
[30:56.680 --> 30:58.020]  I know everyone here.
[30:58.220 --> 30:59.660]  Even if I've never met them.
[30:59.880 --> 31:01.340]  Never talked to them.
[31:01.680 --> 31:03.380]  May never hear from them again.
[31:03.640 --> 31:04.680]  I know you all.
[31:05.100 --> 31:05.760]  Damn, kid.
[31:06.180 --> 31:07.280]  Tying up the phone line.
[31:07.420 --> 31:08.380]  They're all alike.
[31:09.160 --> 31:10.980]  You bet your ass we're all alike.
[31:11.100 --> 31:14.260]  We've been spoon-fed baby food at school.
[31:14.260 --> 31:15.820]  When we've hungered for steak.
[31:16.100 --> 31:21.480]  The bite of meat that you did let slip through were pre-chewed and tasteless.
[31:21.720 --> 31:23.700]  We've been dominated by sadists.
[31:23.880 --> 31:25.620]  Or ignored by the apathetic.
[31:25.960 --> 31:29.540]  The few that had something to teach found us willing pupils.
[31:29.960 --> 31:32.660]  But those few are like drops of water in the desert.
[31:33.060 --> 31:34.540]  This is our world now.
[31:34.760 --> 31:36.660]  The world of the electron and the switch.
[31:37.140 --> 31:38.420]  The beauty of the bod.
[31:38.420 --> 31:41.280]  We make use of a service already existing.
[31:41.440 --> 31:43.620]  Without paying for what could be dirt cheap.
[31:43.860 --> 31:46.240]  If it wasn't run by profiteering gluttons.
[31:46.700 --> 31:48.020]  And you call us criminals?
[31:48.340 --> 31:50.260]  We explore and you call...
[31:50.260 --> 31:53.020]  We explore and you call us criminals?
[31:53.360 --> 31:54.780]  We seek after knowledge.
[31:55.240 --> 31:56.220]  And you call us criminals?
[31:56.480 --> 31:58.540]  We exist without skin color.
[31:58.880 --> 31:59.900]  Without nationality.
[32:00.520 --> 32:01.600]  Without religious bias.
[32:01.600 --> 32:03.740]  And you call us criminals?
[32:04.060 --> 32:05.700]  You build atomic bombs.
[32:05.840 --> 32:06.620]  You wage wars.
[32:06.860 --> 32:08.900]  You murder, cheat, and lie to us.
[32:09.020 --> 32:11.340]  And try to make us believe it's for our own good.
[32:11.600 --> 32:12.880]  But we're the criminals?
[32:13.420 --> 32:14.960]  Yes, I am a criminal.
[32:15.340 --> 32:16.780]  My crime is that of curiosity.
[32:17.160 --> 32:21.140]  My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think.
[32:21.280 --> 32:22.580]  Not by what they look like.
[32:22.900 --> 32:24.860]  My crime is that of outsmarting you.
[32:26.100 --> 32:29.060]  Something that you will never forgive me for.
[32:29.060 --> 32:31.700]  I'm a hacker, and this is my manifesto.
[32:31.880 --> 32:35.100]  You may stop this individual, but you can't stop us all.
[32:35.300 --> 32:36.940]  After all, we're all alike.
[32:37.500 --> 32:38.100]  The Mentor.
[32:38.260 --> 32:38.440]  Thanks.
[32:44.520 --> 32:47.520]  So once again, that was Dave reading from the howl...
[32:47.520 --> 32:48.780]  I'll play guitar next time.
[32:50.020 --> 32:52.880]  That was Dave reading from the howl of hacker manifestos.
[32:53.360 --> 32:54.260]  The Hacker Manifesto.
[32:55.700 --> 32:56.200]  So...
[32:56.760 --> 32:57.260]  Awesome.
[32:57.950 --> 32:59.700]  See how much more cultured we are?
[32:59.800 --> 33:02.320]  I bet you America Got Talent has no poetry readings.
[33:03.220 --> 33:04.200]  We're really ahead of the...
[33:05.980 --> 33:07.180]  We're ahead of the curve.
[33:07.380 --> 33:07.520]  We're ahead of the curve.
[33:07.520 --> 33:07.820]  We're ahead of the curve.
[33:07.920 --> 33:08.200]  I'm just saying.
[33:08.280 --> 33:09.480]  Man, if we had a guitar, that would have been awesome.
[33:09.740 --> 33:09.940]  Yeah.
[33:10.220 --> 33:12.280]  Without that guitar, Jesus, why do we even sit through that?
[33:13.760 --> 33:14.240]  You're right.
[33:14.360 --> 33:14.780]  It was like missing.
[33:14.900 --> 33:16.080]  It was like, yeah, it was like drinking...
[33:16.080 --> 33:16.600]  Yeah, it was like...
[33:17.100 --> 33:17.740]  No gimlet.
[33:17.900 --> 33:18.780]  Anyway, so...
[33:18.780 --> 33:20.020]  All right, all right, all right, all right.
[33:20.180 --> 33:23.760]  So I believe the judges have their numbers ready.
[33:24.400 --> 33:24.900]  Okay.
[33:25.540 --> 33:26.540]  So here we go.
[33:26.780 --> 33:31.960]  For Dave, you can change the world with one or two great rock songs slash I mean.
[33:32.200 --> 33:35.800]  Let me read from the Mentor's Hacker Manifesto.
[33:37.640 --> 33:39.820]  Three, two, one.
[33:52.640 --> 33:55.840]  You can see how shitty this is that I have to walk down to see what they got.
[33:56.320 --> 33:56.680]  Anyway.
[33:57.480 --> 33:58.700]  I do have one comment.
[33:58.900 --> 33:59.540]  Do we have any comments?
[33:59.680 --> 34:00.060]  Go ahead, go ahead.
[34:00.260 --> 34:01.140]  What year was that from?
[34:01.220 --> 34:02.620]  It was like, 86 or something?
[34:02.760 --> 34:03.060]  86.
[34:03.440 --> 34:07.720]  Yeah, I just wanted to point out to everyone, you may have seen this from the talks here this weekend.
[34:07.960 --> 34:12.800]  You just change a couple of words in that, like the technologies, and it's the same f*cking thing as we have today.
[34:13.340 --> 34:13.700]  Exactly.
[34:14.280 --> 34:18.760]  Except nowadays you can judge hackers by their skin color before you've met them and so on.
[34:18.980 --> 34:19.460]  Damn kids.
[34:19.520 --> 34:21.040]  They all play in Pokemon Go.
[34:21.170 --> 34:21.960]  Just use IRC.
[34:23.680 --> 34:29.590]  I should also mention, we also have Mr. Robot stickers to give away for all participants, so the first couple of you didn't get the stickers.
[34:30.110 --> 34:30.610]  Yeah, come on up.
[34:30.720 --> 34:31.220]  So, Chesh, we have some of these for you.
[34:31.280 --> 34:31.980]  And our Rubik's Cubist.
[34:32.000 --> 34:32.500]  Get your stickers ready.
[34:32.520 --> 34:34.150]  We have some stickers for you if you want to come up and get them.
[34:35.070 --> 34:35.400]  So...
[34:36.040 --> 34:36.360]  Okay.
[34:39.400 --> 34:39.720]  So...
[34:40.280 --> 34:40.590]  I...
[34:40.920 --> 34:41.240]  The...
[34:41.240 --> 34:42.380]  We're at the halfway point.
[34:42.540 --> 34:43.590]  Yeah, the next one's...
[34:43.590 --> 34:45.040]  Well, okay, so...
[34:45.040 --> 34:45.900]  Yeah, okay, so...
[34:45.900 --> 34:47.610]  I'm gonna switch the order just slightly.
[34:47.800 --> 34:48.590]  So we have a...
[34:48.590 --> 34:49.630]  We have a variation.
[34:49.760 --> 34:50.720]  Oh, I'm here for the...
[34:55.730 --> 34:57.210]  Give me the stickers.
[34:58.450 --> 34:59.430]  I want the sticker.
[34:59.510 --> 35:00.190]  Why aren't you up here?
[35:00.390 --> 35:02.630]  Why aren't you up here on Talent Row?
[35:03.330 --> 35:03.650]  You never...
[35:03.650 --> 35:04.550]  You're gonna have to...
[35:04.550 --> 35:05.130]  Talent Row?
[35:05.210 --> 35:05.650]  What's that?
[35:05.910 --> 35:06.810]  That's the front row.
[35:07.010 --> 35:07.410]  The front row.
[35:07.530 --> 35:07.890]  Talent Row.
[35:08.370 --> 35:08.790]  Oh, alright.
[35:08.870 --> 35:09.430]  Great, yeah.
[35:11.510 --> 35:12.550]  Well, what's your talent?
[35:12.750 --> 35:12.870]  Yeah.
[35:13.330 --> 35:14.690]  Let's make somebody's nightmare.
[35:14.870 --> 35:15.990]  You're next on the show!
[35:17.350 --> 35:18.090]  What show?
[35:18.250 --> 35:19.290]  I didn't apply for a...
[35:19.290 --> 35:20.010]  Oh, my God.
[35:20.270 --> 35:20.670]  Wake up.
[35:20.810 --> 35:21.410]  Drenched pillow.
[35:22.050 --> 35:22.270]  Alright.
[35:22.270 --> 35:24.690]  We should make one random seat participant.
[35:24.930 --> 35:25.870]  A non-willing participant.
[35:26.350 --> 35:29.030]  Our next contestant is Steven Martin Cohen.
[35:32.590 --> 35:34.210]  Hello, Mr. Cohen.
[35:36.990 --> 35:41.350]  Welcome to Hackers Got Talent, or as we like to call it, nobody worked out how this is played.
[35:42.470 --> 35:45.610]  And your listed talent is nothing.
[35:45.790 --> 35:50.490]  I don't have it listed here, so please explain to the audience, what are you bringing to the table, sir?
[35:50.990 --> 36:00.650]  I'm gonna talk about my job titles and various things that I've done in a few jobs.
[36:01.090 --> 36:01.530]  Yeah!
[36:02.310 --> 36:02.750]  Um...
[36:02.750 --> 36:03.030]  And...
[36:03.030 --> 36:05.550]  Okay, so for the record, sir, you're saying...
[36:05.550 --> 36:05.970]  I've gotten fired from...
[36:05.970 --> 36:06.810]  Are these jobs legal?
[36:06.810 --> 36:07.110]  Wait, wait, wait.
[36:07.110 --> 36:07.810]  You're saying...
[36:07.810 --> 36:11.550]  Okay, so what you're saying is your talent is you're going to read us your resume.
[36:11.790 --> 36:12.070]  No, no, no.
[36:12.750 --> 36:14.290]  Don't you say it's your greatest fault.
[36:14.490 --> 36:15.110]  Just to be clear.
[36:15.290 --> 36:15.710]  I'm gonna tell you...
[36:15.710 --> 36:17.850]  I'm gonna tell you stories of actual employment.
[36:18.090 --> 36:18.310]  Okay.
[36:18.470 --> 36:23.410]  Remember that each one of these people has a bed somewhere, so be sure...
[36:23.410 --> 36:26.570]  Remember, brevity is the spice of life.
[36:26.770 --> 36:27.650]  The soul of wit.
[36:27.650 --> 36:31.070]  And the salt of the earth is the spice of the brevity.
[36:31.430 --> 36:32.810]  Also, after five minutes, we get the big hug.
[36:32.810 --> 36:34.270]  Okay, let's have some brevity.
[36:34.270 --> 36:35.550]  Let's bring this on, Mr. Cohen.
[36:35.690 --> 36:37.010]  Tell us what you got.
[36:37.950 --> 36:38.350]  Okay.
[36:38.910 --> 36:39.310]  Um...
[36:39.310 --> 36:44.110]  I worked at a company called PRD, which stands for Polytechnic Research and Development.
[36:44.270 --> 36:45.490]  They were in Syosset, New York.
[36:45.510 --> 36:46.670]  I was a job shopper.
[36:46.770 --> 36:48.710]  I worked in a room full of job shoppers.
[36:48.790 --> 36:51.750]  They put their names on a sheet of paper on the wall.
[36:51.990 --> 36:56.290]  I used to add a name every day, Uncle Peculiar, Mambusu Rosaflex.
[36:56.290 --> 36:59.070]  I just, you know, I had to, like, have my fun.
[36:59.210 --> 36:59.870]  I added things.
[37:00.070 --> 37:11.610]  Well, one of the things that they did, they took a pet computer, thousands of them, and they invested tens of thousands of hours.
[37:11.610 --> 37:16.390]  Now, this was back when 64K of memory meant something, if anyone knows the Commodore PET.
[37:16.650 --> 37:26.690]  Well, they took out of basic, they wrote thousands of lines of basic code to create a machine language.
[37:28.210 --> 37:31.350]  So you have to appreciate how insane this was.
[37:31.450 --> 37:31.850]  Wait a second.
[37:31.850 --> 37:37.810]  They created a machine language which then used so much memory that you can only write 200 lines of code to test hardware.
[37:37.810 --> 37:39.210]  And it was lame.
[37:39.430 --> 37:43.150]  It was like a cop 4-bit microprocessor code.
[37:43.370 --> 37:44.450]  I mean, it was really stupid.
[37:44.650 --> 37:47.510]  And if you've ever done any coding, you can appreciate how dumb this was.
[37:47.610 --> 37:56.210]  So, out of the 200 lines of code you had left over, using the machine language to create an interpretive language to then recreate a machine language.
[37:56.590 --> 37:58.750]  Like, wrap your mind around this.
[37:58.930 --> 38:00.570]  And it was bad machine language also.
[38:00.570 --> 38:03.210]  And then you would then bit bang to test hardware.
[38:03.430 --> 38:04.250]  Like, you would...
[38:04.250 --> 38:06.170]  My job was to test a...
[38:06.970 --> 38:07.410]  What?
[38:07.550 --> 38:13.230]  It was like to test a 16-word by 8-bit, by 9-bit memory.
[38:13.370 --> 38:18.530]  So, you would have to put out an address, put out data, clock the bit one at a time.
[38:18.670 --> 38:23.270]  So, I wrote a lot of subroutines to do this, to try to use the code more effectively.
[38:23.630 --> 38:31.210]  Because someone had written like 15 or 20 load modules where they'd load one bit pattern, then another bit pattern, then another bit pattern.
[38:31.430 --> 38:36.970]  And I wrote a program so I could have, you know, checkerboard patterns and moving ones and moving zeros.
[38:37.230 --> 38:38.710]  And, you know, I compressed it.
[38:38.790 --> 38:43.290]  And I had lots of comment statements that explained how it was working.
[38:43.450 --> 38:44.290]  And the thing worked.
[38:44.310 --> 38:51.550]  So, one day, a guy from the company comes in and talks across the room.
[38:51.670 --> 38:54.470]  And there are maybe 15 or 20 job shoppers in this room.
[38:55.150 --> 38:58.990]  And he says, I don't understand how this program works.
[38:58.990 --> 38:59.990]  I said, well, does it work?
[39:00.150 --> 39:02.490]  And he said, well, yeah, it works, but I don't understand how it works.
[39:02.750 --> 39:13.010]  And then he said, you write software with all these subroutines just like this other Jewish guy who worked here.
[39:14.790 --> 39:20.790]  So, I said, without skipping a beat, I said, I never wrote a Jewish subroutine in my life.
[39:22.250 --> 39:24.170]  All my subroutines are Gentile.
[39:26.250 --> 39:30.210]  Now, I thought that was hilarious, but it was dead silence in the room.
[39:30.350 --> 39:33.410]  It just...sailing over everyone's head.
[39:33.790 --> 39:35.670]  And now, one of the other things I did...
[39:35.670 --> 39:40.430]  Now, actually, because of his story, I'm actually going to change what I was going to say a little bit.
[39:40.430 --> 39:47.290]  But one of the things I did was I wrote a program to test this relay test bay for this thing that passed RF signals.
[39:47.430 --> 39:51.690]  And a relay would close, and it would close one data point to one point to another point.
[39:51.770 --> 39:52.750]  You'd measure with an ohmmeter.
[39:53.190 --> 39:58.750]  Now, I wrote a program, and there was seven...you could choose seven programs to run.
[39:58.750 --> 40:07.370]  And if you chose an eight or more, or less than one, I would actually...I had it print out, are you on drugs?
[40:08.450 --> 40:09.690]  Now, this is for the military.
[40:09.690 --> 40:10.170]  Don't tell me!
[40:10.470 --> 40:13.770]  But you can't say print, quote, are you on drugs?
[40:14.130 --> 40:20.210]  So, I had to write the ASCII code for all the letters and then run a program to actually then display it.
[40:20.310 --> 40:25.130]  So, somewhere, someone's going to be on drugs, and that program is going to display, are you on drugs?
[40:25.130 --> 40:35.070]  Well, I kid you not, this is an...and then also, to look at the connectors, they put me in a room that was dark.
[40:35.510 --> 40:46.790]  And there was no light to look at these Bendix connectors with, like, terminal AA of terminal of connector 16 connects to this pin of that.
[40:46.930 --> 40:48.890]  And you couldn't see it, because it was dark.
[40:49.130 --> 40:50.010]  So, I needed a light.
[40:50.350 --> 40:53.490]  Now, you want to know why, like, a toilet seat costs $200?
[40:54.010 --> 41:01.890]  Or why things...you can't...they can't give you 19 bucks to go to Kmart to buy a light, because the opportunity for malfeasance is too great.
[41:02.390 --> 41:07.150]  Like, if you went to Kmart...I mean, let's say your brother-in-law works there, and he's getting a 12-cent kickback.
[41:07.310 --> 41:19.630]  I mean, that...the military industry...yeah, so...so they sent out a request for proposal, and of course, there's a minimum buy of, like, 500 units.
[41:19.630 --> 41:28.630]  Like, that light could cost $14,000 for that one light, so you could look at the f*cking AA, terminal AA.
[41:28.870 --> 41:32.490]  So, I got...I was a pain in the ass, so I was a perennial pain in the ass.
[41:32.770 --> 41:39.930]  I go to my bosses, bosses, bosses, like, four levels of management up, and I got permission to pull...because they never throw anything out.
[41:39.930 --> 41:41.710]  So, they have stock rooms full of broken lights.
[41:41.850 --> 41:49.170]  Out of that, I made one working light, and it only cost the taxpayer eight hours of my time billing at $26 an hour.
[41:50.030 --> 42:02.770]  And this is...that was the cheapest solution, because they really wanted me to sit there and read the newspaper for six weeks, while this went through a quest for proposal, and they got three competitive bids, so that they could provide me with a light,
[42:02.770 --> 42:06.610]  with, you know, one of those lights, and you fold it with the springs on it, and you position it.
[42:06.910 --> 42:08.190]  So, so much for that.
[42:08.370 --> 42:09.250]  So, all right, years...
[42:13.090 --> 42:13.810]  Years later...
[42:16.130 --> 42:16.630]  Well, wait.
[42:16.970 --> 42:18.390]  Years later...
[42:18.390 --> 42:19.550]  Years later...
[42:20.170 --> 42:22.970]  I have another job as a toy inventor.
[42:24.070 --> 42:28.130]  This was my dream job, because I got to work on every kind of technology imaginable.
[42:28.130 --> 42:37.290]  And, you know, mechanical engineering, electrical engineering, software, whatever it was, a digital signal processing with a TMS 7000 chip.
[42:37.850 --> 42:39.090]  This was amazing stuff.
[42:39.210 --> 42:53.150]  I built a harmonizer based on an algorithm that I dreamt up during an LSD trip a few years earlier, where you read data into the memory at a different rate than you read it out, so it'll either pitch shift up or pitch shift down.
[42:53.150 --> 42:58.270]  And, you know, I never told the boss that I dreamt this up on an acid trip, because you can't say, you know, you can't say that, you know.
[42:59.350 --> 43:02.270]  So, I said, oh, I dream these things up at night, you know.
[43:03.070 --> 43:10.610]  So, so, oh, so, so, so, I'm on the, so I'm on the train going to my job.
[43:12.390 --> 43:13.950]  Wait, is it time out?
[43:14.590 --> 43:16.890]  Oh, I'm so, oh, I'm on the train.
[43:16.930 --> 43:18.790]  I'm on the train going to my job.
[43:18.890 --> 43:23.650]  And at that time, there's this one, there's this white guy reading the newspaper.
[43:24.030 --> 43:27.970]  And someone was, like, burying children in a basement somewhere.
[43:28.170 --> 43:34.670]  And the heading, the headline in, like, giant, like, 600-point type was, like, how many kids?
[43:34.670 --> 43:39.250]  But the way his hand was holding the paper, it looked like the K was a Y.
[43:40.670 --> 43:46.350]  And, and so, so I'm straining and I'm looking and I'm trying to see, is that a Y?
[43:46.570 --> 43:48.230]  Did they really print the Daily News?
[43:48.310 --> 43:48.970]  Did they do that?
[43:49.050 --> 43:53.950]  So, I'm looking at this thing and then finally, he sees me looking and he folds the paper in half.
[43:54.010 --> 43:54.850]  He folds it in half again.
[43:54.910 --> 43:56.910]  He says, if you want to read the paper, why don't you just buy one?
[43:57.090 --> 43:59.510]  He's screaming, and the whole train is here, he's listening to this.
[43:59.610 --> 44:01.910]  So, at that moment, I said, what would Bugs Bunny do?
[44:01.910 --> 44:03.450]  I walked across to him.
[44:04.190 --> 44:07.330]  I actually walked up to him and I said, I wasn't looking at your paper.
[44:07.490 --> 44:09.850]  I was looking at the chemotoma on your neck.
[44:11.670 --> 44:14.890]  And he said, chemo... melanoma?
[44:15.010 --> 44:16.290]  And I said, no, no, no, chemotoma.
[44:16.430 --> 44:18.630]  Only 40% of them metastasize and become malignant.
[44:19.950 --> 44:22.130]  And then he said, who are you?
[44:22.170 --> 44:23.350]  And I'm touching his neck.
[44:23.450 --> 44:24.930]  I'm actually touching a stranger's neck.
[44:25.110 --> 44:27.310]  I'm touching a stranger's neck and I'm looking at it.
[44:27.550 --> 44:28.970]  And he's saying, who are you?
[44:29.050 --> 44:29.970]  And I said, oh, I'm a dermatological...
[44:30.350 --> 44:34.170]  Dermatological... I'm a post-doc at Rockefeller University studying dermatological disorders.
[44:34.410 --> 44:36.890]  Now, if you spit it out like that, he's going to believe you, you know?
[44:37.430 --> 44:39.530]  So, you know, talk about social engineering.
[44:39.730 --> 44:40.650]  So, I mean, I'm social engineering.
[44:40.870 --> 44:43.390]  I hacked this f*cking... this motherf*cker's mind.
[44:43.530 --> 44:44.390]  I went right into his head.
[44:44.590 --> 44:46.190]  I said, that was the LSD, but I didn't say that.
[44:47.850 --> 44:53.110]  So, I'm, like, now touching this man's neck.
[44:53.850 --> 44:56.450]  He's freaking... now, suddenly, all the anger went out.
[44:56.530 --> 44:57.350]  His face is white.
[44:57.350 --> 45:00.890]  And then, Jesse was about to... I said, yeah, definitely stage three.
[45:01.170 --> 45:02.310]  Now, he's rubbing his neck.
[45:03.890 --> 45:04.910]  He's rubbing his neck.
[45:05.090 --> 45:08.850]  And then, as he's about to talk, I said, do you have insurance?
[45:10.650 --> 45:11.990]  And he says, uh, yeah.
[45:12.090 --> 45:14.330]  I said, well, you better get to a dermatologist right away.
[45:14.390 --> 45:16.870]  And with that, the doors opened at 14th Street, and I walked out.
[45:17.070 --> 45:20.510]  And I walked out, and then I just left white boy over there, this three-piece suit.
[45:20.610 --> 45:21.610]  And he's like, oh, my God.
[45:21.710 --> 45:22.450]  And he's rubbing his neck.
[45:22.570 --> 45:25.590]  He probably gave himself some type of a disorder.
[45:25.590 --> 45:26.430]  And so, so.
[45:26.890 --> 45:30.170]  So then, the same day, I'm in the office.
[45:30.330 --> 45:34.490]  I'm talking to the boss, and there's a knock on the door.
[45:37.330 --> 45:44.250]  And I opened the door, and there's a guy who says, how would you like to buy a nice Deer Park spring water cooler for your office?
[45:44.410 --> 45:46.910]  And I said, nah, we're not interested in any dihydrogen oxide.
[45:47.510 --> 45:52.570]  And then, knowing he was going to save this, he said, oh, you won't find any of that in our water.
[45:53.810 --> 45:55.350]  So, I said, that's what I was afraid of.
[45:55.410 --> 45:57.230]  Now, get the f*ck out of here, you asshole.
[45:57.230 --> 46:00.810]  I slung the door, and my boss, like, was banging his head against the door.
[46:01.010 --> 46:03.370]  Like, just, you know, did this extemporaneously.
[46:04.370 --> 46:07.470]  And then I had a number of job titles, also.
[46:08.850 --> 46:10.570]  You know, you fill in the bingo cards.
[46:11.250 --> 46:12.650]  And I couldn't resist.
[46:13.090 --> 46:14.370]  There's a category...
[46:15.210 --> 46:16.890]  There's a category called other.
[46:18.170 --> 46:20.130]  Because I'm not a marketing, I'm not sales, I'm not an engineer.
[46:20.210 --> 46:22.190]  I do manufacturing, I do engineering, I do a lot of things.
[46:22.190 --> 46:24.410]  It's R&D, but I'm not like any one...
[46:24.410 --> 46:25.230]  Other.
[46:25.570 --> 46:26.110]  That was it.
[46:26.250 --> 46:32.150]  So, my first job title, when you put your toe in the water, my first job title was Human Dehumanizer.
[46:40.370 --> 46:41.090]  Is that it?
[46:42.890 --> 46:43.830]  Do I still go?
[46:49.430 --> 46:50.930]  Do I keep going?
[46:52.070 --> 46:54.270]  Oh, well, then I...
[46:54.270 --> 47:01.190]  Another job title was Negro Control Officer.
[47:02.510 --> 47:04.290]  That was, like, over the top.
[47:04.450 --> 47:07.670]  But then, I wrote Lingerie Control Officer, that was enough.
[47:07.910 --> 47:09.410]  They wanted to know what a lingerie...
[47:09.410 --> 47:13.190]  So, someone called up from the magazine, Lingerie Control Officer, what does that mean?
[47:14.030 --> 47:19.110]  So, finally, the woman gets me on the phone from the magazine, and I said...
[47:21.370 --> 47:24.370]  She said, you're a hard guy to get in touch with.
[47:24.450 --> 47:26.170]  I said, well, I am a functional heroin addict.
[47:26.710 --> 47:28.330]  So, right away, she's, like, freaking out.
[47:28.970 --> 47:31.730]  I said, oh, yeah, you cook it up in a spoon, you inject it.
[47:31.870 --> 47:33.750]  It really takes the edge off a day in work, you know.
[47:34.470 --> 47:38.050]  She says, well, what is your job title?
[47:38.710 --> 47:40.030]  So, I said, well, what do you have?
[47:40.170 --> 47:42.610]  Because it could have been any one of, like, five different job titles.
[47:42.770 --> 47:45.030]  So, she said, Lingerie Control Officer.
[47:45.170 --> 47:45.930]  I said, oh, that's correct.
[47:45.930 --> 47:50.630]  She says, well, what does a lingerie control officer do in an engineering company?
[47:51.010 --> 47:52.450]  I said, well, it's really, very simple.
[47:54.170 --> 47:56.790]  I check when all the women come to the office.
[47:56.790 --> 47:58.950]  I make them get undressed and show me what underwear they have.
[47:58.970 --> 48:01.370]  And if it doesn't meet the company standards, I make them get undressed.
[48:01.410 --> 48:04.970]  I make them go home and come back until they meet the company standards.
[48:05.530 --> 48:08.690]  And they thought that I could almost hear her head exploding.
[48:09.710 --> 48:14.030]  She must be thinking they have a junkie checking women's underwear.
[48:22.940 --> 48:23.660]  I make them go home and come back to the office.
[48:23.660 --> 48:24.980]  Steven Martin Cohen.
[48:27.240 --> 48:28.480]  And there's more.
[48:28.700 --> 48:31.920]  That doesn't have a name in our language, what just happened here.
[48:40.100 --> 48:42.020]  Steven Martin Cohen.
[48:42.020 --> 48:42.980]  Steven Martin.
[48:47.930 --> 48:48.510]  Steven Martin.
[48:48.890 --> 48:49.510]  Steven Martin.
[48:49.530 --> 48:50.710]  Steven Martin.
[48:57.790 --> 48:59.390]  Steven Martin.
[48:59.390 --> 49:00.830]  Steven Martin.
[49:01.010 --> 49:01.410]  Steven Martin.
[49:01.410 --> 49:01.470]  Steven Martin.
[49:01.470 --> 49:01.510]  Steven Martin.
[49:01.510 --> 49:01.910]  Steven Martin.
[49:01.970 --> 49:02.770]  Steven Martin.
[49:04.090 --> 49:05.090]  Steven Martin.
[49:05.450 --> 49:06.250]  Steven Martin.
[49:06.410 --> 49:07.150]  Steven Martin.
[49:07.270 --> 49:08.070]  Steven Martin.
[49:12.570 --> 49:14.050]  Steven Martin.
[49:15.050 --> 49:15.930]  Steven Martin.
[49:15.930 --> 49:15.990]  Steven Martin.
[49:15.990 --> 49:17.310]  I was right there.
[49:18.110 --> 49:19.850]  I was sneaking up on him.
[49:20.130 --> 49:22.690]  I knew his vision was based on movement.
[49:24.170 --> 49:26.870]  And you all just said, Brink, we want more.
[49:27.370 --> 49:28.450]  We want more.
[49:28.610 --> 49:30.130]  Switch hands, keep hammering.
[49:30.670 --> 49:31.770]  And it happened.
[49:32.310 --> 49:33.730]  And we let it happen.
[49:36.150 --> 49:41.890]  So, now the judges will convert that to a number.
[49:44.390 --> 49:44.910]  Wow.
[49:46.290 --> 49:51.410]  And they'll hold it up as if the number indicates what just happened.
[49:52.610 --> 49:57.170]  And we will all clap because that's what we think they did.
[49:57.390 --> 49:59.430]  So, will the judges...
[50:00.030 --> 50:01.470]  Oh, I gotta see this one.
[50:01.750 --> 50:02.490]  All right, judges.
[50:03.490 --> 50:04.350]  Bring it up.
[50:04.570 --> 50:04.850]  Three!
[50:20.240 --> 50:23.460]  By the way, my number is upside down because I'm not sure what just happened.
[50:23.460 --> 50:26.540]  So, Rob, are you sure you don't have a typo there?
[50:26.900 --> 50:28.200]  No, I think...
[50:28.200 --> 50:28.320]  You've got it.
[50:28.480 --> 50:29.200]  You've walked it through.
[50:29.980 --> 50:30.600]  I was there.
[50:30.600 --> 50:32.460]  You're gonna let this pack of animals...
[50:32.460 --> 50:33.860]  You're gonna throw that meat?
[50:37.720 --> 50:39.660]  You know, I think I'm...
[50:39.660 --> 50:40.940]  All right, you're holding firm.
[50:41.040 --> 50:42.560]  I think I'm gonna have to stand by this.
[50:42.680 --> 50:46.400]  And I look forward to your ass beating out in the hallway after this.
[50:46.780 --> 50:47.100]  Okay.
[50:47.480 --> 50:48.580]  Can I call for a vote?
[50:48.580 --> 50:50.200]  Only because I've heard that story before.
[50:50.920 --> 50:52.140]  Oh, well wait a second.
[50:52.220 --> 50:52.300]  Okay, okay.
[50:53.080 --> 50:53.420]  All right.
[50:53.560 --> 50:53.980]  Good one, good one.
[50:53.980 --> 50:55.100]  Can we judge the judge?
[50:55.120 --> 50:56.300]  I'd like to judge...
[50:56.300 --> 50:57.420]  judge number three.
[50:58.440 --> 50:58.780]  All right.
[50:58.920 --> 50:59.240]  All right, all right.
[50:59.400 --> 51:03.200]  All right, all right, all right.
[51:03.660 --> 51:04.300]  I can do that.
[51:04.580 --> 51:05.240]  You can do that.
[51:05.380 --> 51:05.980]  There can be a recall.
[51:06.400 --> 51:07.480]  You could vote on judges?
[51:07.920 --> 51:08.240]  Yes.
[51:08.880 --> 51:09.200]  Really?
[51:09.420 --> 51:09.860]  Oh, that's a good name.
[51:09.860 --> 51:10.560]  I'll tell you, yes.
[51:10.780 --> 51:12.460]  When did you turn down me to test it?
[51:14.280 --> 51:15.300]  It's a democracy.
[51:15.520 --> 51:16.700]  Can we judge the audience, too?
[51:16.840 --> 51:17.540]  Hacker name, Mandy.
[51:17.820 --> 51:19.120]  Mandy, are you in the audience?
[51:19.260 --> 51:19.460]  Mandy?
[51:20.420 --> 51:20.640]  Mandy.
[51:21.380 --> 51:21.980]  Oh, man.
[51:22.700 --> 51:24.420]  Ladies and gentlemen, Mandy is dead.
[51:25.080 --> 51:25.880]  Oh, is Mandy here?
[51:26.020 --> 51:26.180]  Mandy?
[51:26.740 --> 51:27.580]  Oh, hello, Mandy!
[51:28.300 --> 51:29.140]  Hi, Mandy!
[51:34.640 --> 51:35.880]  Come straight from the airport?
[51:36.100 --> 51:37.200]  Tell us about your resume.
[51:37.200 --> 51:45.300]  So, Mandy has put down juggling, maybe not so good.
[51:45.900 --> 51:47.360]  Which I think is nice.
[51:47.560 --> 51:49.540]  I mean, it's nice to put that on the tin, but I think we...
[51:49.540 --> 51:50.240]  Yeah, I figured it was an unscripted...
[51:50.980 --> 51:52.360]  Okay, yeah, it's true, it's true, it's true, it's true.
[51:52.540 --> 51:54.740]  Is this the juggling axes thing we're talking about?
[51:55.200 --> 51:55.500]  Ooh!
[51:56.480 --> 51:57.040]  We'll see what we can do.
[51:57.040 --> 51:58.980]  Is it going to be juggling axes, or just balls?
[51:59.400 --> 52:00.520]  Actually, I like pretty lights.
[52:00.560 --> 52:00.580]  Is it juggling?
[52:00.960 --> 52:01.180]  Okay.
[52:02.860 --> 52:03.560]  Do the lights...
[52:03.560 --> 52:04.360]  Wait, do they blink?
[52:04.400 --> 52:04.760]  Lights!
[52:04.840 --> 52:05.420]  Lights down!
[52:05.600 --> 52:06.240]  Someone hit the lights!
[52:07.780 --> 52:09.140]  Can you make them blink, too?
[52:09.620 --> 52:11.100]  Our blue-haired Mercury is...
[52:11.100 --> 52:11.260]  Okay!
[52:11.520 --> 52:11.600]  Oh!
[52:12.560 --> 52:13.260]  Alright, alright.
[52:13.260 --> 52:16.400]  I have a request for blinking, so you gotta give me a moment.
[52:16.520 --> 52:17.100]  Hold on a second.
[52:17.420 --> 52:18.920]  I'm glad the last one wasn't like this.
[52:18.940 --> 52:20.780]  I gotta change my props now in order to...
[52:21.520 --> 52:22.120]  Oh, yay!
[52:22.300 --> 52:22.900]  Blinky lights!
[52:23.220 --> 52:23.780]  Oh, excellent.
[52:24.040 --> 52:24.580]  Oh, I don't know.
[52:24.680 --> 52:26.660]  I think you should have held that up for the...
[52:26.660 --> 52:26.900]  Okay.
[52:27.120 --> 52:27.300]  Alright.
[52:28.800 --> 52:30.180]  Let's hear it for balls, please.
[52:34.610 --> 52:36.950]  If this is your first time at Burning Man...
[52:45.280 --> 52:46.240]  Alright, alright, alright.
[53:04.500 --> 53:05.020]  Yeah!
[53:06.420 --> 53:06.940]  Yes!
[53:11.450 --> 53:11.970]  Oh!
[53:12.510 --> 53:13.030]  Lights...
[53:13.030 --> 53:14.250]  Lights back on!
[53:15.310 --> 53:15.490]  No!
[53:16.110 --> 53:16.570]  Oh, there's more!
[53:16.570 --> 53:16.690]  Lights off again!
[53:16.810 --> 53:17.310]  Lights off again!
[53:17.370 --> 53:17.930]  Oh my god!
[53:18.410 --> 53:19.790]  You're not implying!
[53:20.130 --> 53:20.830]  You are!
[53:20.830 --> 53:20.990]  You are!
[53:22.710 --> 53:23.230]  Oh!
[53:23.470 --> 53:23.830]  Oh, there we go.
[53:38.960 --> 53:40.000]  No scrum!
[53:42.660 --> 53:43.180]  Um...
[53:43.180 --> 53:43.880]  Woohoo!
[53:52.440 --> 53:52.960]  Wow!
[53:53.560 --> 53:53.800]  Alright.
[53:55.880 --> 53:58.380]  I thought we'd keep it all the way around.
[53:59.880 --> 54:00.400]  Okay.
[54:01.040 --> 54:01.600]  Lights back up.
[54:01.740 --> 54:02.020]  Thank you.
[54:05.720 --> 54:07.160]  Does anybody have drugs?
[54:10.260 --> 54:11.200]  Is that a talent?
[54:11.320 --> 54:11.620]  So...
[54:11.620 --> 54:14.580]  Once again, that is Mandy...
[54:14.580 --> 54:14.820]  Yay!
[54:15.000 --> 54:16.620]  With Juggling...
[54:22.970 --> 54:24.770]  Thank you so much for that, Mandy.
[54:25.490 --> 54:26.990]  It was a real palate cleanser.
[54:29.790 --> 54:30.450]  Thank you.
[54:32.390 --> 54:36.990]  I'm gonna wake up tomorrow morning with stories in my head going, I don't know whose stories these are.
[54:37.710 --> 54:38.590]  Oh my god.
[54:38.790 --> 54:39.450]  Thank you again, Mandy.
[54:39.450 --> 54:41.570]  So, um, our final contestant...
[54:42.050 --> 54:42.270]  Oh, wait, wait.
[54:42.310 --> 54:43.270]  Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
[54:43.310 --> 54:43.890]  Forgot to vote.
[54:43.930 --> 54:44.070]  Sorry, sorry.
[54:44.150 --> 54:44.970]  No, beta, beta, beta.
[54:47.170 --> 54:48.790]  Judges, have you prepared your numbers?
[54:49.170 --> 54:49.470]  Yes.
[54:49.470 --> 54:49.650]  Yes.
[54:50.230 --> 54:51.030]  Here we go.
[54:51.590 --> 54:51.950]  Three!
[54:52.650 --> 54:52.950]  Two!
[55:03.330 --> 55:05.150]  I thought it was very similar to the one before.
[55:06.310 --> 55:06.670]  Okay.
[55:08.110 --> 55:09.850]  Don't be such a snick in her mind.
[55:09.970 --> 55:11.230]  All I know is there are blinky lights.
[55:11.430 --> 55:13.010]  Yeah, she gets the Firefly bonus from me.
[55:13.330 --> 55:13.690]  That's...
[55:14.530 --> 55:16.670]  Turns out the judges like shiny lights.
[55:18.110 --> 55:19.030]  Soft rugs.
[55:19.330 --> 55:19.710]  Mm-hmm.
[55:20.690 --> 55:21.610]  Sunlight spots.
[55:22.410 --> 55:22.750]  All right.
[55:23.030 --> 55:27.210]  So, we're gonna go to our sixth and final contestant of the night.
[55:27.730 --> 55:28.050]  Aww.
[55:28.470 --> 55:28.750]  Aww.
[55:29.050 --> 55:29.950]  But no, don't say aww.
[55:30.050 --> 55:30.790]  I think they're very good.
[55:31.070 --> 55:34.550]  And their name is Comet Crowbar.
[55:35.510 --> 55:36.650]  Comet Crowbar, where are you?
[55:36.650 --> 55:37.350]  There you are!
[55:44.550 --> 55:50.670]  Now, Comet, you've put down a title that would make me pick it up from the magazine rack.
[55:50.810 --> 55:51.330]  Great, you should.
[55:51.330 --> 55:53.190]  And it's called reading from...
[55:53.190 --> 55:55.010]  And let me make sure I'm reading this correctly.
[55:55.830 --> 55:58.970]  Crypto Cunt and the Ecosexuals is the name?
[55:59.330 --> 56:04.270]  The subtitle, The Very Queer Story of the NSA Headquarters in Berlin.
[56:04.570 --> 56:05.710]  Now, is this a golden book?
[56:05.910 --> 56:06.930]  Or is this a...
[56:06.930 --> 56:07.750]  It's a...
[56:07.750 --> 56:08.090]  Aww.
[56:08.590 --> 56:08.870]  Okay.
[56:09.690 --> 56:10.590]  Can I...
[56:11.330 --> 56:12.270]  Is this all right?
[56:12.270 --> 56:13.030]  Um...
[56:13.030 --> 56:14.530]  Yeah, so I wrote this book.
[56:14.730 --> 56:15.430]  It's a fiction book.
[56:16.910 --> 56:17.350]  Um...
[56:17.350 --> 56:18.410]  I'm a bit tall.
[56:18.550 --> 56:20.010]  I wanna make sure that's, like, up here.
[56:20.230 --> 56:21.170]  Yeah, I wrote this book.
[56:21.790 --> 56:22.230]  Um...
[56:22.230 --> 56:22.550]  Great!
[56:23.030 --> 56:23.470]  Hi!
[56:23.750 --> 56:23.970]  Hello.
[56:25.030 --> 56:26.550]  Can you hear me?
[56:26.690 --> 56:27.130]  Okay.
[56:27.790 --> 56:28.230]  So...
[56:28.230 --> 56:30.950]  Yeah, I talked about this a bit in my talk earlier.
[56:31.630 --> 56:32.070]  Um...
[56:32.070 --> 56:32.310]  Yeah?
[56:32.310 --> 56:32.590]  Good.
[56:32.890 --> 56:35.450]  So, it's about, in a nutshell, this, like...
[56:36.770 --> 56:37.250]  Um...
[56:37.250 --> 56:38.450]  So, I'm gonna read a chapter.
[56:38.670 --> 56:41.430]  It's gonna be approximately seven minutes.
[56:42.110 --> 56:44.630]  It won't be under 45 seconds.
[56:44.970 --> 56:46.310]  It won't be...
[56:47.150 --> 56:47.610]  Upside down.
[56:47.610 --> 56:48.050]  Upside down.
[56:48.390 --> 56:49.130]  I thought...
[56:49.130 --> 56:50.790]  It won't be...
[56:50.790 --> 56:52.530]  Anything you've seen so far.
[56:52.750 --> 56:53.770]  It will be some stuff.
[56:54.030 --> 56:54.690]  So, okay.
[56:54.810 --> 56:55.410]  General plot.
[56:55.550 --> 56:57.370]  Cause it's, like, I'm gonna read from a piece in the middle.
[56:57.810 --> 56:58.150]  Um...
[56:58.150 --> 56:58.830]  It's about...
[56:58.830 --> 56:59.830]  Okay, there's, like, this...
[56:59.830 --> 57:07.090]  This, um, eco-terrorist cult of, like, bicycle-riding anarchist hackers versus the NSA.
[57:07.130 --> 57:11.230]  Like, these two people who work in the headquarters, um, in the NSA.
[57:11.430 --> 57:12.830]  It's all fiction, but, like, is it fiction?
[57:13.110 --> 57:14.790]  And they are, like, um...
[57:14.790 --> 57:18.970]  They are, like, trying to hunt down this, like, eco-sexual cult-y origin...
[57:18.970 --> 57:20.670]  Like, they don't know what the f*ck is up.
[57:20.810 --> 57:21.490]  So, this is...
[57:21.490 --> 57:22.350]  This, um...
[57:22.350 --> 57:24.110]  And one of the main characters is called The Officer.
[57:25.210 --> 57:25.590]  Um...
[57:25.590 --> 57:26.670]  Oh, um...
[57:26.670 --> 57:28.390]  He is, like, this campy guy.
[57:29.530 --> 57:29.970]  Um...
[57:29.970 --> 57:30.910]  Who works in the NSA.
[57:31.510 --> 57:33.710]  And, okay, so here's a picture of the...
[57:33.710 --> 57:35.230]  The Ausländerbehörder.
[57:35.370 --> 57:38.390]  I lived in Berlin and, like, had to apply for visas for five f*cking years.
[57:38.570 --> 57:41.610]  Like, you could see how I feel about the foreign office building.
[57:42.090 --> 57:42.470]  Um...
[57:42.470 --> 57:43.390]  And, so...
[57:43.390 --> 57:45.930]  So, it got bombed by the eco-sexuals.
[57:46.070 --> 57:47.270]  And then, this is a few...
[57:47.270 --> 57:49.390]  The chapter now is a few months later.
[57:50.050 --> 57:50.590]  Um...
[57:50.590 --> 57:52.390]  It's called Auslander Bescheiser.
[57:52.810 --> 57:53.110]  Um...
[57:53.110 --> 57:53.570]  Oh, Jesus.
[57:55.190 --> 57:55.730]  Um...
[57:55.730 --> 57:56.290]  Chapter 7.
[57:56.870 --> 57:57.070]  Okay.
[57:59.750 --> 58:00.290]  Um...
[58:00.290 --> 58:00.630]  No.
[58:01.070 --> 58:02.350]  Ecosexual is not on Tinder.
[58:02.450 --> 58:03.010]  It's a book!
[58:03.170 --> 58:03.790]  You can read it!
[58:03.890 --> 58:06.050]  It's not an app or a person.
[58:06.410 --> 58:06.810]  Okay.
[58:07.570 --> 58:08.250]  All right.
[58:09.370 --> 58:09.640]  So...
[58:10.270 --> 58:12.270]  And it is about hacking, by the way.
[58:12.930 --> 58:13.330]  So...
[58:13.330 --> 58:14.650]  Despite being the...
[58:15.130 --> 58:17.830]  Despite being a lead officer in a prestigious U.S.
[58:17.950 --> 58:23.070]  agency, the officer is still an Auslander and must renew his visa like any other Auslander.
[58:23.650 --> 58:25.070]  Granted, his application...
[58:25.070 --> 58:26.710]  I request silence, thank you.
[58:27.510 --> 58:28.450]  Shut the f*ck up.
[58:29.170 --> 58:29.730]  All right.
[58:30.790 --> 58:33.110]  Also, let's get a woman up here next time.
[58:33.310 --> 58:34.050]  Yeah, I said it.
[58:34.210 --> 58:34.430]  All right.
[58:34.990 --> 58:35.290]  Okay.
[58:35.290 --> 58:35.590]  Wait a minute.
[58:35.670 --> 58:36.430]  I have a different opinion.
[58:36.590 --> 58:36.890]  Wait, wait.
[58:37.050 --> 58:39.110]  F*ck hecklers who can't get the balls to come up in front of an audience.
[58:39.110 --> 58:40.930]  I'm trying to, like, read from my book here.
[58:40.930 --> 58:41.450]  That's right.
[58:41.610 --> 58:41.630]  Okay.
[58:41.730 --> 58:42.790]  It's kind of f*cking...
[58:42.790 --> 58:46.110]  And have to make it all about themselves.
[58:46.750 --> 58:47.230]  Okay.
[58:47.230 --> 58:48.730]  Their special party show.
[58:49.250 --> 58:50.490]  You could have filled it out.
[58:50.630 --> 58:51.370]  You didn't do it.
[58:51.450 --> 58:52.130]  You took the wrong...
[58:52.130 --> 58:52.150]  Okay.
[58:52.150 --> 58:58.550]  Granted, his application is basically a pre-approved breeze, stamped and signed by the Bundesnachrichten deans themselves.
[58:58.570 --> 59:02.550]  But the process of physically trudging down to the Auslanderbehörder is still the same.
[59:03.130 --> 59:08.970]  By now, a few months since the terrorist attack, from the picture earlier, most of the building has been repaired.
[59:08.970 --> 59:19.350]  His designated space to report to, section Z6, room C63 on the second floor, is for United States citizens whose last name is in the latter half of the alphabet.
[59:19.550 --> 59:23.270]  His waiting number is 212 for an appointment scheduled at 9am.
[59:23.850 --> 59:26.070]  I can't believe I have to wait in line for this bullshit.
[59:26.270 --> 59:27.030]  I'm an officer!
[59:27.470 --> 59:27.590]  Ugh!
[59:28.350 --> 59:33.550]  He stares out the window at the ridiculous Easter egg colored apartment complex across the river.
[59:34.210 --> 59:35.050]  It exists.
[59:35.410 --> 59:35.790]  Yes, it does.
[59:35.790 --> 59:36.110]  In Berlin.
[59:36.110 --> 59:43.670]  The irony of such a building is almost laughable, considering the clouds of depression and bureaucratic nightmares that go on in this building he's in.
[59:43.870 --> 59:52.130]  He assumes it was painted brightly to cheer up those who are destined for rejection, who only sit and look out the window, hopefully, as they wait to be called.
[59:52.130 --> 59:55.910]  The triple-digit numbers are displayed in two columns.
[59:56.890 --> 01:00:00.270]  Like when you're waiting in an office and there's the numbers.
[01:00:01.210 --> 01:00:08.150]  Though his job is deciphering patterns and code, he cannot fathom what algorithm is used for the display of such numbers.
[01:00:08.710 --> 01:00:09.290]  No consistency.
[01:00:10.130 --> 01:00:12.450]  Bells dinging that sickly three-ding.
[01:00:12.450 --> 01:00:14.230]  Doo, doo, doo.
[01:00:15.890 --> 01:00:16.670]  Next up.
[01:00:17.030 --> 01:00:17.630]  Next up.
[01:00:18.230 --> 01:00:20.730]  For no reason and flashing at total random.
[01:00:21.010 --> 01:00:23.410]  He looks out the other window, yawns loudly.
[01:00:24.110 --> 01:00:24.510]  Ooh!
[01:00:25.350 --> 01:00:27.030]  And looks back at the number display.
[01:00:27.330 --> 01:00:30.310]  His eyes bulge and he almost chokes in shock.
[01:00:30.610 --> 01:00:33.490]  The red digits have been hacked into stick figures.
[01:00:33.870 --> 01:00:35.350]  He looks around incredulously.
[01:00:35.610 --> 01:00:36.270]  What the f*ck?
[01:00:36.430 --> 01:00:36.810]  What the f*ck?
[01:00:36.950 --> 01:00:38.790]  The red lights have...
[01:00:38.790 --> 01:00:39.510]  No.
[01:00:39.710 --> 01:00:40.270]  He looks around.
[01:00:40.410 --> 01:00:41.750]  Is anyone else aware of this?
[01:00:41.750 --> 01:00:48.130]  Most applicants are nervously flipping through their papers or on their phone.
[01:00:48.730 --> 01:00:51.910]  He looks back at the stick people and they're...
[01:00:51.910 --> 01:00:53.150]  They're f*cking...
[01:00:53.150 --> 01:00:53.670]  Oh my God!
[01:00:53.770 --> 01:00:54.490]  How is this happening?
[01:00:55.010 --> 01:01:00.550]  Somehow, someone, somewhere, had just at that very moment hacked into the red LED display.
[01:01:00.830 --> 01:01:05.870]  A simple animation of red stick figures having stick people sex was dancing all about the screens.
[01:01:06.130 --> 01:01:09.070]  Each triple-digit number had its own sexual position.
[01:01:09.350 --> 01:01:10.530]  There were twelve in total.
[01:01:11.110 --> 01:01:12.970]  Here's my picture, if you can see it.
[01:01:13.650 --> 01:01:15.030]  I looked at this so many times.
[01:01:17.090 --> 01:01:17.450]  Um...
[01:01:17.450 --> 01:01:18.630]  Also, um...
[01:01:18.630 --> 01:01:19.470]  Yeah, so this is...
[01:01:19.470 --> 01:01:19.870]  Side note.
[01:01:19.970 --> 01:01:25.670]  This was meant as, like, entertainment for the times where, like, f*cking waiting in office or in prison or, like, you just hate the world.
[01:01:25.850 --> 01:01:25.930]  Wait, what?
[01:01:25.970 --> 01:01:26.610]  Everything sucks.
[01:01:26.790 --> 01:01:27.910]  This is, like, fun entertainment.
[01:01:27.910 --> 01:01:28.190]  Alright.
[01:01:28.590 --> 01:01:29.130]  So...
[01:01:29.130 --> 01:01:30.910]  He looks around and starts to panic.
[01:01:31.170 --> 01:01:32.030]  What is going on?
[01:01:32.150 --> 01:01:33.130]  Why does no one see this?
[01:01:34.810 --> 01:01:38.750]  At least one other applicant had discovered the stick people orgy.
[01:01:38.970 --> 01:01:41.230]  Looking around, bewildered and confused.
[01:01:43.990 --> 01:01:44.470]  Um...
[01:01:44.470 --> 01:01:47.650]  She nudges her friend and they snort out loud in hysterical giggle.
[01:01:48.550 --> 01:01:49.030]  Um...
[01:01:49.030 --> 01:01:55.370]  As his eyes dart around the room looking for answers, the officer notices the water stains in the corner of the room on the floor.
[01:01:55.370 --> 01:01:58.090]  Clearly, there were plants here at one point in time.
[01:01:58.310 --> 01:01:59.130]  The office...
[01:01:59.130 --> 01:01:59.930]  Officer...
[01:01:59.930 --> 01:02:04.230]  Office plants, probably, um, that no one feels obligated to take care of.
[01:02:04.410 --> 01:02:05.350]  He knows...
[01:02:05.350 --> 01:02:06.930]  He knows how that goes.
[01:02:07.190 --> 01:02:11.870]  The plants in his own office were bought at Ikea and are most likely fake, anyway.
[01:02:12.110 --> 01:02:14.490]  Because how do they stay green even though no one waters them?
[01:02:14.650 --> 01:02:16.070]  The green one was special.
[01:02:16.510 --> 01:02:17.550]  Not, um...
[01:02:18.150 --> 01:02:22.850]  Because most of the plants in the headquarters were shriveled remnants of previously living beings.
[01:02:22.850 --> 01:02:26.010]  He ponders when the last time someone ever bothered to water them.
[01:02:27.010 --> 01:02:27.450]  Um...
[01:02:27.450 --> 01:02:30.970]  Side note, the plants were liberated by the plant liberation front.
[01:02:31.530 --> 01:02:32.690]  The anarchists...
[01:02:32.690 --> 01:02:35.210]  Like, with the bombing earlier.
[01:02:35.650 --> 01:02:36.090]  Um...
[01:02:36.090 --> 01:02:36.750]  So he's like...
[01:02:36.750 --> 01:02:40.330]  He read that article a few months ago and now he's like conscious of like, Oh, there was...
[01:02:40.330 --> 01:02:42.770]  There's like this shitty stain on the ground from the plant.
[01:02:43.370 --> 01:02:43.810]  So...
[01:02:43.810 --> 01:02:44.890]  Little information.
[01:02:45.530 --> 01:02:45.910]  Um...
[01:02:45.910 --> 01:02:47.130]  So, curiously, he...
[01:02:47.630 --> 01:02:48.070]  Oh...
[01:02:48.070 --> 01:02:48.750]  The next line.
[01:02:49.130 --> 01:02:51.990]  Curiously, he recalls the Der Spiegel article from a while back.
[01:02:51.990 --> 01:02:53.770]  Claiming that the plants had been taken.
[01:02:54.190 --> 01:02:56.490]  Could those freaks be connected to this hack right now?
[01:02:57.190 --> 01:02:57.390]  Yes.
[01:02:58.790 --> 01:03:03.950]  To distract himself from such public absurdity as the stick people pouring blaring above his head.
[01:03:04.090 --> 01:03:05.450]  He coughs loudly.
[01:03:05.930 --> 01:03:06.350]  Ahem.
[01:03:06.650 --> 01:03:06.990]  Ahem.
[01:03:08.050 --> 01:03:09.170]  And, um...
[01:03:09.170 --> 01:03:12.430]  Steps over to the corner where the water stains are on the floor.
[01:03:12.670 --> 01:03:16.390]  He metaphorically sniffs around on the floor where the plants used to live in.
[01:03:16.390 --> 01:03:19.290]  Or die in, it seems, as the article had stated.
[01:03:19.850 --> 01:03:24.150]  He didn't actually sniff with his nose because of stress-related allergies that morning.
[01:03:24.570 --> 01:03:25.530]  There were more...
[01:03:25.530 --> 01:03:29.610]  There were some more crunches of dirt and a single dried leaf caught in a small spider web.
[01:03:30.050 --> 01:03:32.490]  Not much new and exciting evidence was discovered.
[01:03:32.650 --> 01:03:40.850]  Though it should be noted that during his inconspicuous sniff of the room, he did come across a tiny folded publication left on a chair by the window.
[01:03:41.030 --> 01:03:48.810]  It was constructed of one sheet of A4 and folded into eight rectangles, like a tiny magazine written by hand and photocopied.
[01:03:49.430 --> 01:04:03.130]  The title, The Day I Sassed Back at the Auslanderbehörde, was an inspiring mini-zine, as it had self-identified on the introduction, page one, on how one applicant sassed back during her meeting for a residence permit.
[01:04:03.330 --> 01:04:16.090]  After being repeatedly suggested to leave the country for a lack of a legitimate government-approved job, she stood up and proclaimed to her interviewer, why don't they hire her as an artist to paint the boring, ugly-ass walls and give her an artist's visa while they're at it?
[01:04:16.690 --> 01:04:20.930]  She slapped the walls to emphasize their bleakness and slammed shut the door to the office.
[01:04:21.470 --> 01:04:27.310]  She didn't get the visa, but felt damn good walking down the hall, able to sass back enough off Deutsch.
[01:04:27.550 --> 01:04:30.170]  The officer is confused upon completion of the zine.
[01:04:30.390 --> 01:04:31.390]  Who is this person?
[01:04:31.630 --> 01:04:32.890]  They sound like a troublemaker.
[01:04:33.350 --> 01:04:35.290]  But the zine was published anonymously.
[01:04:35.490 --> 01:04:42.750]  There was no way he could hunt down the maker, for there was no digital footprint embedded into the analog sheet of single-tree paper.
[01:04:42.750 --> 01:04:47.370]  Real fingerprints, perhaps, but that old-school tech was another department at the agency.
[01:04:47.870 --> 01:04:50.730]  Handwriting analysis, perhaps, but not much else.
[01:04:51.210 --> 01:04:51.390]  Wait.
[01:04:55.090 --> 01:04:55.810]  We good?
[01:04:55.930 --> 01:04:56.290]  We good?
[01:04:57.270 --> 01:05:07.450]  He smiled at the little thing and put it in his pocket, successfully de-circulating the only zine known to exist in the temporary installation of the Auslander Behörde zine library, which had only one zine.
[01:05:07.450 --> 01:05:09.270]  The library is now closed.
[01:05:09.490 --> 01:05:17.050]  The officer didn't see the tiny sign next to the zine, explaining what the Auslander Behörde zine library is, and how to please respect the library collection.
[01:05:18.870 --> 01:05:19.350]  Respect.
[01:05:19.890 --> 01:05:26.170]  When he looked up at the number display, after reading the zine, 212 was on the screen.
[01:05:26.570 --> 01:05:28.110]  Oh, how long could it have been there?
[01:05:28.250 --> 01:05:30.670]  It wasn't flashing, so maybe it was there already.
[01:05:31.230 --> 01:05:32.610]  Now they'll think I'm late.
[01:05:32.730 --> 01:05:34.510]  And what happened to the stick people orgy?
[01:05:34.510 --> 01:05:35.250]  It was right there.
[01:05:36.130 --> 01:05:40.550]  The figures were gone, without a trace, as if nothing had happened at all.
[01:05:40.730 --> 01:05:49.870]  He would have thought it was a daydream, but that wouldn't explain the equally confused and absurd faces of the other three individuals in the room, their mouths still wide open and displeased.
[01:05:54.180 --> 01:05:55.200]  The ones...
[01:05:56.760 --> 01:05:58.900]  The ones in the...
[01:05:58.900 --> 01:06:04.000]  The ones in the waiting room, who didn't notice it, had their own papers and problems to be confused about.
[01:06:04.000 --> 01:06:14.240]  The officer stands up to walk to room 212 and decides before entering that explaining the hack that just happened would probably not be the best introduction to such a legal and bureaucratic meeting.
[01:06:15.340 --> 01:06:15.820]  Later.
[01:06:16.240 --> 01:06:20.600]  30 minutes later, he is walking out of the building with a stamped piece of shiny paper in his passport.
[01:06:20.860 --> 01:06:28.260]  With all the insider connections to the National Security Agency, since he was the officer there, of course, he could easily have hacked it himself.
[01:06:28.260 --> 01:06:38.420]  He noticed in the office with the Ausländerbehörde lady just how simple their systems of distribution are.
[01:06:39.140 --> 01:06:55.840]  Judging by their analog system of beat-up rubber stamps and how he once met a criminal punk at a police station who had dumpstered the Bundesdruckerei, the state printer where they print all the visas, and he found the same kind of holographic paper used on visas in the dumpster.
[01:06:56.340 --> 01:07:02.760]  So anything of the physical world was much easier to create than, say, replicating a digital PGP signature.
[01:07:02.940 --> 01:07:07.600]  But he thought he would give Germany a break and let them officially acknowledge him through the front door.
[01:07:08.180 --> 01:07:11.880]  At the Wedding-Uban platform, police were swarming.
[01:07:13.440 --> 01:07:21.160]  He nodded at them in a kind of sickly way, acknowledging themselves as equals on some level, though he felt really uneasy by it.
[01:07:21.400 --> 01:07:28.020]  They were doing the worst kind of filth, pulling aside only people of color assumed to be refugees on their way back to a visa meeting.
[01:07:28.180 --> 01:07:30.440]  On their way to a visa meeting.
[01:07:30.640 --> 01:07:40.560]  If one was caught without a valid and paid for U-Bahn ticket, their ID was searched, which would then reveal their potentially not yet legal status because they were going to get a visa literally at that moment.
[01:07:40.980 --> 01:07:42.320]  That happens, by the way.
[01:07:42.940 --> 01:07:43.940]  Happens every day.
[01:07:44.220 --> 01:07:48.780]  The officer has seen a lot of sketchy stuff happen in the underbellies of the NSA.
[01:07:49.060 --> 01:07:53.480]  But having been a visa applicant himself, he found this police tactic particularly disgusting.
[01:07:53.720 --> 01:07:59.600]  He bought four extra tickets and left them in the collection pocket of the machine for anyone who might discover them and need them.
[01:08:00.640 --> 01:08:01.200]  Charity.
[01:08:01.700 --> 01:08:02.020]  Hmm.
[01:08:03.180 --> 01:08:06.080]  He boarded the train without a word to the police officers.
[01:08:06.080 --> 01:08:14.240]  The train pulled out of the station and headed south on the U-Zex towards Platz der Luftbrücke, where he would walk to the Tempelhofer headquarters.
[01:08:14.640 --> 01:08:20.520]  The officer again stares out the window at the dark tunnel walls going by and by.
[01:08:21.720 --> 01:08:30.080]  And he recalls the quote by someone famous, an old indigenous woman perhaps, who he read while he was tasking the Earth First Journal magazine.
[01:08:30.680 --> 01:08:34.740]  Something, it said like, If you have come to help me, please go home.
[01:08:34.900 --> 01:08:39.900]  If you have come because you see your liberation wrapped up in mine, then let us work together.
[01:08:40.580 --> 01:08:41.880]  He thought of the word.
[01:08:42.860 --> 01:08:43.260]  Liberation.
[01:08:43.740 --> 01:08:43.920]  Hmm.
[01:08:44.880 --> 01:08:46.380]  Perhaps there was something to be learned.
[01:08:46.820 --> 01:08:47.100]  Thank you.
[01:08:51.910 --> 01:08:52.990]  Okay, come back, come back, come back.
[01:08:53.430 --> 01:08:53.830]  Fantastic!
[01:08:53.830 --> 01:08:59.830]  That was once again Comet Crowbar, reading from CryptoCunt and the Ecosexuals.
[01:09:04.150 --> 01:09:06.030]  So I'm going to say once again, this was a beta.
[01:09:08.230 --> 01:09:09.150]  Working out the bugs.
[01:09:09.510 --> 01:09:10.110]  Working out the thing.
[01:09:10.410 --> 01:09:25.690]  But I hope that everyone understands that we just watched six brave people walk into the abyss of a room full of eyes and speak, sing, Rubik's Cube solve, juggle.
[01:09:26.050 --> 01:09:28.170]  And I don't know what the other part was.
[01:09:28.330 --> 01:09:28.990]  For you all.
[01:09:29.630 --> 01:09:30.750]  Straight out of coffee.
[01:09:31.170 --> 01:09:33.830]  Straight out of coffee, yeah.
[01:09:34.110 --> 01:09:34.410]  What?
[01:09:34.610 --> 01:09:35.410]  We didn't vote yet.
[01:09:35.730 --> 01:09:36.630]  Who wants to sing?
[01:09:36.790 --> 01:09:37.170]  We need to vote.
[01:09:38.270 --> 01:09:38.770]  Voting.
[01:09:39.130 --> 01:09:39.410]  Voting.
[01:09:39.610 --> 01:09:39.790]  Voting.
[01:09:39.830 --> 01:09:40.730]  Voting comes next.
[01:09:41.990 --> 01:09:42.550]  Voting.
[01:09:42.930 --> 01:09:43.050]  Voting.
[01:09:43.590 --> 01:09:48.770]  So judges, three, two, one.
[01:09:57.250 --> 01:09:58.790]  Can I add one comment?
[01:09:59.690 --> 01:10:04.370]  Because I live in Berlin, and I've spent many hours in the Auslanderbehord, and that story was amazing.
[01:10:04.650 --> 01:10:05.790]  What the f*ck is this?
[01:10:05.950 --> 01:10:06.650]  What the f*ck?
[01:10:06.810 --> 01:10:07.330]  What's this?
[01:10:07.510 --> 01:10:08.470]  Is this a late entry?
[01:10:09.730 --> 01:10:10.150]  Uh...
[01:10:13.410 --> 01:10:14.990]  Is this Donald Trump's assistant?
[01:10:16.430 --> 01:10:17.210]  Back for revenge.
[01:10:17.350 --> 01:10:18.490]  Stop saying Donald Trump!
[01:10:19.250 --> 01:10:20.050]  Vice President!
[01:10:20.530 --> 01:10:20.730]  Uh...
[01:10:22.050 --> 01:10:22.450]  I...
[01:10:22.450 --> 01:10:22.650]  I...
[01:10:23.010 --> 01:10:23.270]  I...
[01:10:23.270 --> 01:10:24.330]  I call this, uh...
[01:10:24.330 --> 01:10:25.650]  Cory Doctorow After Dark.
[01:10:25.890 --> 01:10:26.330]  That's mine.
[01:10:28.350 --> 01:10:29.810]  It's gonna save us a lot of time.
[01:10:30.110 --> 01:10:30.550]  Yeah, I know.
[01:10:30.690 --> 01:10:31.590]  But anyway...
[01:10:34.670 --> 01:10:37.230]  Well, Starshine, thank you for your guest appearance.
[01:10:37.490 --> 01:10:37.890]  Starshine?
[01:10:38.050 --> 01:10:38.410]  I think...
[01:10:38.410 --> 01:10:41.770]  I think we need you to come up here and do a little dance while the judges discuss...
[01:10:41.770 --> 01:10:43.230]  Are, uh...
[01:10:43.230 --> 01:10:43.450]  Huh?
[01:10:43.630 --> 01:10:44.510]  Have you got some music?
[01:10:44.510 --> 01:10:47.250]  Well, I think these people are fully capable of making music.
[01:10:47.490 --> 01:10:48.030]  Yeah.
[01:10:48.250 --> 01:10:48.750]  Give us a clap.
[01:10:49.970 --> 01:10:51.050]  Once I was afraid.
[01:10:51.050 --> 01:10:52.830]  I was petrified.
[01:10:53.550 --> 01:10:54.630]  The violence...
[01:10:54.630 --> 01:10:56.770]  Stephen went by my side.
[01:10:57.010 --> 01:10:59.270]  I should've changed that goddamn lock.
[01:10:59.270 --> 01:11:01.110]  I should've thrown away the key.
[01:11:01.390 --> 01:11:05.190]  If I'd think of just one second, you'd be back to bother me.
[01:11:05.430 --> 01:11:06.650]  But now I...
[01:11:07.270 --> 01:11:08.430]  I will survive.
[01:11:09.110 --> 01:11:11.850]  No matter how I will it down to live.
[01:11:11.910 --> 01:11:13.210]  I forgot the words again.
[01:11:13.210 --> 01:11:15.490]  I got all my love to give.
[01:11:15.690 --> 01:11:17.550]  I got all my life to live.
[01:11:17.750 --> 01:11:18.350]  And I...
[01:11:19.330 --> 01:11:20.730]  I will survive.
[01:11:21.570 --> 01:11:22.450]  Hey, hey.
[01:11:22.950 --> 01:11:24.410]  Okay, so band...
[01:11:27.670 --> 01:11:28.850]  That's on my resume.
[01:11:29.150 --> 01:11:29.850]  Come get some stickers.
[01:11:30.590 --> 01:11:31.930]  There's a lot going on here.
[01:11:32.090 --> 01:11:32.810]  I'm having a...
[01:11:32.810 --> 01:11:36.510]  I'm having what would just be called a spectrum of emotions right now.
[01:11:36.610 --> 01:11:37.430]  I think they had blinky-lit overload.
[01:11:38.030 --> 01:11:38.930]  So what do we do?
[01:11:39.090 --> 01:11:41.770]  Do we bring up the matrix of numbers?
[01:11:41.830 --> 01:11:42.750]  I think we just add.
[01:11:42.750 --> 01:11:43.810]  Do we add?
[01:11:43.870 --> 01:11:43.890]  Do we add?
[01:11:44.090 --> 01:11:45.330]  Well, Kyle's gotta add.
[01:11:45.490 --> 01:11:45.670]  F*cked!
[01:11:48.250 --> 01:11:49.050]  We're f*cked.
[01:11:49.470 --> 01:11:49.650]  We're not.
[01:11:49.730 --> 01:11:50.330]  We're gonna add?
[01:11:52.770 --> 01:11:53.630]  Yes, Kyle?
[01:11:54.330 --> 01:11:56.430]  I think everyone is on drugs at this point.
[01:11:58.770 --> 01:11:59.270]  I'm not.
[01:11:59.310 --> 01:12:00.030]  I'm just on hope.
[01:12:13.950 --> 01:12:16.250]  Not since the popsicle twins versus Chuck Ferris.
[01:12:19.440 --> 01:12:20.260]  Look it up, kids.
[01:12:22.260 --> 01:12:24.020]  This reminds me of that movie Party Monster.
[01:12:26.280 --> 01:12:28.280]  Yeah, this is where Macaulay Culkin kills a guy, I think.
[01:12:28.280 --> 01:12:29.480]  So we have a question here.
[01:12:29.740 --> 01:12:33.280]  First of all, the question is, does somebody gatecrash and count as an entry?
[01:12:34.160 --> 01:12:36.260]  I was just told to come up here, guys.
[01:12:37.200 --> 01:12:38.600]  Were you just wandering around?
[01:12:40.900 --> 01:12:42.520]  It's a dangerous... okay.
[01:12:42.520 --> 01:12:43.220]  I think...
[01:12:43.220 --> 01:12:44.180]  I think the...
[01:12:44.180 --> 01:12:44.980]  The dangerous president...
[01:12:44.980 --> 01:12:45.660]  The crowd has spoken.
[01:12:45.920 --> 01:12:46.820]  I think we need to vote on this.
[01:12:46.940 --> 01:12:48.640]  Okay, so our final contestant...
[01:12:50.080 --> 01:12:51.520]  Our final contestant...
[01:12:53.980 --> 01:12:54.580]  What?
[01:12:54.920 --> 01:12:55.200]  What?
[01:12:57.880 --> 01:12:58.480]  What?
[01:12:58.480 --> 01:13:00.900]  Our final contestant has a lot of daddy issues.
[01:13:01.520 --> 01:13:02.100]  Um, what...
[01:13:03.480 --> 01:13:04.200]  Um, what...
[01:13:04.200 --> 01:13:05.640]  Wait, final contestant!
[01:13:05.640 --> 01:13:06.680]  I can't hear anything you're saying.
[01:13:06.700 --> 01:13:09.060]  Final contestant, wait, wait, what is your name?
[01:13:09.220 --> 01:13:09.500]  What is...
[01:13:09.500 --> 01:13:10.300]  What do we call you?
[01:13:10.400 --> 01:13:11.220]  I guess they're already getting their prize.
[01:13:11.540 --> 01:13:12.040]  What name do we call you?
[01:13:12.200 --> 01:13:12.940]  What do we...
[01:13:13.440 --> 01:13:15.160]  What do we call you to summon you again?
[01:13:15.360 --> 01:13:15.860]  We call her...
[01:13:15.860 --> 01:13:16.700]  Thank you, Dad, for the arts thing.
[01:13:16.700 --> 01:13:19.260]  Take me higher, Dad, and I won't be my fault.
[01:13:19.680 --> 01:13:20.200]  What the...
[01:13:20.200 --> 01:13:23.360]  I'm holding her back, just wanna shout, I'll give you my heart.
[01:13:25.000 --> 01:13:26.720]  You're just a heart attack.
[01:13:27.320 --> 01:13:28.320]  You're just a feeling.
[01:13:28.560 --> 01:13:29.320]  I thought the rain was bouncing.
[01:13:29.320 --> 01:13:30.780]  You let my heart escape.
[01:13:31.000 --> 01:13:32.080]  Beyond the pain.
[01:13:32.320 --> 01:13:34.900]  But even now, I've got a way to stop the storm.
[01:13:35.640 --> 01:13:38.340]  Oh, baby, it's out of my control, it's cold.
[01:13:38.340 --> 01:13:40.460]  You're literally risking disqualification.
[01:13:40.660 --> 01:13:43.860]  You're just a chance, I take, to keep on dreaming.
[01:13:44.460 --> 01:13:47.800]  You're just another day, that keeps me breathing.
[01:13:48.180 --> 01:13:52.060]  Baby, I love the way that it hasn't been shown.
[01:13:52.060 --> 01:13:53.600]  Oh, baby, you can go something.
[01:13:54.040 --> 01:13:56.080]  Hide away with me some more.
[01:14:11.100 --> 01:14:11.760]  Mushroom.
[01:14:11.760 --> 01:14:12.160]  Ooh.
[01:14:45.650 --> 01:14:48.710]  You're just cause the fluid to מא her body.
[01:14:50.510 --> 01:14:52.030]  .ların You're the...
[01:14:56.400 --> 01:14:57.080]  Where youelf...
[01:14:57.080 --> 01:14:57.100]  You're the...
[01:14:57.100 --> 01:14:59.680]  What they hold your way to stop.
[01:15:06.420 --> 01:15:07.180]  You're...
[01:15:07.180 --> 01:15:07.180]  ...
[01:15:07.180 --> 01:15:09.820]  I think to You're just a chance, I take to college, baby.
[01:15:10.300 --> 01:15:13.780]  You're just one day, that keeps me breathing.
[01:15:52.260 --> 01:15:54.960]  When you're behind that other thing.
[01:15:56.040 --> 01:15:58.540]  I'm in the back, just wanna show you.
[01:16:01.000 --> 01:16:02.920]  You're just a hideaway.
[01:16:03.180 --> 01:16:04.400]  You're just a baby.
[01:16:04.980 --> 01:16:06.920]  You're like my heart is here.
[01:16:07.200 --> 01:16:08.320]  I'm in the middle.
[01:16:08.600 --> 01:16:10.040]  I can't find a way.
[01:16:10.220 --> 01:16:11.040]  I smell the storm.
[01:16:12.080 --> 01:16:13.860]  Bring it out of my control.
[01:16:14.020 --> 01:16:14.920]  What's going on?
[01:16:16.280 --> 01:16:18.040]  You're just a chance.
[01:16:18.340 --> 01:16:19.980]  I took it from training.
[01:16:20.800 --> 01:16:24.040]  You're just a day that keeps me breathing.
[01:16:46.950 --> 01:16:47.870]  Mushroom.
[01:17:33.650 --> 01:17:35.490]  Technology conference.
[01:17:35.850 --> 01:17:36.410]  Full disclosure.
[01:17:38.330 --> 01:17:39.810]  You don't understand.
[01:17:39.810 --> 01:17:41.770]  We're going to learn.
[01:17:42.050 --> 01:17:46.550]  Mom, I gotta go because I'm gonna learn all this new knowledge and it's gonna be good for my degree.
[01:17:46.950 --> 01:17:48.690]  I think I'm on drugs right now.
[01:17:48.730 --> 01:17:49.250]  I'm not sure.
[01:17:50.050 --> 01:17:51.230]  I think this might be my first drug.
[01:17:51.230 --> 01:17:52.970]  I mean, they're really nice people.
[01:17:53.190 --> 01:17:55.130]  So I ordered a large on Amazon.
[01:17:55.810 --> 01:17:56.970]  They gave me a small.
[01:17:57.530 --> 01:17:59.050]  So this is my summer suit.
[01:17:59.570 --> 01:18:00.950]  Sorry, Mom, about the camel toe.
[01:18:01.630 --> 01:18:01.850]  Whoops.
[01:18:05.910 --> 01:18:06.630]  Mask stranger.
[01:18:06.970 --> 01:18:07.230]  Mask stranger.
[01:18:07.230 --> 01:18:07.590]  Mask stranger.
[01:18:07.770 --> 01:18:08.330]  What is your name?
[01:18:08.670 --> 01:18:10.450]  What is your name for the judges, please?
[01:18:10.670 --> 01:18:11.710]  She won't tell you her name.
[01:18:11.810 --> 01:18:12.490]  Jesus Christ.
[01:18:13.110 --> 01:18:14.410]  She will not tell you her name.
[01:18:14.490 --> 01:18:15.230]  What is her name?
[01:18:15.310 --> 01:18:16.690]  What is your name, contestant?
[01:18:18.210 --> 01:18:20.830]  By the way, this is now the funkiest hope.
[01:18:20.830 --> 01:18:21.210]  Yeah.
[01:18:21.490 --> 01:18:21.810]  It is.
[01:18:22.210 --> 01:18:23.210]  Tell us what you're called.
[01:18:23.250 --> 01:18:23.750]  That was pretty funny.
[01:18:23.750 --> 01:18:24.510]  Do you have a name?
[01:18:24.690 --> 01:18:25.710]  Do you have a name?
[01:18:28.170 --> 01:18:29.170]  Tell us what you're called.
[01:18:33.140 --> 01:18:34.120]  Oh, my God.
[01:18:34.680 --> 01:18:35.300]  Oh, my God.
[01:18:35.320 --> 01:18:36.320]  We shall name her.
[01:18:38.060 --> 01:18:39.100]  Please tell us what you're called.
[01:18:39.300 --> 01:18:40.360]  I guess I've got a new handle.
[01:18:44.260 --> 01:18:48.400]  HOPE is dedicated to a harassment-free conference experience for everyone.
[01:18:49.260 --> 01:18:50.560]  It was all consensual.
[01:18:51.180 --> 01:18:52.780]  The hope series of events are open, including forums for sharing of ideas.
[01:18:54.280 --> 01:19:01.360]  It is important for participants to step beyond prejudices, societal norms, and other perspectives that lead to a disrespect for people and groups.
[01:19:02.200 --> 01:19:12.640]  Everyone's welcome, regardless of race, class, gender, identity, or expression, age, ethnicity, religion, political beliefs, disability, sexual orientation, personal appearance, or educational level, text, editor, choice, and other aspects of who we are.
[01:19:13.360 --> 01:19:16.500]  We are a space for tolerance or respect.
[01:19:17.880 --> 01:19:21.860]  If you're taking crowd shots, please announce your intentions to the crowd to allow people to look away.
[01:19:22.780 --> 01:19:23.760]  Boy, that warning came from late.
[01:19:23.760 --> 01:19:24.860]  Your new handle is Cockhorse.
[01:19:26.180 --> 01:19:26.500]  Hi.
[01:19:26.760 --> 01:19:27.320]  Are we good?
[01:19:27.880 --> 01:19:28.900]  Oh, no, we're good.
[01:19:29.040 --> 01:19:29.500]  Oh, no.
[01:19:30.660 --> 01:19:31.300]  We're great.
[01:19:31.480 --> 01:19:32.460]  Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[01:19:32.460 --> 01:19:33.340]  I think everyone is on the road.
[01:19:33.340 --> 01:19:33.480]  Okay.
[01:19:33.720 --> 01:19:34.840]  So, camel toe.
[01:19:38.600 --> 01:19:39.320]  Number seven.
[01:19:41.140 --> 01:19:41.660]  Oh.
[01:19:42.560 --> 01:19:43.400]  Oh, boy.
[01:19:44.400 --> 01:19:46.280]  We never go out the same way you came in.
[01:19:46.420 --> 01:19:46.540]  All right.
[01:19:46.680 --> 01:19:48.100]  So, uh...
[01:19:48.100 --> 01:19:48.680]  Jesus Christ.
[01:19:48.920 --> 01:19:49.040]  All right.
[01:19:49.500 --> 01:19:49.780]  Okay.
[01:19:49.980 --> 01:19:50.900]  So, judges.
[01:19:51.940 --> 01:19:52.460]  Judges.
[01:19:52.720 --> 01:19:53.320]  Remember us?
[01:19:54.100 --> 01:19:55.460]  Are you prepared, judges?
[01:19:56.180 --> 01:19:58.380]  Three, two, one.
[01:20:06.480 --> 01:20:07.400]  Oh, man.
[01:20:08.920 --> 01:20:13.180]  Thank God Rob is being taken out of the special secret back entrance at the end.
[01:20:16.390 --> 01:20:16.750]  I...
[01:20:16.750 --> 01:20:17.290]  I...
[01:20:17.290 --> 01:20:17.470]  I...
[01:20:17.470 --> 01:20:17.550]  I...
[01:20:21.190 --> 01:20:22.490]  I didn't know we could do that.
[01:20:22.610 --> 01:20:23.130]  That's amazing.
[01:20:23.390 --> 01:20:23.450]  Wow.
[01:20:23.930 --> 01:20:24.290]  I...
[01:20:24.290 --> 01:20:25.650]  I'm still not sure what happened.
[01:20:26.030 --> 01:20:26.450]  Yeah, I...
[01:20:26.450 --> 01:20:27.470]  No, no, no, that's not...
[01:20:27.470 --> 01:20:28.190]  Don't ruin it.
[01:20:28.270 --> 01:20:28.550]  Don't...
[01:20:28.550 --> 01:20:29.130]  We'll just...
[01:20:29.130 --> 01:20:31.090]  We'll just wake up tomorrow and act like it didn't happen.
[01:20:31.090 --> 01:20:31.690]  She's the reason I crashed.
[01:20:32.030 --> 01:20:32.590]  We're just gonna...
[01:20:32.590 --> 01:20:34.670]  I was just suiting up in the ladies room.
[01:20:34.870 --> 01:20:36.210]  She's like, come with me!
[01:20:37.250 --> 01:20:37.610]  No!
[01:20:40.030 --> 01:20:40.390]  I...
[01:20:40.390 --> 01:20:41.690]  I'll tell you something.
[01:20:41.830 --> 01:20:44.410]  I'm just jealous because I've been wearing that exact same thing under this outfit.
[01:20:44.510 --> 01:20:45.750]  All con and nobody said a thing.
[01:20:45.890 --> 01:20:46.190]  I...
[01:20:46.190 --> 01:20:46.370]  I...
[01:20:47.530 --> 01:20:51.330]  I swear to God, I forgot about the time that guy told me a really long story about his resume.
[01:20:51.390 --> 01:20:51.890]  I'll tell you that.
[01:20:53.010 --> 01:20:53.410]  All right.
[01:20:53.930 --> 01:20:54.450]  It's gone.
[01:20:55.030 --> 01:20:55.710]  You got rid of it.
[01:20:55.850 --> 01:20:56.190]  It's gone.
[01:20:57.210 --> 01:20:57.570]  It's gone.
[01:20:57.710 --> 01:20:58.630]  And still, I have a question.
[01:20:58.830 --> 01:21:00.090]  Can you solve Rubik's Cubes?
[01:21:01.050 --> 01:21:02.090]  Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
[01:21:02.270 --> 01:21:03.370]  So, I guess...
[01:21:03.370 --> 01:21:03.850]  I guess...
[01:21:03.850 --> 01:21:05.010]  Do we move forward to the...
[01:21:05.010 --> 01:21:05.590]  To the...
[01:21:05.590 --> 01:21:06.650]  Come on up, Kyle!
[01:21:06.730 --> 01:21:07.450]  We have numbers now.
[01:21:07.510 --> 01:21:07.750]  Kyle!
[01:21:07.970 --> 01:21:12.170]  Kyle, the one straight numbers person in all of this who's kept track of anything.
[01:21:12.970 --> 01:21:13.870]  All these numbers.
[01:21:14.230 --> 01:21:15.430]  We're just doing a straight ad.
[01:21:15.670 --> 01:21:16.890]  It all comes down to the numbers.
[01:21:17.090 --> 01:21:17.710]  He's just an accountant.
[01:21:17.830 --> 01:21:18.430]  Don't attack him.
[01:21:18.510 --> 01:21:19.610]  He's just adding numbers up.
[01:21:20.870 --> 01:21:21.230]  So...
[01:21:21.230 --> 01:21:22.190]  So let's go with...
[01:21:22.190 --> 01:21:23.170]  We're gonna go with...
[01:21:24.150 --> 01:21:24.810]  Let me...
[01:21:24.810 --> 01:21:26.350]  Let me just take a quick look at the numbers.
[01:21:26.490 --> 01:21:26.630]  Okay.
[01:21:27.170 --> 01:21:27.530]  Okay.
[01:21:28.490 --> 01:21:28.890]  So...
[01:21:28.890 --> 01:21:30.250]  Yeah, we're all winners.
[01:21:30.710 --> 01:21:30.950]  Yeah, though.
[01:21:31.090 --> 01:21:31.990]  Tell yourself that.
[01:21:32.730 --> 01:21:33.330]  Tell yourself.
[01:21:33.470 --> 01:21:34.750]  Take that home and hug it.
[01:21:35.030 --> 01:21:35.870]  Except for that one guy.
[01:21:36.270 --> 01:21:37.210]  Only millennials are.
[01:21:37.390 --> 01:21:38.570]  26, 26, 28.
[01:21:39.550 --> 01:21:39.950]  Okay.
[01:21:39.950 --> 01:21:41.850]  I think judges are the real winners here.
[01:21:42.170 --> 01:21:43.310]  I think so, yes.
[01:21:43.890 --> 01:21:44.610]  That is a surprise.
[01:21:44.610 --> 01:21:44.650]  Wow.
[01:21:45.050 --> 01:21:46.770]  I have to process what I just saw.
[01:21:46.890 --> 01:21:47.230]  That was really...
[01:21:47.230 --> 01:21:49.250]  I have to process it too, to be honest.
[01:21:49.450 --> 01:21:49.850]  But...
[01:21:49.850 --> 01:21:51.230]  Okay, let's do this.
[01:21:51.410 --> 01:21:52.210]  Let's do this.
[01:21:52.270 --> 01:21:52.850]  Let's do this.
[01:21:52.850 --> 01:21:54.370]  So, at...
[01:21:54.370 --> 01:21:55.170]  At...
[01:21:55.170 --> 01:21:55.230]  At...
[01:21:55.230 --> 01:21:56.730]  At 25 points...
[01:21:56.730 --> 01:21:58.190]  Let me make sure I'm not screwing anybody.
[01:21:58.370 --> 01:21:58.470]  Okay.
[01:21:58.710 --> 01:22:00.030]  At 25 points...
[01:22:00.610 --> 01:22:01.110]  It's...
[01:22:01.110 --> 01:22:02.070]  Steven Martin Cohen.
[01:22:02.790 --> 01:22:03.530]  And a...
[01:22:03.530 --> 01:22:04.970]  Very interesting story.
[01:22:08.270 --> 01:22:09.170]  Up and a wave.
[01:22:09.290 --> 01:22:09.730]  Up and a wave.
[01:22:09.990 --> 01:22:10.470]  Up and a wave.
[01:22:10.690 --> 01:22:11.030]  Do you...
[01:22:11.030 --> 01:22:11.790]  Do you have any...
[01:22:11.790 --> 01:22:12.330]  Okay.
[01:22:12.590 --> 01:22:15.350]  Do you have a few short words for the audience?
[01:22:23.230 --> 01:22:25.270]  I thought the three was gonna kill me.
[01:22:25.270 --> 01:22:26.270]  But, um...
[01:22:27.450 --> 01:22:27.930]  Um...
[01:22:27.930 --> 01:22:29.390]  I have a very long memory.
[01:22:29.650 --> 01:22:30.330]  What have I done?
[01:22:32.230 --> 01:22:32.710]  Um...
[01:22:32.710 --> 01:22:33.410]  Down my throat.
[01:22:33.770 --> 01:22:33.990]  Um...
[01:22:33.990 --> 01:22:34.890]  It started at the beginning.
[01:22:34.930 --> 01:22:35.930]  God forgive me.
[01:22:36.150 --> 01:22:36.430]  I...
[01:22:36.430 --> 01:22:38.510]  It all started with a sperm and an egg.
[01:22:39.170 --> 01:22:40.250]  No, I...
[01:22:40.250 --> 01:22:40.390]  I...
[01:22:40.390 --> 01:22:40.870]  I...
[01:22:40.870 --> 01:22:41.170]  I...
[01:22:41.170 --> 01:22:42.870]  Just give him the damn prize already.
[01:22:44.890 --> 01:22:45.470]  Is there...
[01:22:45.470 --> 01:22:46.270]  You won, man.
[01:22:46.370 --> 01:22:46.450]  You won.
[01:22:46.450 --> 01:22:47.250]  Steven Martin Cohen.
[01:22:47.470 --> 01:22:48.150]  Google that name.
[01:22:48.310 --> 01:22:52.850]  Buy my books on Amazon so that I can make my subway fare to get home.
[01:22:53.770 --> 01:22:55.050]  No, really, you like the...
[01:22:55.050 --> 01:22:56.970]  They're techno thrillers and...
[01:22:56.970 --> 01:22:57.870]  My, uh...
[01:22:58.390 --> 01:23:00.030]  My best fans are cops and doctors.
[01:23:00.630 --> 01:23:02.030]  Because I pay attention...
[01:23:02.030 --> 01:23:02.570]  Remember...
[01:23:02.570 --> 01:23:03.990]  Well, one of the seminars said...
[01:23:03.990 --> 01:23:06.050]  I pay attention to the little details.
[01:23:06.090 --> 01:23:06.750]  Thank you, thank you, thank you.
[01:23:07.190 --> 01:23:08.530]  The little details.
[01:23:08.810 --> 01:23:09.030]  Oh.
[01:23:12.450 --> 01:23:12.960]  Okay.
[01:23:13.610 --> 01:23:14.120]  Okay.
[01:23:14.380 --> 01:23:14.660]  Okay.
[01:23:16.480 --> 01:23:18.620]  So, in second place...
[01:23:18.620 --> 01:23:19.990]  In second place...
[01:23:19.990 --> 01:23:21.530]  We have a three-way tie.
[01:23:23.460 --> 01:23:25.040]  How was that second place then?
[01:23:25.420 --> 01:23:25.700]  With...
[01:23:26.270 --> 01:23:27.880]  We have a three-way tie for second.
[01:23:28.380 --> 01:23:29.190]  Look, I don't know.
[01:23:29.360 --> 01:23:30.080]  I don't get this either.
[01:23:30.270 --> 01:23:30.800]  But that's what we did.
[01:23:31.730 --> 01:23:32.500]  Everyone shut up.
[01:23:32.990 --> 01:23:33.860]  This is, uh...
[01:23:33.860 --> 01:23:34.200]  Wait, no.
[01:23:34.280 --> 01:23:35.270]  You wrote the numbers down.
[01:23:35.280 --> 01:23:35.920]  It's your fault.
[01:23:36.200 --> 01:23:37.570]  That means he's in fifth place.
[01:23:38.150 --> 01:23:39.320]  We have a first...
[01:23:39.320 --> 01:23:39.740]  Shut up.
[01:23:41.030 --> 01:23:41.820]  And now...
[01:23:41.820 --> 01:23:43.450]  But it is Cheshire Catalyst.
[01:23:43.450 --> 01:23:44.770]  It is, uh...
[01:23:45.230 --> 01:23:45.620]  Dave...
[01:23:45.620 --> 01:23:47.110]  Reading the Hacker Manifesto.
[01:23:47.570 --> 01:23:49.040]  And it is, uh...
[01:23:49.040 --> 01:23:49.610]  Who's the third one?
[01:23:49.840 --> 01:23:50.240]  Uh...
[01:23:50.240 --> 01:23:50.620]  Uh...
[01:23:50.620 --> 01:23:51.000]  Um...
[01:23:51.000 --> 01:23:51.660]  Comet Crowbar.
[01:23:51.800 --> 01:23:53.200]  So, that's a three-way tie for those.
[01:23:53.920 --> 01:23:56.910]  And all three of you, you're welcome to come up and say something to the audience.
[01:23:59.370 --> 01:24:00.000]  You've done it.
[01:24:00.110 --> 01:24:01.540]  You've killed Cheshire Catalyst.
[01:24:01.660 --> 01:24:02.570]  He's now died.
[01:24:03.280 --> 01:24:03.650]  So...
[01:24:03.650 --> 01:24:03.800]  Yep.
[01:24:04.290 --> 01:24:04.960]  Anybody else?
[01:24:05.080 --> 01:24:05.150]  No?
[01:24:05.240 --> 01:24:06.340]  Okay, fine, fine, fine.
[01:24:06.690 --> 01:24:07.420]  All right!
[01:24:07.690 --> 01:24:09.190]  We know the system's rigged.
[01:24:09.340 --> 01:24:10.610]  Wait, there's a system?
[01:24:10.610 --> 01:24:11.230]  Old news!
[01:24:14.110 --> 01:24:14.660]  And...
[01:24:14.660 --> 01:24:16.040]  And now...
[01:24:16.040 --> 01:24:16.960]  Camel Toe!
[01:24:17.770 --> 01:24:18.320]  Oh...
[01:24:18.880 --> 01:24:19.450]  You...
[01:24:19.450 --> 01:24:19.880]  You...
[01:24:19.880 --> 01:24:23.230]  You can go give Camel Toe your own special prize later.
[01:24:26.260 --> 01:24:27.160]  Jesus Christ.
[01:24:27.260 --> 01:24:28.380]  Maybe we can teach him a new word.
[01:24:28.520 --> 01:24:28.900]  I don't know.
[01:24:29.120 --> 01:24:29.600]  We love you!
[01:24:29.740 --> 01:24:30.080]  You...
[01:24:30.080 --> 01:24:30.720]  You're...
[01:24:31.840 --> 01:24:32.900]  You're all...
[01:24:32.900 --> 01:24:33.780]  We're...
[01:24:33.780 --> 01:24:34.680]  Tonight...
[01:24:34.680 --> 01:24:37.040]  Tonight we are all the worst version of ourselves.
[01:24:39.320 --> 01:24:41.040]  No, I'm going to say...
[01:24:41.040 --> 01:24:42.560]  Braced off pure math.
[01:24:43.220 --> 01:24:43.740]  And I'm sorry.
[01:24:43.960 --> 01:24:44.700]  Math is your friend.
[01:24:47.220 --> 01:24:51.400]  The winner is Mandy with Juggling in Darkness.
[01:24:52.500 --> 01:24:53.020]  Come on up!
[01:24:53.220 --> 01:24:53.880]  Come on up, Mandy!
[01:24:56.880 --> 01:24:57.840]  Mandy wins!
[01:24:58.440 --> 01:24:59.580]  The Mr. Robot!
[01:25:00.480 --> 01:25:01.440]  Pleasure-packed!
[01:25:03.900 --> 01:25:04.860]  And, uh...
[01:25:06.160 --> 01:25:08.340]  And please, Mandy, a little pro...
[01:25:08.340 --> 01:25:09.740]  A little speech for these people.
[01:25:09.740 --> 01:25:11.700]  I didn't actually prepare a speech.
[01:25:12.460 --> 01:25:13.060]  So...
[01:25:13.060 --> 01:25:13.600]  Wing it!
[01:25:13.900 --> 01:25:14.420]  Thanks.
[01:25:15.280 --> 01:25:15.780]  All right!
[01:25:16.740 --> 01:25:17.640]  Thank you.
[01:25:20.000 --> 01:25:22.820]  Well, this has been an abject lesson in something.
[01:25:24.760 --> 01:25:26.500]  I don't know what to say.
[01:25:27.180 --> 01:25:29.520]  Things happened that were not on the schedule.
[01:25:30.020 --> 01:25:32.240]  We'd like to thank Donald Trump's nephew who's in the audience.
[01:25:32.260 --> 01:25:33.440]  Stop saying Donald Trump!
[01:25:37.750 --> 01:25:39.970]  It's been a pleasure knowing all of you.
[01:25:41.990 --> 01:25:42.470]  Um...
[01:25:42.470 --> 01:25:46.110]  So again, please, once again, can we have a round of applause for six brave people?
[01:25:50.280 --> 01:25:51.500]  Don't you mean seven?
[01:25:51.760 --> 01:25:52.820]  Seven brave people.
[01:25:55.980 --> 01:25:59.380]  And a little round of pointing boos to the hecklers.
[01:25:59.660 --> 01:26:00.000]  Boo!
[01:26:01.480 --> 01:26:01.920]  Boo!
[01:26:03.500 --> 01:26:03.940]  Boo!
[01:26:03.940 --> 01:26:05.960]  Remember, next year, when you...
[01:26:05.960 --> 01:26:07.020]  Oh, this is for the hecklers.
[01:26:07.120 --> 01:26:07.940]  When you're here next year...
[01:26:08.420 --> 01:26:10.100]  We won't be, because we're every two years.
[01:26:10.360 --> 01:26:11.320]  Don't, don't, shh!
[01:26:11.880 --> 01:26:12.380]  Next night.
[01:26:13.660 --> 01:26:14.960]  See you next year, hecklers.
[01:26:17.760 --> 01:26:21.500]  Thank you to you all for staying here, for being supportive, for being part of the fun.
[01:26:21.500 --> 01:26:24.340]  Thanks to our judges for working out how to count.
[01:26:25.100 --> 01:26:25.860]  And, uh...
[01:26:25.860 --> 01:26:29.920]  Thanks to the impromptu AVs packed up by our people.
[01:26:30.240 --> 01:26:32.540]  None of that was planned, I promise you.
[01:26:32.840 --> 01:26:33.900]  Please enjoy the night.
[01:26:34.480 --> 01:26:36.100]  New York is safe, but not that safe.
[01:26:36.640 --> 01:26:37.600]  And, uh...
[01:26:37.600 --> 01:26:38.020]  Please...
[01:26:38.020 --> 01:26:38.860]  Yeah.
[01:26:40.320 --> 01:26:40.800]  Uh-uh.
[01:26:43.340 --> 01:26:47.940]  Remember, if you go on the roof, it'll be an experience you will not soon forget.
[01:26:49.120 --> 01:26:50.580]  Because it'll be in your record.
[01:26:50.580 --> 01:26:51.620]  Thanks, everybody.
[01:26:51.960 --> 01:26:53.060]  We love you.
[01:26:53.760 --> 01:26:56.080]  See you tomorrow for the last day of hope.
[01:26:58.760 --> 01:27:00.480]  Yeah, sure.
[01:27:00.740 --> 01:27:01.180]  Uh...