How to Hack Health

by MuscleHead

To quasi-paraphrase the lovable vice prez running OCP in RoboCop, "Good hacking is where you find it."

In this case, it's in a room of sweaty people wearing Lycra.  Most health clubs have aerobic equipment, and more often than not a stair machine is part of the collection.  You can do more with these things than choose some workout routine and lie about your weight, you can hack them!

They don't have that keypad and LED display just for the users, it's also there for techs and club owners to do things you (the sweating one) aren't supposed to know about...

All of the following refers to a StairMaster 4000; I've seen, but my place doesn't have, LifeStep systems.  Presumably, there's good stuff locked away in its firmware as well...

All codes unless listed otherwise must be entered when the thing is in attract mode; you can tell if it is as there will be an EKG-like blip going across the display.  ENT means the Enter button on the keypad.

First, find out the revision, since the codes you will use will depend on this.

Hit: 107 ENT 4

You should see something like this:

REV. D REV. E REV. M REV. 1.1 REV. 1.2 REV. 1.3 REV. 1.5 REV. 2.1 REV. 2.2

If you get anything below Revision 1.5, don't bother with it, most of the codes won't work.

Changing the workout time.

Feel like you're not getting your fair shot on the stairs?  Hit 1010 ENT, enter the time (up to 45 minutes), and ENT again.  Then, when Bobby Joe Steroid wants you to get off, you can tell him "Hey, the thing hasn't beeped and you know they shut off after fifteen minutes..."

Locking in the maximum time.

Use your knowledge to protest goofy time limits.  Note:  This really locks in the max time; some poor StairMaster tech will have to come out and use his/her magic wand if your club wants it changed after you do this.

For Revision 1.5 and 2.1: 1010 ENT, enter the maximum workout time, ENT, system goes back to attract mode, 97405 ENT, system displays time you just set, ENT

For Revision 2.2: 1010 ENT, enter maximum workout time, ENT, system goes back to attract mode, 97405 ENT

Now you can avoid the evil club's high-turnover setting and stay on the StairMaster up to your God-given 45 minute limit!

Creating aesthetic commentary.

This is the fun stuff.  All those LEDs can be used for more than just displaying some simulated terrain or blipping a fake EKG; they can convey your deepest thoughts on the whole body image issue.  Or a really devastating ego-nuke, depending on your mood.

Your insightful commentary can be a max of 128 chars, including spaces, and will replace the normal EKG blip used in the attract mode.  Each character is entered by using its 2-digit code; hitting the CLEAR button gets rid of an incorrect character.  Here's the code table:

0 = 00 1 = 01 2 = 02 3 = 03 4 = 04 5 = 05 6 = 06 7 = 07 8 = 08 9 = 09 ! = 20 * = 21 + = 22 $ = 23 . = 24 % = 25 ? = 26 ' = 27 " = 28 _ = 29 # = 30 ♥ = 31 (heart) : = 32 A = 50 B = 51 C = 52 D = 53 E = 54 F = 55 G = 56 H = 57 I = 58 J = 59 K = 60 L = 61 M = 62 N = 63 O = 64 P = 65 Q = 66 R = 67 S = 68 T = 69 U = 70 V = 71 W = 72 X = 73 Y = 74 Z = 75 = 76 (space)

To program the message, hit: 7607 ENT, enter your message, ENT

Remember, given the location, an ill-chosen message could push someone insecure with themselves into another five years of therapy.  So, be a good neighbor...

Editing the message: 7607 ENT brings up the message.  Use the Up Arrow/Down Arrow to scroll through the message.  CLEAR kills the rightmost character on the display, and anything you enter is inserted at the right.

Shutting message off: 2123 ENT

It's still stored in memory though.

Turning message on: 2121 ENT

Turning "teletype" sound on: 40 ENT

Turning "teletype" sound off: 41 ENT

Slot machine: this replaces the standard "You didn't die!" message you get when you slave all the way through a session.  Not nearly as much fun as the message option, but it can cause amusing confusion in workout-numbed victims.

8089 ENT, "DISPLAY ODDS" is displayed, enter number between 5 and 9999 depending on how unlucky you want everyone to be (higher is unluckier), ENT.  Not too thrilling.

Turn off slot machine: 8089 ENT, 0, ENT

Cover your ass: 105 ENT

This wipes the memory, and any chances a club owner has of proving you have curiosity.

Miscellaneous stuff: (all codes followed by ENT)

3121 - Display current slot machine odds.

7703 - Cumulative hours and floors.

9760 - Change over to Imperial system.

9761 - Change to metric system.

Up Arrow 15 - Display test.

107 ENT 5 - Displays settings.

As an alternative to health clubs, many health equipment stores now carry higher-end toys like StairMasters.

Many of these stores also display them prominently at the front windows because "Hey!  LEDs!" - Joe Customer will always be hooked by a lightshow!

So, what better place to get across your opinion than a trendy health equipment store at a busy mall?  Celebrate your public debut with a corn dog at Frank's Crisco Haus while you watch the nice owners handle the extra business you brought in...