The Digital Dog Pound presents Binary Revolution Radio, now launch the base.
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Hello?
Is this a telemarketer?
Hello?
Why would you call and not say anything, you dirty douchebag?
This is dedicated to all the hackers and the crackers.
To the hackers and the crackers.
I see in binary.
I speak source code.
Step on my toes.
I'll post a million jpegs of you in a fag pose.
In your digital stance, getting firewalled ho.
Cause I'm ridin' the net in my six foe.
I was a dick with my 56.
Now with my cable, I'm able to get that stable.
On the out, my name is Ace and I'm a Leo.
On the digital highway, my name is Neo and I'm a hero.
In a flash, I'll sue you on burnin' dreamcasts.
You need some ISOs?
Let me through my hard drive rifle.
Our exchange you could never stifle.
In a digital hug, you just caught the love bug.
I bootlegged your CD.
I caused a fight between Un and Jay-Z.
Your CG, it's all gonna be free.
Whether we take it by force or we take it nicely.
You feel that rattle in your bones?
When I tell you we just hacked out Jones.
And NASDAQ leaves you flat on your back.
Cause I am he who loves to hack and crack.
This is dedicated to the hackers and the criminals.
Serial codes, source codes, ISOs, RANs, Zip, Sips.
This is dedicated to the hackers and the crack.
Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the Binary Revolution Radio Telephonic Craptacular.
I am StankDawg with you as always.
And this is a very special episode because in lieu of going through some news and emails and ranting about things,
I've been putting together a little collection of phone calls and other assorted pastimes of mine.
And I thought I'd put them all together and share them with you for this special occasion.
So, enjoy episode 25 of Binary Revolution Radio.
Thank you for listening for 25 episodes.
I hope you listen to a lot more and enjoy your holidays.
We will be back on episode 26 a week from now.
So, without further ado, let's begin.
And the first one here, well, actually several of these are going to be of the same nature.
I get, just like everyone else, lots and lots of calls from telemarketers.
So, I feel that since they called me, it's okay if I record them.
And I'm going to share them with you now.
This first one was pretty much what I normally do with telemarketers.
I just try to keep them online as long as I can, just kind of drag it out, turning into a conversation,
until eventually I get bored and just try to see if I can't freak them out
or just say something that, you know, offends them or something like that.
So, this first call is along those lines.
Enjoy.
Hello, may I please speak?
StankDawgEdit.
Who's calling, please?
Yes, my name is Lucy and I'm calling in reference to...
StankDawgEdit.
Is he available right now?
Um, what is it about the Visa card that you wanted to talk to me about?
Am I over my limit?
Oh, no, sir.
This is just to inform you that because of your good credit card standing,
we will be receiving a complimentary gift from American Home.
Woo-hoo!
Yeah!
How good is my credit?
How good is my standing?
Come again.
You said my credit is really good.
How good is it?
Is there like a number between 1 and 10?
Am I like a perfect 10 or what?
Sir, we don't have any information about that right now.
Well, what's the cutoff?
I mean, do you give the prize to like everybody
or do you have to have like, you know, only the upper 90% or something?
Sir, this is just in reference to your Visa card
because of your good credit card standing,
you will be receiving a complimentary gift.
Yeah, but like my brother has really bad credit.
Is he going to get the complimentary gift too?
Because that's not really fair.
Is this just something you give to everybody?
Are you tricking me?
Come again?
Are you just tricking me?
Do you give this gift to everybody
or is it really only for people who have good credit?
Sir, I'm just here to inform you about this
and I don't have any information about that other stuff, sir.
Okay?
Well, I'm confused.
You must have some information
because you said I have good credit, right?
Yes, sir.
Or do you just go down a list and call everybody?
Come again, sir?
Do you just go down a list and call everybody
and tell them they have good credit?
No, sir.
Okay, so what do I get for my good credit?
What is the free surprise or whatever, the free reward?
So, sir, you will be receiving a free complimentary phone card
that is loaded with 1,000 minutes of long distance call.
Woo-hoo!
Yeah.
Can I make long distance calls with that then?
Yes.
It's a long distance phone card, sir.
You can use this in calling anywhere in the country.
Anywhere in the United States or any country at all
because I have a lot of relatives over in Hong Kong and England, actually,
that I make a lot of outside calls.
Will the phone card work for them?
No, sir.
This is only in the United States.
Okay?
Oh, I guess I need better credit to get the external outside the United States card.
Come again?
I guess I don't have good enough credit to get the card that lets me make international calls.
No, sir.
This is only for in-state and state-to-state long distance calls.
This phone card is just valid for that call.
Okay?
1,000 minutes of long distance calls inside the United States.
Yes, sir.
Okay, great.
Sounds good.
Okay, you can use this, sir, in any kinds of touch-tone phone, including pay phones and cell phones.
And you don't need to change nor switch your long distance carrier.
And you can also share this with your family and friends.
And, sir, for your convenience, the complete information regarding this phone card will be sent out to you in writing.
Okay?
I'm sorry.
I didn't understand that?
A complete information, sir, regarding this phone card will be sent out to you in writing.
Okay?
Yeah, I don't have a touch-tone phone, though.
Is that a problem?
Oh, sir, it only works in any touch-tone phone.
See, I use my phone through my computer, so I don't actually have touch-tones.
So, yeah, you know what?
I think I probably better just pass.
This doesn't sound like it works for me.
But thank you very much for the call.
Oh, that was just wrong.
Now, see, Lucy was pretty fun, but the majority of the calls I get go more like this one,
where I just start making up numbers and playing along, and I get tired kind of quickly.
So they're just short and sweet.
Hello?
Hi, man.
Stank Dog Edit.
Who's calling, please?
My name is Dan.
I'm with Key Financial Corporation.
I'm calling you about the FHA loan on your property there.
Yeah, what about it?
You know if you're at a 6% or higher interest rate right now.
Yeah, I'm actually right at 6%.
Okay, then you're going to be able to save money.
Hold on one moment.
Just for holding on, I get to save money?
That's a pretty good deal.
Now, it's going to take me a second to put this in the computer here.
Now, are you on a 30-year mortgage at this point?
I'm on a 15, you're right, at this point.
Okay, so you'd rather be at a 15.
That's even better.
Well, how much do you owe on your home?
I really can't do anything with that number.
I mean, you know, it's a number to me.
Yeah, I'd rather not talk about that over the phone, but thank you for the call.
What did you...
Later, biatch!
Now, this one is one of my personal favorites.
This girl was just so, so incredibly nice.
And I was in a really great mood to try to drag it out.
And then when I finally got tired and tried to end it by telling them that I would have been convicted of fraud and identity theft,
they still were willing to give me this wonderful credit card.
So this is one of my personal favorites.
Which I hope you enjoy it.
Hello?
Hi, I'm Ashley.
Sorry, no real names allowed.
Please.
Who's calling?
Hi, my name is Brandy.
I'm calling from MBNA.
How are you doing this evening?
I'm pretty damn good.
How about you?
I'm doing pretty good myself.
Okay.
Myself, actually.
Let me tell you that I'm going to be brief.
I'm not going to take up too much of your time.
Okay.
She said, for my call today, is to let you know, upon approval, in a couple of weeks,
you will be receiving our World Points Platinum Plus MasterCard.
Wait a minute.
I will be receiving it?
Like, I don't have a choice in the matter?
Well, I mean, of course you have a choice.
Oh, okay.
I mean, did I screw something up?
Did I blow, you know, did you guys catch up with my whole, uh, am I being punished or what?
No, sir.
This is actually a great promotional rate.
We wouldn't actually try to punish you with such a great promotion.
What exactly is the promotional rate?
Well, let me tell you, the card has no annual fee.
Um, it is at a 0% interest rate until June 2004.
And after that fixed rate of June 2004 ends, it will go to a, uh, fixed rate of 9.9%.
Hmm.
I see.
I think that's like every other credit card ad I get.
It's always got a 0% interest rate.
Uh, there's never an annual fee.
I mean, not to be rude, but that sounds like pretty much everything else that's offered to me.
What's different about this?
Well, like I said, the 0% interest rate is, um, a promotional rate.
It's good on your cash only, which means it's good on your balance transfers or your assets checks.
Um, and that will be up to June 2004.
Um, the card has great benefits.
Let me ask you, do you travel a lot?
Um, yeah, I have to jet in and out of the country quite a bit, actually.
Okay, and do you collect, uh, frequent flyer miles by any can?
Um, you know, I do, but I don't keep track of them.
Actually, I have a secretary that takes care of all that for me, so, um...
Okay.
I mean, I do, but I don't do it personally.
You don't do it often?
Yeah, I, I, the secretary takes care of all that.
I don't have time to mess with the little details and stuff like that.
And that's understandable.
But let me tell you that with this card, um, we do offer frequent flyer miles as well.
But our, excuse me, unlike other cards that have blackout dates, our card has no blackout dates.
Um, which means you can use them at any time, no matter, uh, where you're going.
And actually, it's with any U.S., with any airline.
Okay.
So, I know with, um, other cards, they do have restrictions as far as blackout dates.
And normally, it's only with one or two airlines that you can use, uh, your card, your, uh, miles.
But actually, with this card, it's any, um, airlines, no blackout dates.
And it also has quite a few other benefits that I'm pretty sure, if you're a traveler,
um, that you would like to use.
Mm-hmm.
Now, one thing, um...
Now, can I transfer my points from, that I already have over to this and, like, have them all in one central place?
Or...
I'm sorry.
Can you say that again?
Like, I already have my frequent flyer mile accounts.
Like I said, can I transfer them all over to this card and have them all in one central place?
Can you guys track all of my frequent flyer miles for me?
Um, let me try to find out their information,
because I'm not exactly sure whether or not they will allow you to transfer a point.
Okay, I'll hold on.
Okay, thank you.
La-da-dee-da.
La-da-dee-da-da.
I need some hold music.
Okay, Mr. Censored.
Well, right, I'm just trying to think of all the miles that I already have, my frequent flyer miles that already exist.
How can I combine them together, because I don't want to just stop the plan that I'm currently in.
Well, no, you don't have to stop the plan.
You can, um, like I said, we're going to, what we want to do is send out the card and the welcome packet out to you,
so that you can compare, uh, the two.
And if you decide that you want to go ahead and use our card, you're actually able to use our card that has no blackout dates,
and the card that you want to use that may have blackout dates at two different times.
What I'm saying is basically, say you want to use your other card, um, on a certain date, but it has a blackout date.
Our card has no blackout dates, and you could use that card as long as you have the points available.
So it actually works both ways.
Yeah, you know what, I actually, you know, that sounds good, that would be helpful to me and everything,
but let's be honest, my more main concern, before we waste any time, have you already,
am I already, like, pre-approved or anything like that?
Because, frankly, the bigger concern is my credit.
I've actually had some, some problems in the past with identity fraud, where I was arrested, and there were some problems.
Well, unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to tell you that information.
Like I said, we, what I'm trying to do is get your, get your information,
and get your okay to actually send out the card and the welcome packet to you,
but I'm not able to tell you whether or not you're already pre-approved.
I don't see your credit, basically.
That's a problem because I'm scared that if I apply for this, I'm on probation right now,
and I'm worried that just the act of applying for a new card might break my probation
because I'm not supposed to be participating in any of this kind of stuff right now
because they think that I'm going to use it for more identity theft,
and I don't want to be, I don't want to put myself in an awkward situation.
So, you know, it's probably best right now if I just back off because I just can't afford to go back,
and I appreciate the call, but if it's not already pre-approved and it's something I can take advantage of,
it's probably better for me to avoid it.
Okay.
Well, let me go ahead and give you our telephone number then.
Okay.
If you should happen to change your mind.
Great.
It's 1-866-600-2282.
I'm sorry, that was 1-866.
600-2282.
2-2-8-2.
Yes, sir.
And if I call them, they will be able to, will they be able to look up my credit and make sure that I am,
you know, that this is valid, that I can get it, and, you know, it's already pre-approved or whatever the term is?
Well, see, the only thing that I can tell you, because like I said, we don't see your credit.
You were pre-selected, which means that basically so far you have the criteria met to receive the card,
but no one would, even if you call this back, no one would be able to guarantee that we could send you this card.
Oh, that's what I was asking.
The people at that number also do not have authority to look at that information.
Right.
We don't have authority to look at your credit.
I see.
So, well, is there a number of someone I can call that would be able to check that?
Because like I said, I don't want to get into a jail situation.
You know, I'm sorry.
You know what?
It's probably just better for all if I just don't follow up on this at all.
Okay, ma'am.
But thank you very much for the call.
I appreciate it.
But you'll have a good evening.
You too.
Goodbye.
Bye-bye.
I'm an evil bastard.
All right.
And my friend Ernie here, this is also another one of my favorites from Direct Satellite or something like that,
some kind of direct TV company.
This is how, this is a good example of social engineering, of how you can get the people on the line, twist the words, play along with them,
and every once in a while just slip in a question, see if you can garnish some information from them.
Usually, if you're slipping in with the right timing, make it inconspicuous, you can usually give them to give up some information.
You'll notice that this gentleman was kind enough to tell me somewhat about how the system works and how they make their money and how their business works,
even what kind of computer they had towards the end.
And he was very forthcoming with information.
Even when I put him on the spot, I kind of made him, you know, went with some awkwardness, gave him a little porn or questions,
just trying to make him stutter a little bit.
Get them off guard.
Get them on their heels.
And then they're usually not quite on the tips of their toes when it comes to thinking quickly and whether they should and shouldn't answer your request.
So I usually like to push it if I can and get a little information out of him.
And this is a pretty good example of that.
Hello?
That's Mr. Dog to you.
Who's calling?
This is Ernie with Direct Activation, consulting for DirecTV, sir.
Okay.
How are you?
Just great.
And yourself?
I'm pretty good.
Okay.
Just really quickly, I wanted to let you know about the great promotion we have on it.
We're installing free DirecTV satellite systems for the next couple of days, sir.
We have a great promotion with the NFL Sunday ticket as well that will allow you to see all the NFL football games.
Plus, we'll give you four months of free programming as well if you sign up for the NFL Sunday ticket, sir.
Just trying to see if we might be able to save you some money up your monthly cable bill if you're paying for cable.
Well, yeah, I have basic cable.
I only have the basic channels right now.
So it's definitely going to be more, but I would be interested in how much are those add-on packages?
Well, actually, why don't you tell me what's the prices for just the general packages?
Yeah, okay.
Because I know this is just a little sales call gimmick.
You want to get me hooked.
But what's the flat-out bottom line?
How much is it going to cost me a month to get what?
Exactly.
Let me find out how many TVs you have at your home so I can give you an accurate quote about DirecTV.
Does it matter how many TVs I have?
Yeah.
Why does that make a difference?
Oh, because for DirecTV, it's 100% digital, which means you have to have a separate receiver, a satellite receiver for each room.
So there's an additional cost to get to activate those every month.
It's $4.99 for each room.
Let's say we set you up with the NFL Sunday ticket.
I'm sorry.
Somebody in your room made a sale.
I was helping out with the little – I heard the bell ringing and stuff.
Oh, yeah.
Somebody – a new DirecTV customer there.
There you go.
Tell them I say congratulations.
I sure will.
No.
Come on.
Tell them now.
Congratulations.
My customer said congratulations.
Did you hear that?
There you go.
They're all smiling and stuff, too.
Okay, now, how many TVs did you say?
Because we're giving away three receivers right now, and we can get you a great deal on more of them if you need them more.
Well, no, I actually have –
I have three.
But isn't there, like, a device that can do all three from one central location or no?
You could split it yourself.
You could go get a splitter from, like, Radio Shack and some coax cable and do it yourself.
But you'd have to watch the same programming on both TVs, though.
Oh, you would?
Yeah, so you wouldn't have – yeah, you need an individual receiver, actually, to pick up the DirecTV signal, and so you need a separate one.
You're going to be staring the same signal on both TVs.
So some people like – that's called mirroring.
Some people like to do that, you know, to save a little bit of money.
No, it's not that big a deal.
Yeah.
So it's an additional $4.99 for each room.
So, like, let's say – you said three TVs, right?
Right.
And you showed some interest in the NFL Sunday ticket.
Right, NFL and the NASCAR package.
Okay.
I've got somebody trying to get the NASCAR information for me.
Have you got another sale?
Hopefully he'll be coming back in a second.
The NFL one right now is $69 a month plus tax.
Man, you guys are selling left and right.
I just heard the bell ring again.
Yeah, people want it.
People are switching from outdated cable to, you know, state-of-the-art satellite systems.
Right.
Yeah, people are sick and tired of the price increase through the cable.
Amen.
Yeah.
Hallelujah.
Yeah.
See, with DirecTV, you know, we don't do that.
You sign a 12-month agreement and, you know, we're locked into that.
You're bound to that.
We're bound to it.
You know, it's a partnership.
When that 12 months is up, do you raise the price on me or anything?
No.
See, the last price increase, DirecTV experience, was three years ago, and it was only for $1.
The same product, the same service I'm offering you now.
Actually, we increased our channel, though.
It's only been increased $1 since the year 2000.
Wow.
And when you sign the agreement, we can't do it.
Like, with the cable company, they go by percentages.
You know, they do 8% or 9%, you know, when they feel like it, pretty much.
Right.
Yeah.
So, but right now, if you went with the NFL Sunday ticket, it would be $69.73 a month for the three TVs.
Mm-hmm.
And we're going to throw in Total Choice Premier with your locals, with that, free for four months.
So, you're going to get all of the movie channels, everything.
There's a sports pack in with that, with your regional sports network, Fox Sports World, the golf channel,
all that stuff is thrown in there for free for four months.
At the end of the four months, if you chose to stick with the Total Choice Premier package,
that would be $97 a month plus tax.
Good.
But you don't have to keep that.
Jesse, James had a gun.
And our most affordable package, which is still outstanding, is called Total Choice with locals.
On three TVs, that would only be $48.97 a month plus tax.
And that's over 125 channels.
So, you get some regional sports in there.
You get, you know, all of your ESPNs and things like that.
So, you get a good deal for that $48.
All right.
What if we were to take out the NFL thing and just go with the basic package of, you know,
basic channels, or local channels plus, you know, whatever you're...
Yeah.
Okay.
That's a great question.
Just the 125 channels you said and not the extra stuff.
How much would that cost me?
That would be Total Choice with locals on three TVs if you're looking at $48.97 a month plus tax.
Now, see, that sounds a lot better.
Yeah, $48.97 a month plus tax, you're going to get, you know, a lot of great channels, you know.
It's our core package, all of your ESPNs, your news channels like the CNNs, you know,
Biography Channel, you name it, you know, it's in there.
Music Choice.
All right.
So, as one man to another, don't I get like 700 or 800 porno channels with that too, or what's up with that?
Well, what you do is you get some options.
You get pay-per-view options, like 55 blockbuster pay-per-view options.
And if you were so inclined to order programming like that, you know,
what you do is you call up DirecTV itself, and you'd be able to order whatever you wanted.
You know, they do offer like the Playboy Channel and some other things like that as well.
And within the pay-per-view options too, there's like a few channels that you order in blocks of, you know,
three or four hours or something like that, or you order for the day.
Oh, dude, I only need like 10, 15 minutes.
I don't need a full four hours.
Yeah, you know, that's up to your discretion, though.
Like I said, it's very private and everything.
My company doesn't do that.
We don't deal with the programming itself.
All we do is just with the hardware, you know, the installation of the satellite system itself.
We give it to you for free.
Now, all the programming needs are going to be met through DirecTV customer service itself.
All right.
So once you got installed and everything, you'd be able to order whatever you wanted.
And they do have all of those options available for you.
Well, I'm confused then.
If you're giving away the hardware and DirecTV is taking care of the programming, where do you guys make money?
Well, DirecTV takes care of us for that.
Oh, you get kickbacks from them.
Okay.
We set up everything.
And, you know, once you sign a 12-month agreement that says you want to keep the service and everything, then, you know, our company gets reimbursed through DirecTV.
Right.
Yeah, but we'll give you all the equipment and installation, and we'll guarantee everything for 12 months, too.
All of our equipment, our installation, if anything should go wrong, you don't call DirecTV like, you know, other companies with other people, resellers, you'll call my company.
And we have people standing by, you know, that can come out there and take care of your problem for you.
What is your company?
Direct Activation.
We're based out of Altamont Springs, Florida.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, then, all right, I'm going to ask another question.
Pardon me if I'm crossing a line here, but let's say I get the bottom line and then get one of those, like, smart card things that gives me all the total whatever.
Uh-huh.
Is that, uh, that's not something I would do through you all, right?
That's something I have to download off the Internet or something like that?
Uh, I don't, I have no information about those type, those type of things.
I said, you know, I'm pretty, I'm not very knowledgeable about, um, the, uh, piracy or whatever.
I don't know what you'd even call those things, really, you know.
But I said, we can get you the system and we can get you the basic package.
And then afterwards, after, after that, if you already know somebody who can do those things for you or whatever, then, uh, you know, more power to you.
Yeah, but I figured you'd tell me, you know, do they, do they shoot out there and tell that you got them or something like that?
Or, I've never done it before, so I don't know anything about it.
I, I have a friend of mine, you know, he, he used to have that done also.
But I think he had to keep on getting it, uh, reconfigured or I don't know what the, what you call it, though.
But he, he had to keep on doing that like every, you know, every 30 days or month and a half.
It all depends, you know.
I'm not sure, I'm not sure how they, you know, could tell if he had, you know, could tell if he had it or not or whatever.
But I know he told me that, you know, he had to go keep on getting it re-chipped or I don't know, whatever.
All right, so it sounds like a hassle to have to do it.
But, geez, all the porn you can eat, man, it might be worth it.
Oh, you can always order it.
Yeah, um.
You can always order as much as, as much as you want, you know.
What about, um, the other problem is that I live in a condo.
So, um, I don't know that they tell me I can't put this thing on the roof and I don't have a back porch, so.
Really?
Yeah, where could I put this, you know, is this something I can.
Well, um, the, the installer, are, are there any restrictions aside from where you put it?
I mean, can you have it?
Do you have neighbors that have it at all or something like that?
Wasn't there a law passed that says that they can't have a monopoly, the cable companies can't have a monopoly and they have to let me have it?
Yeah, I, I, I've read, I've read that literature as much as well.
You know, the, you know, the homeowner associations and the, you know, things like that, they can't, they can't deny you from, you know, purchasing something on your property and things, you know.
Right.
So.
But, I mean, if they give me a hard time and try to kick me out and threaten me and all that, can I come to you guys and you guys fight them in court and all that kind of stuff or is that going to be on all on me?
Um, I, I don't know, I don't know if, if, uh, my company will fight, you know, pay the expenses for court costs and things like that.
That's why we ask before we even install it, are there, is there a problem getting it installed, you know?
Is there something in your lease, is there something in writing that specifically says that you could not have it and that there'll be penalties and repercussions for signing, you know, getting one?
Right. Now, see, I didn't, I didn't hear you ask that at the beginning or I would have mentioned, yeah, because they're, they're definitely tight on it around here.
I thought you guys were saying that you knew I was in a condo.
No, I, I had no idea that you're in a condo.
Even, even with some, you know, uh, condos and things like that, they are allowed to have, you know, personal satellite systems.
Right, no, not here. They're, they're filled with condo commandos all around here.
We're not even allowed to wipe our ass without getting a flag thrown against us for something.
Oh, man, that sucks.
Yeah, all right, well, you know what, I'm sorry then to waste your time. I really wasn't.
No, no problem, you know, that's, that's what I'm here, I'm paying for.
Now, maybe you have some friends or family that don't have the same problem that you have as far as the condo association.
Right.
They might want a free satellite system and you can get $25 cash, you know.
Hey, so do you have an 800 number I can tell them to call or?
Yeah.
Right, what's that?
It's, uh, let's see.
It's, uh, 866, that's 1-866-709-3474.
3-4-7-4, okay, and should I have them ask for you and I'm sure you...
Yeah, my name is Ernie.
Ernie.
Yeah, if they ask for me, I'll go ahead and give them all the free equipment and everything.
All right, do you have an extension or they can just call that and ask for Ernie?
Yeah, they have to ask for me.
What probably will happen is they'll give me a message and I'll have to call them back or something.
Great.
Yeah, and I'm strapped to this computer right now, so I can't, you know, I don't have my own extensor or anything.
What kind of computer do you have there?
Uh, I don't know much about computers.
I just know it's like a, it's a gateway.
Oh, okay, so it's some sort of PC.
Yeah.
And you use a special software, like, to call people?
How do you, how do you, that's why I said I thought you called me because I was in a condo.
Ah, no, no, no.
I thought you knew that.
I don't know, I'm not, I'm not that bright of a guy really.
I don't know exactly how they do it or whatever.
They tell me to just talk to these people and try to get them to, you know, get them to accept the free, you know, promotion we have going on.
Right.
Yeah, sometimes, like, sometimes they do, sometimes they don't, you know, sometimes there are restrictions that won't allow them to get it, but.
Right, hey, join the club, I'm not that guy either.
Yeah.
I appreciate your time, though, sir.
All right, thank you very much.
Have a good day.
Bye-bye.
Boy, that was, uh, I almost got a little extra information on the end, but, damn it.
If I could have figured out how they get their numbers and what kind of software, that could have been interesting.
But, Ernie had to go.
Now, this young lady, when she called, she just wouldn't flinch.
I threw everything at her.
I threw, I started right off the bat hitting her with some awkwardness, trying to, trying to make her stumble, get her off guard, and she just wouldn't hear of it.
She was straight to the script, stick with the survey, went right on with it, and, um, thought it kind of interesting how she handled it.
And this is probably how they want them to, technically, to handle things.
So, give a listen to this one.
Um, obviously, and then, let's preface this a little bit.
Obviously, they called because they knew I purchased a vehicle recently, which I've talked about on the show.
Um, so, they obviously pulled that information from somewhere, even though they claim it was a random call.
Um, they obviously know I purchased a vehicle.
And, anytime you do anything like that, it's a matter of public record, the tax information's out there, and you will get targeted marketing.
And, this is one of those calls.
Hello?
Hi, um, my name is Anna, and I'm calling from Pacific Market Research.
We're conducting a national survey about cars.
We're not selling anything.
Your name was chosen at random from a list of people who've recently bought a vehicle.
Um, this call may be monitored for quality control purposes.
Okay.
Uh, are you or is anyone in your household employed by an ad agency?
By an ad agency?
Uh, no.
By an automotive manufacturer, dealer, or distributor?
Uh, no.
Um, by a marketing research firm?
No.
Everyone in this household is in the porno industry.
Um, I would just like to confirm that you purchased or leased a new Toyota Corolla in the past few years.
Is that right?
Why, yes, that would be the Stankmobile.
And, into which of these age groupings do you fall?
Under 21, 21 to 39, 40 to 59, 60 to 69, 70 and older?
Uh, 21 to 39, did you say?
Yes.
Yeah, there.
Okay.
Um, would you ever consider buying a Japanese vehicle?
Please use the 1 to 10 scale, where 10 means you would definitely consider buying a Japanese vehicle at some time in the future,
and a 1 means you would never consider buying a Japanese vehicle.
Use any number in between.
The higher the number, the more likely you would consider buying a Japanese vehicle.
Um, isn't Toyota a Japanese vehicle?
Yes.
Okay, then I guess the answer would be 10.
Okay.
And, um, when you think of cars, minivans, or sport utility vehicles, what makes or manufacturers come to mind?
Toyota.
Okay.
And, for which makes or manufacturers of cars, minivans, or sport utility vehicles, have you seen, heard, or read any advertising for in the past months?
Um, Toyota.
Okay.
And, how familiar are you with the following automakes?
Are you very familiar, somewhat familiar, or not at all familiar with Volkswagen?
Um, I know of them, yes.
Would that be very familiar, somewhat familiar, or not at all familiar?
I guess somewhat familiar.
Okay.
Um, Ford.
Uh, somewhat familiar.
Nissan.
Somewhat familiar.
Honda.
Uh, somewhat familiar.
Pardon?
I'm sorry?
Well, Honda.
Honda, uh, somewhat familiar.
Toyota.
Very familiar.
Very, very, very, very familiar.
Okay.
Um, what is your overall impression of each make?
Please use a scale from 1 to 10.
Where 10 means you have a very favorable impression of that make,
and 1 means that your impression is very unfavorable,
and the other numbers represent levels in between.
Pick any number on the scale.
The higher the number means, the more favorable.
Um, Toyota?
Uh, 10?
Great.
Um, Volkswagen.
Oh, uh, how about a, uh, 7.63?
I can just take whole numbers.
Okay.
How about, let's round it up to 8.
Okay.
Um, Ford.
Um, can you take negative numbers?
Because Ford, like, really, really sucks.
Can you take, like, a negative 17?
No, the lowest I have is 1.
Uh, let's give it, no 0?
I can't give it a 0?
No 0.
Uh, let's give it a 1, then.
Okay.
Um, Hondas.
Hondas?
I'm going to give, uh, Hondas a 10 also.
Okay.
Nissan.
Um, let's go with, um, 8.
Um, when you purchase or lease a new car, minivan, or SUV at some point in the future, how likely are you to consider Nissan?
Would you definitely consider it, probably consider it, probably not consider it, or definitely not consider it?
Are you calling from Nissan?
No.
Who are you calling from again?
Um, Pacific Market Research.
Do you work for Nissan?
Are they hired out by Nissan to do this interview?
No.
I don't know the name of the client, and we don't know that, so that we're not biased in doing the survey.
Ah.
Um, how likely am I to buy Nissan?
Is that what the question was?
Yes.
Um, oh, since I just bought a Toyota, I'm not likely to buy anything, so I'm going to go with, uh, um, I don't know.
Let's just say 5 and play it safe.
Okay.
The choices are definitely consider, probably consider, probably not consider, or definitely not consider.
Oh, I, uh, was possibly consider, you said?
Yes.
Definitely consider, probably consider, probably not consider, or definitely not consider.
Um, probably not consider.
Okay.
So you're changing the scale.
Let's stick with the 1 to 10 thing.
Um, no, I, I have to do it the way the survey is written.
Okay.
Um, when you purchase or lease a new car, many, then, or SUV at some point in the future, how likely are you to consider Ford?
Would you definitely consider it, probably consider it, probably not consider it, or definitely not consider it?
Um, I, I defer back to my Negus 17.
Definitely, absolutely, unequivocally would not consider it.
Okay.
Um, how, how about Honda?
I'd definitely consider Honda.
Okay.
Um, Toyota?
Absolutely, definitely consider Toyota.
Um, Volkswagen?
Probably consider.
Okay.
Um, here's a list of attributes about auto manufacturers.
Please use a 1 to 10 scale where 1 means the attribute does not apply at all, and 10 means it applies perfectly for that auto manufacturer.
Let's start with, provide the pleasant dealer experience.
Okay.
Pick a number on the 1 to 10 scale to tell me how well that applies to Toyota.
Okay, before we go, how much, how long is this thing?
Um, it'll probably last about, um, 10 or 11 more minutes.
Good!
Glory Hoka Mocha!
Um, yeah, I'm, I'm kind of watching the baseball game right now, so, I guess we're going to have to stop here.
Okay, could we call back another time to complete the survey?
No, you kind of should have warned me that it was going to be a 15 or 20 minute deal.
Or pay me for my time, one or the other.
The Cubs are kicking ass right now, and I'm sorry, I just got to get back to the game.
But thank you very much for calling.
Okay, thank you.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh, that was fun.
Now, sometimes I get a call, and there's not even a live telemarketer on the other end.
It's just a computerized recording that just dials every number.
And usually when I get those calls, that's when I, you take my pathetic attempts at doing impersonations and funny voices.
Beep, beep, beep, beep.
Hello?
Hi there.
Are you frustrated about overpriced health insurance plans?
Yeah, yeah!
They had promised to do.
Yeah, right on!
There's a better plan out there, and we're going to tell you about it.
But if you already have good health insurance and don't want to hear about this program, please hang up now.
We don't want to bother you.
Oh, no, no, no!
Come back!
Come back, butthole!
A-rated, affordable, PPO health insurance plan, which allows you to go just about any doctor, and which doesn't go up in price.
Well, then please continue to listen.
This could be very important to you.
The plan has a small hospital deductible and low co-pays in the doctor's office.
In fact, sets important exams as prostate exams for men and pap smears for women are actually free.
Whoa!
I think I need a pap smear.
In addition, it covers prescriptions and dental, and it even takes people with some health problems.
Yeah, I have a health problem.
My butt has a crack in it.
I'm proud to offer this plan at prices lower than most other plans.
Beavis, shut up.
Okay, you're ready now.
Yeah, I'm ready.
Let's get it on.
Tell us your name and your telephone number.
Let's spell your name.
Name, telephone number.
Okay, go.
Uh, my name is Beavis.
Uh, B, E, um...
Ah, this is hard!
You suck!
You know, it's very rare that I actually make calls out.
It doesn't really do much for me.
I prefer to let them call me.
But, in a few circumstances, when I see the need, I'll make a few calls.
Like these.
Not in much hurry to answer.
Damn, they don't take this very seriously.
Hi, you've reached the Motion Picture Association Anti-Piracy Department.
Please leave your name and number, including area code, and we'll return your call as soon as possible.
If you need immediate assistance, please dial zero for the operator and ask for someone in the Anti-Piracy Department.
Thank you and have a good day.
I'll record your message at the tone.
When you're finished, hang up or stay on the line for further options.
Arr, mighty.
I be calling to tell you that I'm not appreciative of your Anti-Piracy commercials.
Pirates have been coming to this country along with everyone else trying to escape persecution.
And you are mounting a campaign against us.
I for one shall have none of it.
Good day.
Yeah, I was just calling to offer a suggestion because I'm very much against piracy.
I was just thinking it might be a possibility that at any time anybody purchases a DVD or something like that,
that what you could do is send like an armed guard or something along with them to follow them home
and make sure that they only watch it a limited number of times.
And when it expires, they just take control of it back and return it.
And then you can sell it again for the same amount of money and basically double, triple, even quadruple your profits.
And from the understanding of your website, it appears that, you know,
so many people go into making movies and piracy is putting them out of work.
I'm sure a lot of the stunt people and set workers and stuff like that could use that extra employment and extra money.
So that might be something you want to look into.
I just thought I'd call and give that suggestion.
Thank you very much for your time and keep up the wonderful, wonderful work.
Yes, hello.
I'm sorry I've never called before.
Frankly, I've never really had a reason.
But I felt the need to call because today I was out on my million-dollar yacht
and I was just sailing through the ocean minding my own business
when I found myself surrounded by this giant ship with cannons coming out of the side of it
and big sails and these skulls and crossbones.
And it was quite frightening, frankly.
And I didn't know what to do, so I turned over all the DVDs that I had in movies and handed them to them.
Please make it stop.
Make it go away.
Don't give me attitude, sir.
Yo, yo, yo.
You better back off.
I'm getting a little pissed here.
Get the fuck out of my face with that shit.
I don't remember asking you a goddamn thing.
Motherfucker.
This ain't none of your goddamn business.
Your ass ain't talking your way out of that shit.
Please, continue.
English, motherfucker!
Do you speak it?
Oh, you were finished.
Well, allow me to retort.
Shut the fuck up, fat man.
This is some fucked up repugnant shit.
Fuck you.
Shut the fuck up!
Yeah, who would win in a fight?
Pirates or ninjas?
Yeah, I'd like two orders of fish and chips, family size, and two large cokes.
Thank you.
Yeah, I'm a little confused.
I'm not really sure what you guys can do about this.
But I just found out that my privacy, I'm concerned, may have been violated.
I've noticed that these people have been hacking into my computer and getting my personal information.
And I believe there are people listening in on my phone calls.
And I find charges to my credit card made from other people.
And I think evil hackers have just taken over my identity and just taken away my privacy.
Now, I have a right to privacy.
So I called this pri-
Oh, wait a minute.
Oh, I'm sorry.
This is the piracy hotline.
Oh, you guys just suck.
Never mind.
Good morning.
How are you?
I want to ask you a bunch of questions.
And I want to have them answered immediately.
I'm a police officer.
Now, whatever your name is, get ready for the big surprise.
Trust me.
Just do what I tell you.
My mission is to protect you.
One of us is in deep trouble.
First, I would like to just get to know you.
Come on.
Don't bullshit me.
You son of a bitch.
You lack discipline.
You idiot.
Stop whining.
Stop it.
Yes, I am a consumer who owns approximately 300 or more DVDs that I have purchased legally
from the stores.
And I also just happen to be a fan of Hong Kong cinema and foreign cinema, Japanese anime
and films from other countries.
And I was just wondering what my legal rights were as far as being able to play them here
in the United States.
It's because you guys have put in all this fucked up region shit where I have to buy a player
from some other region just to watch their movies because of your fucking piracy overkill
bullshit.
So I was just wondering, is there anybody that protects the consumers, people like me, who
have a valid reason for wanting to find or buy or purchase or get copies of movies to
watch here in the United States region one because you have been raping the consumers
for years.
So I was wondering if maybe there was another line or someone you could have me talk to,
transfer me or something like that, so that I could do something about that.
I would appreciate it if somebody could possibly get their head out of their asshole and maybe
change their minds and rethink your whole structure instead of wasting millions of dollars
to put up an 800 number so that you can take piracy complaints as though you're losing
money in your multi-bazillion dollar industry.
Don't you realize that you're the biggest fucking pirates on the face of the planet Earth
and you've been raping us for years and now you dare to call us pirates and make a hotline
for it?
Fuck you and the pirate ship you floated in on.
And that about wraps it up for our first ever Binary Revolution, Telephonic Craptacular.
And for this occasion we have some special closing music.
This is a song by Spleen Harvest.
It's called Dialing It In.
And it was recorded using completely, using the TTY Telephone Ops.
So it's very appropriate closing music and I hope you enjoyed the show.
We will see you again next week, same hack time, same hack channel.
Hello, this is AT&T Internet Relay Service, the 84884 with the relay call.
Now I'm down in it.
Kind of like a cloud, I was up way up in the sky and I was feeling the feeling of what gleam.
Sometimes I don't believe in myself and I decided I was never coming down.
I was up above it.
Now I'm down in it.
I was up above it.
Now I'm down in it.
Well, shut up.
So what does it matter now?
I was swimming in the haze.
Now I crawl on the ground.
And everything I never liked about you is kind of seeping into me.
Try to laugh about it now.
But isn't it funny how everything works out?
I guess the joke's on me, she said.
I used to be so big and strong.
I used to know my right from wrong.
I used to never be afraid.
I used to be somebody.
I used to have something inside.
Now just this hole that's open wide.
I used to want it all.
I used to be somebody.
I was up above it.
Now I'm down in it.
I was up above it.
Now I'm down in it.
I was up above it.
Now I'm down in it.
I was up above it.
Now I'm down in it.
I was up above it.
Now I'm down in it.
Now I'm out above it.
Now I'm down in it.
Affirmative case.
Now I'm down in it.