"The Debunking of the Debunked": The Carolyn P. Meinel story In response to: AntiOnline News: Granny Hacker Visits Def Con - Part 3 July 1999 In a 16-foot wide 9-year old trailer park home in New Mexico, a 52-year old delusional woman sits in front of a computer toiling away on a non-technical "hacking" document fraught with errors. You might remember Carolyn P Meinel as 'The Happy Hacker' from such E-Files as "A Weekend Without My Zoloft" and the underground classic "Has Anyone Seen My Dignity?" Although some people would like to classify Carolyn as 'merely' delusional or talent-less, our research has added 'washed-up crackpot' and 'media charlatan.' Often we wonder how Carolyn has achieved so little over so much time, and with this brief interlude, we peel back the layers of the onion with an exclusive report from DefCon7. As it happened during the weekend of July 9th in Las Vegas, NV at the seventh installment of the DefCon Security Convention, it appears that Carolyn forgot her medicine. And these aren't simple antibiotics or histamine blockers (although she could probably use those too). No dear friends, these are powerful psycho-reactive mind-altering chemicals such as sertaline hydrochloride and diazepam. This woman has serious mental problems that require medication and treatment. We caught up with Carolyn in the hotel bar at the Alexis Park, this interviewer was participating in some lighthearted revelry with friends and cohorts, enjoying the ebb and flow of the convention we've come to know and love... Late into the night we had a great time recounting times past. As the night progressed, we moved the group out of the bar into the hotel foyer where our merriment was abruptly halted. The foul stench of insanity lingered in that part of the hotel, and it was instantly known to all that Carolyn was upon us. Initially, I found myself finding a good deal of humor with her attire, I pondered the drifter's corpse that she absconded her dress from, and focused on my mission at hand. The question on everyone's lips: "Is Virginia here this year?" However, before I could gather my senses, a whirlwind of stupidity was unleashed as Carolyn's disease attempted to spread to another mind. With her gaping maw open, she turned the boring-machine up to 11 and hosed down an unsuspecting convention-goer. With all that had happened, I was stunned. This was the heaviest blow of all. I could find no other recourse but to confront her on one of the numerous topics that burn in the scene. It was, at that time still unclear to me why she had misinformed the FBI that I was involved in HFG, and I decided to question her on that, in the hopes of two results. Intended result #1 was to shut her the fuck up for a minute. Intended result #2 was to get an explanation, apology, or at best a rationalization. However, as she turned to me with the vapid stare of ignorance, I knew no one could win this battle. No good would come from this conversation, and Carolyn made sure of that. Initially, Carolyn feigned stupidity (which was eerily convincing, but even the best lies are peppered with truth) and claimed she didn't know me. Having dealt with this woman numerous times (including a few *shudder* face-to-face meetings) and given she tried to implicate me within the ranks of HFG, the ruse lacked even humor, as the attempt was so weak. After a few hot comments were traded, Carolyn's attempt at throwing down the gauntlet was to challenge myself and my cohorts to 'hack' into her modified Linux box. Now, perhaps Carolyn misunderstands the way the new generation of hacker-types operate. First of all, we don't get out of bed for less than a hundred dollars. And we certainly don't waste our time breaking into a machine that serves no real purpose. Why Carolyn used her box in the capture the flag competition as a challenge is beyond us, as her personal website has been hacked more times than are worth counting. And honestly, at this point, who hasn't received a DCC offer of her mailbox or home directory tarred up? If that is not evidence of her inability to truly secure a box, then I don't know what is. Granted, she wished to rest on her insignificant laurels, and a subtle crack about using finger to break into her box was sufficient to diffuse that portion of the conversation. With her last karate-inept leg kicked out from underneath her, Carolyn attempted to leave with a modicum of respectability, which sadly slipped from her grasp due to her own failings and incompetence... The Granny Hacker from Heck? Hardly (except the older-than-dirt part). The Clown Princess? I suppose this is half true. Clowns are an amusing sort, accustomed to being ridiculed. But I think she missed the princess bit by about 30 years. The Happy Hacker? She didn't seem very happy to us. Especially with the aforementioned 3-part Antionline article that starts off attempting to be slightly informational, but ends up being nothing more than a diatribe of self-promotion and bitter remarks about convention goers. No Carolyn, you're not part of "the club". We're sorry, but you're too crazy, too medicated, too old, and too stupid. Also, Carolyn, you had more than a week between the end of DefCon and the posting of the Antionline article. The best insult you could come up with was to say I `pumped my muscles up with a bike pump`? I mean, what sort of 1940's street-tough book of insults are you consulting? Double dumbass on you Carolyn. Contrary to what she swears up and down, Carolyn Meinel is indeed a confidential informant for the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and her status is listed as "MI" and "PS". MI indicates that the informant suffers from a mental or emotional dysfunction, and all information must be scrutinized as such. PS means that she is a probable suspect. This is why the FBI polygraphed her. Do you trust her? Now, don't get us wrong. We actually like Carolyn Meinel. As Virii makers have a symbiotic relationship with companies that make Anti-Virii software, true hackers and their ilk have a symbiotic relationship with the uninformed vocal nay-sayers that try to misinform the public as to our actions. Without Carolyn, no one would know how great we really are. It is impossible to fully appreciate what `good` is when you have no frame of reference in understanding what `bad` is. For this, we can only thank you Carolyn. Your efforts and misinformation only further our roles as highly paid debunkers of your insanity. When you're 65 and retired, or possibly deceased -- we'll just be entering the prime of our lives and professional careers. If you're still around then and your descent into lunacy hasn't pushed you over the brink, look us up. We love clowns. And, by the way Carolyn, do send Virginia my love. "I'm old. Please don't make fun of me anymore". Mike D. Schiffman Kingcrab kamee p.s. For more great information, please see the Meinel Hall of Shame. EOF