David's Account
Blue Text : Tracey's Account
Black Text : David's Account
Will readers of this please take note that some of this account has been written by Tracey, as well as myself, so some of it may be out of context. Everything before June 1997, refers to Tracey's situation before we became a couple. We only got together in June 1997. Previous to that we were friends only.
Let me introduce myself and who I am.
I am the partner of an electronic harassment victim here in the UK. We have been together as a couple since June of 1997, but we knew each other as friends back in the 1980’s and early 1990’s when I was working in London, which is where we met.
I met Tracey in 1988, when I was working in London. I originate from Sheffield, which is in the North of England. Tracey is from London.
When we first met, I developed an immediate attraction to her. She is a warm, caring person and, as she was seeing someone else at the time, I kept my distance. However We developed a close friendship and have stayed in touch over the years.
When we first met Tracey was in a long term relationship, with a man that she had met, previously to me. I got to know him and found him to be a very clever and intelligent person. However, as it turned out he was a gambler and he had psychological problems. I didn’t know at the time, but Tracey was having a lot of problems with him. She ended up losing her career and her confidence. Emotionally tired and worn out, she split up with him in 1991.
Also around this time we lost touch. The following is what Tracey has told me:
The reason for the split with bob, her boyfriend was because Tracey’s sister, who is 16 years older than her got Tracey a job in a notorious pub in Dagenham, Essex called The Pipers. My friends had told me to avoid the place like the plague, because it was the hang out of all the local criminals etc. Bob had pleaded with Tracey not to go and work there, as he felt that something terrible would happen to her. However she needed the money, so she took the job, and she later ended the relationship with Bob, after 7 years. She was working round the clock and she felt that they weren’t making any progress. Bob was unstable and would not work at any price.
During this period Tracey’s older sister had introduced her to a man called Mark. At first Tracey turned him down, but after encouragement from her older sister, Tracey started seeing this Mark. Bear in mind that during this time Tracey and I were out of contact. I kept in touch with events through her nephew Alan, who was a friend of mine.
The next thing I knew was that towards the end of 1991 Tracey had got married to this Mark. On hearing the news from Alan I was horrified. Everything inside churned up and every instinct told me that Tracey was in danger. However because of the situation and the fact that I did not want to reveal my existence to him, I had no way of contacting her, to voice my concerns. I kept in touch with the situation through Alan, Tracey’s nephew.
I lost touch with everything briefly during new year 1991/92, because my father passed away and I was running up and down the motorway between Sheffield and London.
I returned to London in January 1992 and went back to my job. I again made contact with Tracey’s nephew Alan, to find out how she was getting on. My concern for her was becoming more urgent and Alan started to tell me things about the situation with her husband that were starting to confirm all my worse fears.
He told me that Tracey was subjected to mental and physical abuse by this man. He constantly put her down and demeaned her at every opportunity. Sometimes she couldn’t even go outside the door, without one of his mates as an escort. I told Alan that we had to get her away from him. At that time I just felt powerless. All I could think about was how to get Tracey out of this awful situation.
Anyway the year went on and I was starting to have problems with my job. My hours were being reduced, hence my standard of living as well. In about August of 1992, I decided to move in with Bob, Tracey’s ex. We were friends and he said he needed a lodger for the extra money. I agreed. My other motive was that doing this might make it possible to contact Tracey as well.
My instincts were proved right, because a few weeks after I moved into Bob’s there was a knock at the door one Saturday night. Bob opened the door and guess who it was, Tracey. I was relieved to see her at last, but we could see from the state she was in that she was having a hard time.
She was also about 8 and a half months pregnant. We brought her into the living room and sat her down. She looked ill and worn out.
Briefly, this is what she told us:
Her husband Mark had said to Tracey in a public place that “I could cut that baby out of your stomach”, or words to that effect. One of his mates said “It’ll pop out just in time for the spit”. I was horrified. This confirmed to me that quite innocently Tracey had got involved with some very nasty individuals.
Bob and I sat up and talked to Tracey all night and we pleaded with her to leave. I had a flat in Islington and I had already told Bob how I felt about Tracey. He told me to take her to my flat. I pleaded with her to come with me, but her confidence was low and she felt a sense of responsibility to the marriage, so against our advice she went back home. I was devastated.
Just after that in October of 1992, things weren’t going well with my job and my mother had also lost her job, during the summer, so I decided to return to Sheffield in the October of 1992.
However I was still in contact with Alan, Tracey’s nephew. I had also left my Sheffield Address and phone number with Tracey, that Saturday Night. I told her that if she needed me, to contact me without hesitation.
I began to build a life in Sheffield. I was living with my mum and two brothers, which I didn’t find easy, after being on my own for five years. I had a brief relationship with a girl in 1993, but that didn’t last long. I couldn’t stop thinking about Tracey. I didn’t stop worrying about her. However I was still in contact with Alan and in 1994 he told me that Tracey had left her husband and moved to Rugby, in Warwickshire, roughly 100 miles from London. Alan had also moved to Leamington Spa, the next town to Rugby. I was so relieved that I arranged with Alan to go down and see him, but my real reason was that it was a perfect excuse to see Tracey and her little boy. My feelings for her had never changed and Alan took me to see her. She had a lovely little cottage, with her son and was happy. She had begun a course at College and she seemed a lot better. I was frustrated however, because she had a room full of guests and I didn’t get the opportunity to tell her how I felt. We had a lovely day though and a good old chat and I returned to Sheffield in the evening. I told Tracey to keep in touch and that if she ever needed me, I was on the end of the phone.
I spoke to her on the phone a couple of times after that, but then suddenly the line went dead. I was worried because it wasn’t like Tracey, not to keep in contact with her friends. I had suspicions that the husband had turned up again and I was proved right. The following are events in 1995 and 1996, that Tracey has told me of since we have been together.
Towards the end of 1994 and through 1995 her husband turned up again. Tracey got rid of him after a few weeks, but not before he had attacked her son Joe. Tracey knew something was wrong, but Joe was so small that he didn’t verbalise very well. She had also been warned by John , one of her husband’s mates that someone was keeping an eye on her in Rugby. Just afterwards it is no co-incidence to me that she meets a different man called John, a mechanic who works not two doors away from Tracey’s Older sister’s ex husband. She was seeing him through the summer, but the relationship ended towards the end of 1995. John said that he was going back to his ex-girlfriend, but he said to Tracey “Can I contact you as a friend”. Tracey said Yes. There was no indication of his motives at this time.
Just after this Christmas was coming up and Tracey’s sister phoned and asked Tracey to go and get the presents. She was apprehensive because of what had already happened. She also knew that her older sister was still in contact with her husband. Her sister promises that he hasn’t been round for some time, so she goes to Dagenham for the presents. She stays overnight at her sister’s house and guess who turns up the next morning, Mark Tracey’s husband. Her sister lets him again and the contact is made again. Of course he asks to see his son. Tracey went back home to Rugby.
The next thing that happens is that Tracey gets a phone call from her sister to say that Mark is on his way up to see her. Bear in mind Tracey is 100 miles away. Guess who turns up 20 minutes later, Mark. He saw Joe and went the next day. Tracey avoided calls etc. for a while and then her sister phoned up and said to Tracey “Mark’s gone to look for a bungalow for you and Joe to stay in when you come and visit”. So the next time Mark phoned Tracey took the call, so instead of having him turn up unannounced, Tracey arranged to go down there and she arranged to go down to Dagenham. Tracey arranged for him to see Joe in a public place, so they met in a family social club. Joe was playing with some other children and he came over for his drink. He spilt it down him, so Tracey asked one of the women to keep an eye on Joe, while she went to the car for some clean clothes. She was gone for about 10 minutes.
When she came back she couldn’t see Joe or his father. A couple of minutes later he turned up with Joe. He said he had taken him to show him how to use the men’s toilets.
Joe was on his father’s shoulders. He seemed Ok until he put him on the floor. Joe then tried to drink every drink on the table and then he ran over to the step near the dance floor, sat down and flopped back. Tracey pulled him forward and his eyes looked odd. She sat him up and he did the same thing again and that night he had diarrohea. There was also an argument going on, which Tracey heard second hand. Something like “what are you doing waking your son up in the men’s toilets when he was asleep”.
Tracey left with her son and husband. She couldn’t drive because she had a drink. Her husband said he would pay for cabs. She stopped at her husband’s friend’s house. Joe had fallen asleep. Tracey couldn’t keep her eyes open and fell asleep as well, with Joe at her feet.
Tracey and Joe left the next day.
Two nights later, while Tracey was at Bob’s Joe went through the dream sequence. Then the following night he told Tracey what had happened.
Joe’s exact words were “His dad had taken him into the men’s toilets. He hit my head on the light bulb and it broke. It all went dark and the ceiling fell in. He saw Daddy’s scar and he put a knife down my throat (gesturing and pointing down the middle of his stomach). Joe also said I couldn’t walk and mummy was gone. He also said that daddy had locked the door. Bear in mind Joe was only 3 years old at the time.
Tracey, by now was absolutely frantic, what with the dream sequence and then her son telling her verbally.
It was obvious by now to Tracey, that Mark had abused their son.
She then decided to go to the police. Tracey told them everything. The police advised her that they didn’t have enough evidence to proceed. They advised Tracey to go into a refuge indefinitely. They advised Tracey that her only line of defence was to have no contact with her husband whatsoever, either legal or otherwise.
Tracey stayed in the refuge from February to July 1996.
She was re-housed in Rugby in July 1996. Also during this time John , who she had been seeing the previous year had been trying to contact her. She started seeing him again. He did all the flat for her. It seemed amazing to Tracey how quickly he got things done.
During the second time she was seeing John, he started saying things to her that she had said to her husband Mark. How did he know what Tracey had said to her husband, unless he either knew Mark, or she was bugged then. He also insinuated things to Tracey about kinky sex. It was also apparent that he knew the woman in the flat upstairs. It also became apparent, from things he said that he didn’t have much time for women in general.
He was also very cold towards Tracey’s son Joe. There was very little social interaction between him and Joe.
The relationship carried on until December 1996. On the last occasion Tracey had intercourse with him, he had been messing about in the bathroom for ages beforehand. During intercourse he hurt Tracey, which was like a nerve being touched inside. She said it really hurt. At the end he said to her “Just ripe for the Picking”. He had obviously done something to her during sex.
The next day Tracey finished with him. She spent Christmas with her elderly parents.
New year was uneventful. She had some friends down from London. Tracey was having a nervous feeling like there was something wrong, but she couldn’t put her finger on it.
Then towards the end of January 1997, all hell broke loose. See the list of symptoms below. (The I in the first bit refers to Tracey, as she wrote the list. The second bit was written by me.
Summary of Main Symptoms
· Deep burning sensation in ears
· High pitched tone in ears
· Hot and cold painful sensation of movement under skin as if running through veins
· Feeling of sun burn or as if skin had been rubbed with abrasive from yolk of neck to lower jaw bone
· Patchy feeling of heat in organ areas of body (which passed)
· uncomfortable feeling behind eyes. Eyes became blood shot.
· Blood present in saliva
· General feeling of trembling within body (not visible)
· Feeling of pain in head (as if I had a pulsating septic infection) accompanied by head sweats
· Movement and irritation especially around ear area and base of skull
· Disturbance of sleep and dream patterns e.g. dreams of extreme happiness
· Feelings of sedation (when going into sleep and on awakening)
· Sensation of fluid pressing on inside of skull to the extent of cracking sound in head
· and visual disturbance as though pressure on eyes
· Strong gripping feeling from back of skull to middle of top accompanied by severe stinging feeling often accompanied by head sweats and vomiting
· instantaneous sleep situations where one minute I was awake the next I was asleep
· Extreme pain in temples accompanied by a steaming feeling coming from head that made me feel temporarily irritable.
· MOST RECENTLY
· Previous symptoms have disappeared or at least eased since moving home.
· Tiredness rundown feeling of exhaustion
· Irregular heart beat (which has now virtually stopped)
· Back pains (in Kidney areas)
· Bladder problems sometimes difficulty in passing urine
· Bowel problems (feelings of contraction on emptying bowels similar to labour pains)
· Occasionally visual disturbances not nearly as severe as before
· Although under skin sensation ceased in March. Still have a slight warm moving feeling under skin and often, pins and needles in the limbs.
· Constantly from January to present a hum or tone in ears that has ranged from very strong to very low but always present except for a few hours in March (see main schedule) Tracey.htm
Tracey’s problems began at the end of January 1997. At this point I had no idea what was going on because I hadn’t spoken to her since 1995. Everything in this letter, is my own interpretation of events plus what Tracey has told me to fill in the gaps.
Please look at the passage below for a summary of events from January 1997 onwards:
This passage was written by Tracey, so the I refers to her.
Statement of Symptoms from February 1997 - Present
January to February 1997
Deep burning in ears accompanied by a high pitched tone
Rumbling feeling all over my body, then a feeling of hot and cold running under the skin as if a burning prickling substance was going through my veins. It was very difficult to sleep. Tried to get an appointment at doctors but had to wait three weeks. These feelings were extremely alarming.
I Visited a friend and she phoned the doctor. He prescribed Seroxat anti-depressants over the phone. I picked them up the next morning, not really understanding why he would prescribe anti-depressants to me. I took the first tablet which made me extremely ill and unable to function, I was vomiting and had hot and cold sweats.
I then started to feel a burning feeling inside my body in the organs area as if patches of me had an irritant attacking my organs. I still had the hot and cold running under the skin.
Then a feeling of either sun burn or as if I had rubbed my skin with sand paper from the yolk of the neck, up to my jaw bone.
I went to the doctors she asked me if I had taken the anti-depressants and I told her the situation she told me to come back in two weeks time.
March 1997
My mum who is elderly thought that I needed a break and that maybe this was a nervous condition.
I assured her that it wasn’t but she could not understand that the doctors would be so casual about something serious, so she advised me to go and stay with relatives in Scotland.
So Joe and I went to Scotland. My relatives welcomed me with open arms, they could see that I was extremely uncomfortable and concerned. They advised me to go to their doctor, which I did.
On awaiting the results they decided it was best I went back to Rugby, so I returned after a few weeks.
On returning to Rugby I started to get aches behind the eyes and one afternoon My eyes became bloodshot and there was blood in my saliva. This was accompanied by the sunburn, sharp hot and cold through my veins and general rumbling feeling within. I decided to go to the hospital so we went to Walsgrave in Coventry. They seemed concerned. A doctor asked me my symptoms and then he got the Registrar. who examined me quickly with a stethoscope all over my body tested my reflexes asked me if I had any bladder trouble and then examined my eyes on examining my eyes he told me to go back to my doctor.
I made an appointment and went to the doctors and saw the Doctor . Immediately he said to me “How’s this depression coming along”. I assured him this was not depression and asked for a referral to a Neurologist. He said “This was not appropriate” and asked me if I wanted more anti-depressants. I said “No” and left.
My sister Kathleen , visited my mum’s. By now I was staying with my parents most of the time. I was concerned that I might collapse at home and that Joe would be on his own.
Kathleen phoned the doctors and made an tried to make an appointment for me to see a psychiatrist but they said it was a three week wait. She then tried to make an appointment for me to see a private psychiatrist, they told her they needed my notes from the doctor before they would give me an appointment. She then said to me that I needed a Neurologist, I told her I had tried to get a referral and had been refused.
I had made an appointment to have general tests done at Coventry and Warwick Gyno-urinary Clinic and was due to go the next day.
Kathleen came with me for the tests. I had a range of blood tests including HIV, but I did not have a smear test and while we awaited the results we went shopping . Kathleen became very perturbed. She said to me “why didn’t you move away from all of us”, then she said “you should have gone to the hospital” then she said “if you have to go into a psychiatric unit your going” so I said "no I’m not” so she said “yes you are it will only be for a few weeks” then she brought up the subject of divorce and said to me “you can’t divorce Mark can you” so I said “no not if I want to stay hidden” so she said “but he can divorce you can’t he?" so I said "yes" but he has got to find me first.
Nothing more was said about this but it stirred anxiety in me. Her whole attitude was wrong and she seemed very hard.
All the test results were clear.
Kathleen went home the next day.
I went to see the doctor again and he again asked me how my depression was coming along. He then told me I had migraine and booked an appointment for me to see the psychiatric nurse.
I went to see the psychiatric nurse who just listened.
Then I started to get a feeling of pins and needles down my spine. I had a feeling of pulsating pain in my head and a movement around the base of my skull this went in stages from mild to extremely servere pain I can only liken it to a severely septic boil inside my head that got bigger then burst which then gave me a sense of movement in my skull and every time this sequence was repeated it became more and more severe. I started to get severe pain at the base of my skull, like a burrowing feeling, as if something was getting deeper and deeper into the occipital area of my neck.
I rang a friend Michelle, who lived in Dagenham. Because my dad's car needed repairing and I couldn’t use it for long distances. I felt I needed some moral support. I was extremely frightened and it felt as if I was in mortal danger. I was not sleeping and this was in turn worrying my parents who are both in their 70’s. I have very few friends in Rugby and really felt as though I needed someone who was alert and could look at my situation objectively. My friends were on a low income and I told them that if they could borrow the money for petrol I would repay them. Their car also needed attention, but they said they would come and get me. So the next night they took me and Joe back to Dagenham. The next night I went to Oldchurch hospital. I was accompanied by Michelle’s husband Mark. We waited in Casualty. Eventually I was seen. I explained my symptoms and the doctor told me to go home and look after my child. He also asked me if this had been investigated. I said no. He did not examine me.
I visited another friend Bob. He told me that if I didn’t move from Rugby now, my sister would be taking Joe to see his dad and that he was willing to exchange with me and I was to do this right away. His girlfriend Heather backed him up. He gave me his doctors address and name and told me to register as a temporary resident. He also told me to get a thorough check up with tests including HIV and a smear test.
He also said to me that if nothing was done about this by Wednesday that I should go to the Newspapers. This was a Monday.
On the Tuesday I tried to make an appointment for a smear test but everywhere was booked up. I spoke to Alan on the phone, He also advised me to have a smear test. I explained the situation and he said where haven’t you tried. I told him Upney was the only place I hadn’t phoned. So he said try and make an appointment tomorrow.
Then I phoned my nephew who was at work. He again told me to get a smear test. I told him I’d tried. He said where hadn’t I tried and I said Upney Hospital, and he said try again tomorrow. Bob had given me his ex-girlfriends Medical card and Birth Certificate and told me to use them. But I didn’t understand why. I phoned and got an appointment at Upney. They asked me if I had already got records there. I had but they were 2 to 3 years old. Any way I made an appointment in my first name.
I had very little money and had given Mark (not my husband) the petrol money to run me home, so I didn’t have the money to get there. I also didn’t want to take Joe. He is lively and I felt best he stayed with someone, but everyone was busy and unable to look after him. I asked Michelle if Mark would run me but she didn’t seem too enthusiastic about this. I didn’t get to the appointment. I phoned Alan My nephew again. He was alarmed and said “Trace you’ve got to go. it’s all right until it gets to the brain, Its in your cervix”. He had previously told me he was going to ask a friend of his who is a nurse about my symptoms.
On the Wednesday I made another appointment. This was for the following Tuesday morning.
Wednesday evening I couldn’t sleep. and had bad pains in my pelvic area. I still had the previous symptoms. I then felt a rush of what I can only describe as fluid running into my skull and a cracking sound as if pressure was being applied to the inside of my head.
Michelle and Mark were asleep. I went upstairs and told Michelle that I was going to phone a cab to take me to the hospital and asked her to look after Joe for me. I had received my Income Support benefit so I had the money for the cab.
When I got to the hospital. the doctor asked me if this had been investigated. I said no. He examined my eyes and said he was going to x-ray me. He went away and I heard him say to another doctor that he was going to use the phone. I waited and waited but he did not return. He also took some blood tests.
A kindly nurse came into my cubicle and offered me a tablet. I looked at the bottle it was Codeine Phosphate. I took this and she went away. Within twenty minutes it had worked and I felt a lot better although I still had the pressure and visual disturbance. I was thirsty and I decided to go and get a cup of coffee from the vending machine. On my return to the cubicle there was someone else occupying it. The doctor who had seen me on my previous visit was in the reception area, so I asked him where the doctor was that was dealing with me. He attracted the doctors attention for me and he said I’m sorry but the blood tests have not come back yet. I asked if I was going to be x-rayed and he said we will have to see. I had been there for at least three hours and it was now getting light.
I left the hospital. I told my friends what had happened and they seemed bewildered.
At about eleven o’clock the next day the sensation of fluid left my head as suddenly as it had come.
Bob had said to me that there was someone he wanted me to talk to.
I think it was on the following Monday that I saw a Psychiatric nurse by the name of Phil. He talked to me for a while and asked me a few questions. I told him my symptoms and he said “this is not a psychiatric condition, this is definitely a physical condition . He took my doctors name and address and advised me to have a thorough check up and that if I was not satisfied I was to go to the BMA, the British Medical Association. He then advised me to go home and look after my child. This was the second time I had been advised to do this and I find this odd. Joe was always well looked after and although I felt this was not a slur on my parenting it still concerned me.
I then contacted Barking and Dagenham Child Protection Team, and made an appointment with Sharon. For the Tuesday.
I was stopped from going to the police. On the Tuesday morning I was told that Mark could not deal with Joe’s activeness and they made arrangements to run me home in the afternoon, but my niece Alison visited Michelle’s house a bit later that morning and advised them to run me back in the morning rather than in the afternoon. I tried to find somewhere else to stay in Dagenham and was going to ask my sister if I could stay there, but previously I had been advised by family and friends to stay away from her and I thought this was wise, as I was under the impression that she still had contact with my husband Mark.
So I was taken home Tuesday morning before I could attend the meeting with the Child Protection Team (CPT) .
I constantly phoned the CPT., but neither Sharon or Chris Robson were ever available, so I left message after message for them to contact me in Rugby. They never did.
I made an appointment at Coventry and Warwick Gyno-urinary Clinic, to have a smear test.
After attending the appointment I felt a lot better. The running under the skin stopped and my body felt at peace for the first time since January. I was so relieved. I phoned Bob from the hospital and told him. He asked me to phone him again when I got in. When I got to my parents house I told my mum I felt a lot better and said I was going to go home that night. My Aunt Bett was up from Dagenham and said to me “ I shouldn’t speak too soon if I were you stay here tonight. I then phoned Bob to tell him I was home and that I still felt a lot better.
I fell asleep in the afternoon and awoke with a radiating feeling of pins and needles coming from my pelvic area. It had returned.
It seemed somehow different the pins and needles were not so severe, but seemed more centred on my head. The peace was over. I felt total and utter dismay.
Perhaps it was the anaesthetic the nurse had used on my cervix that had numbed the condition. I later found out that no anaesthetic is used during a smear test.
My mum became very concerned and suggested I go to the hospital in Rugby St. Cross.
On seeing the doctor he asked me whether this had been investigated I said no. also asked me if I was working and I said no not now but I used to do secretarial work he then asked me where and I told him omitting the MOD.
He then asked me for my doctors phone number as he wanted me to be referred to the hospital. He phoned them while myself and my mum were there, requesting that I be referred, My doctor was not there so he left a message with the receptionist for me to be referred, she said she would deal with this. He then gave me a prescription for Remedeine pain killers. This was the first time anyone had prescribed me pain killers. We left the hospital.
I was never referred.
I made an appointment to see doctor Illing.
On attending the appointment he didn’t ask me about my depression to my relief. But showed me the computer screen and read out loud the contents. It sounded like an account of someone with a psychiatric disorder. He then went on to say that he didn’t think it was migraine, I by now felt that this condition could render me or appear to render me incapable of looking after my son and that the two statements that had been said to me by the doctor in Oldchurch and the Psychiatric nurse were said for my own good. I said to doctor Illing “I have a 4 year old child”. Trying to make him understand my situation. Although I half realised he already knew how damaging and how concerned I was about the whole thing. That was why he was showing me the information on the screen.
He prescribed me sleeping tablets to help me sleep and beta blockers for the other problem, as he said and told me to take the pain killers St. Cross Hospital had prescribed me which were Remedene.
April 1997
I took the beta blockers which made my head feel solid and occasionally I took the Remedene which were very affective and gave me a euphoric feeling but I did not take the sleeping tablets. I discovered that Remedene and Trimazipan sleeping tablets were both Narcotic based and I was a bit reluctant to take them together.
Within a few days I started having bladder problems and my heart started to miss beats I stopped taking the Remedene. I now realise that maybe I should have taken all of the tablets and that doctor Illing was trying to help me. But at the time I could not see that wood for the trees, using general logic and assuming that it was not advisable to take two narcotics at once.
Previous to this I had spoken to my Foster sister, who is a practising Gynaecologist about my condition and explained to her that I had been advised to see a Neurologist and that I could not get a referral. I had spoken to both my foster sister and her mum about this.Her mum, said that she knew of a private doctor who I could see and that might give me a private referral. So I went down to North London to see the private doctor. He gave me a referral. He also asked me what medication I was taking , so I told him. He strongly advised me to stop taking the beta-blockers and said they are for high blood pressure.
The appointment was for a few days ahead .
My foster sister's mum said that I could stay at her house and wait for the results of my tests.
On the day my mum decided she would like to come with me so we arranged for Joe to be looked after and she came to the appointment at Euston with me. The doctor took some tests. I did not stay in North London with my foster sister's mum because it would mean my mum would have to travel back to Rugby alone and although she said my mum could stay as well she didn’t because it would have meant leaving my father alone over night and she felt this was not advisable.
So we went back to Rugby.
I waited and waited for the results but they did not come.
I kept in constant contact with my foster sister's mum as the results were supposed to go to her house.
She advised me to go back to Dagenham and visit some friends that I trusted for a few days and to leave Joe with my Mum. But my mum felt that Joe needed me with him. I had mixed feelings about this as I half felt that it was necessary for me to be on my own when travelling to Dagenham but it was also important that Joe felt as secure as possible and although he was happy with my mum and dad. On previous occasions he had asked when I was coming back and this worried my mum.
Joe was also due to start Nursery School and I felt I was in a dilemma I had noticed that the condition seemed to get worse when I was in Rugby and instinct told me to stay away as much as possible but this was not conducive to good parenting and I did not know what to do other than move.
Joe was enrolled at a very good school and I generally liked Rugby. I had originally moved there to give Joe a better environment and to be nearer my mum and dad, but I could not help feeling that something was not right and that I perhaps should move.
So I took Joe with me and stayed at a friends house. I met Liz in the Women’s Refuge in Harlow (see previous notes).
My foster sister's mum had advised me to let her know where I would be staying in Dagenham so that if my results came through she could phone me.
I phoned her and told her Liz’s number. She said she would phone me later. I had to go out and Liz told me she would be going out and that she would not be back until late. So I missed her call and Liz was reluctant for me to stay the next night so I went to Bobs. I phoned and told her I was now staying at Bobs. By now Bob had had his phone disconnected so I couldn’t leave a phone number for her to ring me back. I eventually stayed at Bob's Girlfriend's House. I had previously become very good friends with her and her daughter . I phoned my foster sister's mum the next morning to tell her what had happened. It seemed I was being pushed from pillar to post. She explained that she was working the next day and that Joe had to go to school.
I returned to Rugby.
Somehow I feel that if I had been able to stay in Dagenham longer I might have got the treatment I needed.
The symptoms carried on. I started to get gripping feelings in the head that gave me hot sweats and brought saliva to my mouth. The movement in my head ceased when I had the smear test in March but the other symptoms returned. The running under the skin less servere and the movement replaced by the gripping sensations and extreme visual disturbances changing from day to day accompanied by pains which appeared to be coming from sometimes behind my nose and other times from the Centre of my brain., but again logic tells me these pains cannot be correct and I am aware that there are no pain sensory cells in the brain, therefore no pain can be felt in this area.
I made one more visit to St Cross and waited and waited with my mum but ended up leaving unseen.
I had had extreme visual disturbance and pain which had alarmed me and made me feel that my vision was split.
I did not go back to the doctor.
May 1997
General visual disturbance sometimes pleasant and sometimes horrific.
Between February and April I had lost a stone and a half in weight and I was still loosing it.
The situation was taking its toll on both my mum and dad.
Joe was aware that something was wrong and became very clingy.
My whole life had been turned upside down . I could not sleep because of the symptoms.
They seemed to come in stages and then start again but felt deeper.
June 1997
I had put in for an exchange to Daventry which is twelve miles from Rugby and I felt that it would be possible to keep Joe at the same school.
Soon after this the symptoms got worse..
Michelle and Mark advised me to move to Dagenham. They thought that I would be better with friends around. I considered this and even looked at a house but felt It was too dangerous for Joe and that he would be nearer Mark my husband. I did nearly sign for a property in Chadwell Heath near to Dagenham, but became very ill and decided not to do this.
On returning to Rugby after this event, I had excruciating pain in my temples which made me feel very irritable and ill and my vision was whitened out on either side of my eyes.
This really took all my energy and I felt I had to do something. So I decided I was definitely going to move and phoned David who I had known for nine years. He lived in Sheffield and had done so for the last five years. I had often thought of phoning him, but felt uncomfortable about getting him involved. I left both my mum's phone number with him and my mobile number.
I decided to visit a friend in Colchester Gigi who I also met in the refuge.
While I was in Colchester David phoned me and he arranged to meet me in Colchester.
I accompanied David back to Colchester. He was very concerned for me. He told me he had been worrying about me for a long time. We had lost touch when I went into the Refuge and this concerned him greatly. He was aware of certain things that had gone on in the past which had alarmed him. He also told me that he had the utmost respect for me as a person and that I had always meant a lot to him.
He told me he had always loved me and that he wanted us to live as a family.
We now have our own place to live and feel happy together.
The illness is less in my head now and has weakened. I am currently getting aches and pains in my Kidneys and sometimes have bladder and bowel trouble. Occasionally my vision is affected but not nearly as severely as in Rugby.
The passage below was written by me.
CURRENT SYMPTOMS
· She is nearly passing out when moving her bowels. She sometimes bleeds from the front as well. The Gyneacologist here will not even acknowledge this fact, despite our pointing it out on several occasions.
· She recently had an endometriosis operation and was prescribed danazol, a male hormone. She has expressed concern as regards the side effects i.e. developing male characteristics. We therefore turned this treatment down.
· Since the operation the bowel problem has become worse. She has also complained about a lot of tension in her eyes and temples and aching behind her nose.
· She also has a feeling of pain that rises and falls, mainly on her left hand side, which makes her tender to the touch and which makes her feel as though she has a rigid feeling up through her body and through her neck and a very heavy feeling in her head and behind the eyes.
· She feels that the problem is in the vaginal area, not the bowels and pressure is on the uterus/cervix area, causing the pain.
· We both have pain during intercourse and I have become sore on several occasions. The gynaecologist here will not acknowledge this either.
We would both be grateful, if you could provide an explanation of what is going on, because we are both concerned.
The neurologist we have seen has prescribed her clonazepam. This has also been of great concern to us because of it’s side effects. Whenever we ask any questions, we cannot get any straight answers. We would appreciate it if we could get some now. We have a 5 year old son and this condition is affecting him as well. We both need his mother to be fit, well and happy, but while she is having these problems, a normal family life is impossible for us.
It is also odd that during the course of all this that she has not been examined, except by the GP and the first visit to the gynaecologist. They will not admit that anything is wrong. We know there is. Please shed some light on this please.
Other problems Tracey and I have had are:
Tremendous difficulty in obtaining the state benefits that we are entitled to. it took us 6 months to obtain our housing benefit.
She has been unable to get any legal, or any help from authorities whatsoever.
The symptoms seem to get worse on high ground. At the moment we are living on low ground in a block of maisonnettes and the area is well shielded. She does not get much harassment here, but she suffers from fatigue and tension in the eye and temple areas. However the symptoms are not nearly as severe as they were in the Midlands.
We also have problems with Joe sleeping and going to the toilet. He is now 5, but he is terrified of going upstairs to the toilet on his own and we cannot get him to bed on his own. he is absolutely terrified. Either myself or Tracey must be with him. He also has “asthma”, but I think there is something else going on. I am currently having this investigated.
I am a non-victim, but I believe in Tracey and have been with her since June 1997. I have witnessed some of the pain and suffering first hand. I have also known her for a very long time and I know she does not lie. She is the most decent and honourable young lady that I have ever met. I would stake my life and reputation on it.
My reasons for going into so much detail are clear. I want readers to be clear about the situation Tracey is in and the kind of low life that have put her in this situation. As a decent citizen and member of the human race and, as her partner. I will not let this farce carry on un-challenged.
As you can see the most disturbing thing about Tracey’s case is that she is being harassed by way of an implant(s) in the cervical area, that was put there during intercourse, with her previous partner. I myself have felt the thing during intercourse.
I would recommend that any UK victims of this heinous technology, contact me via e-mail. The addresses are on the home page.
As you can see the more people that come forward, the more chance we have of exposing this crime against humanity, to the general public. Any informed person will know that technology crime is starting to become a major problem and it is time the authorities began to face up to it, instead of sweeping it under the carpet and labelling the victims as psychiatric cases. The more this practice continues, the more the real criminals are getting away with torture, slander and possibly the ultimate murder of innocent people.
I urge all readers to make a noise about this. Write to the BMA, women's groups, the press, radio and TV and anyone else who will listen. Make your stories concise and to the point. Stick to the facts only. Busy people don't want to read long testimonies. Save that for the authorities.
All names in this account have been changed for legal reasons.