New York Times Writer

Baghdad, 1 Aug 07: “Reading the New York Times on the net, I see an op ed piece by O'Hanlon and Pollack from the Brookings people. They say we are winning the war. I and my friends laughed for some time about this. We call this the Greater Fool Game.

Bush's Moronic Surge

I suppose that by now, everyone has heard about how Bush’s moronic ‘surge’ is a huge success and that the generals here are ‘stunningly optimistic’ and, even funnier, that the soldier’s ‘morale is booming as never before.’ You all should know that we have on call here in Baghdad, selected groups of friendly, white, photogenic young fellows who are kept on tap, and all dressed in nice neat combat uniforms, to entertain idiot journalists and visiting big wigs like the really air-headed McCain and others like that when they come over to the New Democratic Paradise to View the Real Picture.

PR Monkeys

These PR monkeys are the same ones who were writing silly pieces to various U.S. newspapers, purporting to come from local boys stationed  in Iraq and raving about how the war was being won and how much the Iraqis just loved us. The Seattle Post-Intelligencer exposed that one. Soldiers from, let’s say, Des Moines, were called in, handed a fictional press release, ordered to sign it and warned to keep quiet about it. Finally, it was decided that this might eventually present a risk of exposure so a Lieutenant friend of mine just copied their signatures onto the forms.

This Was A Car Bomb

Listen, the ‘surge’ is a total failure. The local civil war is raging all around us, every fucking day huge car bombs obliterate half a neighborhood, the rag heads are killing people inside the Green Zone on a daily basis what with deadly long-range sniping and mortar attacks, drug use by everybody is rampant, no one wants to go outside the Green Zone in any kind of a street vehicle, tacked- on useless armor or not, because the newer generation of road bombs have been known to blow up a tank and knock it onto its side.

Who Is Providing The Sophisticated Equipment

 The enemy is now using heat-seeking rockets (‘from Iran’ the White House Goebbels Department  screeches, but they are from Saudi Arabia instead and our intelligence people are well aware of this) and are nailing choppers full of men on a daily basis (six last week with thirty-two dead) and I know you never get a single word of this Stateside. Only if one blows up in front of the few foreign reporters still allowed here is anything said. 

Sometimes Accidents Happen

And foreign journalists, or even our own, dare not step over the line or they are shot “by accident” by two nasty special units, kept around to get rid of potential problem people. No man, no problem. And the Pentagon sends out a mass printed Xeroxed letter with

Clowns At The Brookings Institute

Believe me, the resistance people are not winning….no dear hearts from the Brookings, they have won. We all know we have to be pulled out of here. A hundred and fifty thousand of us and twenty five million of them are not good odds.

 

General Petreaus's Israeli Pets

We’re all trying to find a legit way of getting out before the other side has a surge of its own and kills everything living inside the Green Zone, including the CG’s pet sheep. And, we pray to God, all the Israeli military and intelligence rats infesting this unholy place.

Typical Brookings Institute Writer

And when you read unadulterated shit like the Brookings fairy tales, keep your tongue in your cheek. And if either of these two stooges ever leave Brookings, they can write children’s books about Fuzzy the Rat or do speeches for Pat Robertson or Randy Rudy, the 911 Hero (Another joke here). “