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From: "Its from Onion" <areda..._at_msn.com>
Subject: THIS IS NOT A INVITE, JUST THE RULES SHOULD YOU GET INVITED
Date: Tue, 23 Nov 2010 17:25:22 -0600
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TEN RULES FOR=20
THANKSGIVING DINNER=20
AT OUR HOUSE.=20
=20
=20
1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food.=20
Who made the potato salad?=20
Is there egg in it?=20
Are the greens fresh?=20
Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork?=20
Who made the macaroni and cheese?=20
What kind of pie is that?=20
Who made it?"=20
Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out=
all your front teeth so you won't be able to eat anything.=20
=20
2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your butt down until so=
meone makes your plate for you.=20
Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them =
pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.=20
=20
3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little bu=
tts to the basement and bring their food down to them.=20
They are not going to tear my house up this year. Tell them that they =
are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start tellin=
g
family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for=
any reason except that they are bleeding to death, I will tear their butt=
s up=20
and you better not ask why!=20
=20
4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner!=20
JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old da=
ughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. T=
he=20
time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking afte=
r that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lip=
s and=20
they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.=20
=20
5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds!=20
If you don't, you will be asked to stay your greedy butt home next yea=
r!=20
=20
6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!!=20
Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware k=
nowing that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring an=
ything=20
over, don't let me catch you making a plate period. And why are you ma=
king plates before you eat? You never bring a dish or offer a dime do you?=
=20
=20
7. What you came with is what you should leave with!!=20
Do not leave my house with anything that doesn't belong to you.=20
EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY=
DOMAIN!!!=20
=20
8. Do not leave your kids so you can go Christmas shopping at the mall. =
=20
This is not a DAYCARE CENTER! There will be a kid-parent roll call eve=
ry ten minutes.=20
If there is any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, y=
our child will be put outside until you come =20
and get him or her. After 24 hours, I will call DHR!=20
=20
9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!!=20
There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat di=
nner and go home or to your hotel room. =20
EVERYBODY GETS KICKED OUT AT 11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warnin=
g.=20
=20
10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!!=20
This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until =
Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate.=20
Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you=
leave. There will be a cash register at the door.=20
Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy family, we now have a credit ca=
rd machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being accepted.=20
NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET.=20
=20
Ya=92ll all have a real nice Thanksgiving now. Ya hear?=20
=20
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<STYLE></STYLE>
<META name=3DGENERATOR content=3D"MSHTML 8.00.6001.18975"></HEAD>
<BODY=20
style=3D"BORDER-BOTTOM-STYLE: none; BORDER-RIGHT-STYLE: none; FONT-STYLE: n=
ormal; PADDING-LEFT: 10px; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; BORDER-TOP-STYLE: none; CO=
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<DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana><B>TEN RU=
LES FOR=20
</B><FONT size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana><B>THANKS=
GIVING DINNER=20
</B><FONT size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana><B>AT OUR=
=20
HOUSE. </B><FONT size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana><B> =
</B><FONT=20
size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana> <FON=
T size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana><B> 1.=
Don't get in=20
line asking questions about the food. </B><FONT size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> Who made th=
e=20
potato salad? <FONT size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> Is there eg=
g in=20
it? <FONT size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> Are the gre=
ens=20
fresh? <FONT size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> Is the meat=
in the=20
greens turkey or pork? <FONT size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> Who made th=
e=20
macaroni and cheese? <FONT size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> What kind o=
f pie=20
is that? <FONT size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> Who made it=
?"=20
<FONT size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> Ask one more question and I will=20
punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your front teeth so you won=
't be=20
able to eat anything. <FONT size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DI=
V>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana> <FON=
T size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana><B>2. If yo=
u can't walk=20
or are missing any limbs, sit your butt down until someone makes your=
=20
plate for you. </B><FONT size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> Dinner time is not the time for you =
to=20
be independent. Nibble on them pecans and walnuts to hold you over un=
til=20
someone makes you a plate. <FONT size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT=
></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana> <FON=
T size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana><B>3. If yo=
u have kids=20
under the age of twelve, I will escort their little butts to the base=
ment=20
and bring their food down to them. </B><FONT size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> They are not going to tear my house=
=20
up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's=
time=20
for Uncle Butchie to start telling</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> family stories about their momm=
as and=20
papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except that they are blee=
ding=20
to death, I will tear their butts up </FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> and you better not ask why! <FONT si=
ze=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana> <FON=
T size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana><B>4. There=
is going to=20
be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! </B></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> JUST ONE! We do not care that you ar=
e=20
thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby =
or=20
your nephew just got out of jail. The </FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> time limit for the prayer is o=
ne=20
minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you wil=
l=20
feel something hard come across your lips and </FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> they will be swollen for=20
approximately 20 minutes. <FONT size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana> <FON=
T size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana><B>5. Finis=
h everything=20
on your plate before you go up for seconds! </B><FONT size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> If you don't, you will be asked to=
=20
stay your greedy butt home next year! <FONT size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana> <FON=
T size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana><B>6. BRING=
YOUR=20
OWN TUPPERWARE!! </B><FONT size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV=
>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> Don't let me catch you fixing yourse=
lf=20
a plate in my good Tupperware knowing that I will never see it again!=
=20
Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything </FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> over, don't let me catch you making =
a plate=20
period. And why are you making plates before you eat? You never bring=
a=20
dish or offer a dime do you? <FONT size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FO=
NT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana> <FON=
T size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana><B>7. What =
you came with=20
is what you should leave with!! </B><FONT size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> Do not leave my house with anything=
=20
that doesn't belong to you. </FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BOD=
Y=20
SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!! <FONT size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana> <FON=
T size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana><B>8. Do no=
t leave your=20
kids so you can go Christmas shopping at the mall. </B> <FONT s=
ize=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> This is not a DAYCARE CENTER! There=
=20
will be a kid-parent roll call every ten minutes. </FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> If there is any parent that is not&n=
bsp;=20
present at the time of roll call, your child will be put outside until you=
=20
come </FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> and get him or her. After 24 h=
ours, I=20
will call DHR! <FONT size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana> <FON=
T size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana><B>9. BOOK =
YOUR HOTEL=20
ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! </B><FONT size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> There will be no sleeping over at my=
=20
house! You are to come and eat dinner and go home or to your hotel room.&nb=
sp;=20
</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> EVERYBODY GETS KICKED OUT AT 11:00 p=
m. You=20
will get a 15 minute warning. <FONT size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana> <FON=
T size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana><B>10. Last=
but not=20
least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! </B><FONT size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> This is not a soup kitchen. I am not=
=20
trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner! You will be=20
supervised when you fix your plate. </FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> Anything over the appropriate amount=
will=20
be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at =
the=20
door. </FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> Thanks to Cousin Alfred and hi=
s=20
greedy family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERC=
ARD=20
are now being accepted. </FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana> NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS =
YET.=20
<FONT size=3D2 face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana> <FON=
T size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 face=3DVerdana><FONT size=3D5>Ya=92=
ll all have a=20
real nice Thanksgiving now. Ya hear? <FONT=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3 face=3DVerdana> <FON=
T size=3D2=20
face=3DTahoma></FONT></FONT></DIV><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D3=20
face=3DVerdana><BR></FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>
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Received on Sat Mar 02 2024 - 00:57:28 CST